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ANNOYING THE ANNOYING NEIGHBOURS

#1
Sorry, one of those Pi55ed On Sunday posts......
I'm in limbo, waiting to go to the Great Sand Sea in Libya on a mine clearance job with Mivvi mates; Callsign Zero is in UK with "Eyes On" Bluewater, credit card in hand, and after a boozy lunch on my Small Rock in the Med, am now hitting the Sandeman's Port, planning revenge against noisy fcuking neighbours. I know I'll regret it in the morning (well, not that much)....
I'm doing my best, in the circs - playing The Russian National Anthem, the Horst Wessel, anything by the Pistols and hitting the floor and ceiling with my rubber hammer.......
To supplement my evil (and drunken) plans to wreak havoc on the parrot owners next door, the gay cnuts (not that I'm homophobic or anything, oh no, etc etc) across the road who play Cher's greatest hits and the tw@ts upstairs who are James Cnuty Blunty fans.... do any esteemed Planties, Knockers or generally Sapper-ey folks have any suggestions vis a vis said adjoining wnakers? Other Arms' comments welcome too, even if it's "go to bed you wedge idiot".

Edited for clarity or something.....
 
#3
A_Knocker_Till_The_End said:
good man.

are these neighbours brits ????
Ah, no Knocker. That would be simple. These are Arm Flailing/Waving, Small Rock In the Med types.....
They speak most excellent English, but seem to be noise junkies. Hence full blast with Pistols etc....
 
#9
A_Knocker_Till_The_End said:
what about some impromptu "bat-sims" ????
Ah, No again Knocks et al.....
Here, they fire Batsims into the air on a regular basis for religious purposes, the cnuts. I do like a bit of white noise, being EOD-ey, but they take it to extremes, so much so once, I got flashbacks to a Sarajevo landing in a Herc at er... Sarajevo, and had to hide in the cellar.
Any road up, they are all in bed now (the neighbours), so will wait until midnight and start playing "Wings" and that one where ya go "Get On parade...... "12, 13 14, ONE TWO". Anyone pierce my port-fuddled mind with what the fcuk that is? So long ago....
 
#10
Find their parking spaces and pay someone to dump a half a ton of tarmac there (a former boss of mine, also a former Sapper did this, almost died laughing, especially when it set!).

Only works if people have designated parking spots mind you ;)
 
#11
Older_by_the_day said:
Find their parking spaces and pay someone to dump a half a ton of tarmac there (a former boss of mine, also a former Sapper did this, almost died laughing, especially when it set!).

Only works if people have designated parking spots mind you ;)
Oh yes, the cnut estate warden in Berlin a long time ago, after treating my blokes and their wives like sh1t, asked for some manure for his roses - so I sent a 10 ton tipper load of horse sh1te up to Kisseln Allee (?) or the estate nearby whatever, and blocked the tw@t's driveway. What japes. Bollockings all round, but fcuk it was funny.....
 
#12
staaken said:
A_Knocker_Till_The_End said:
what about some impromptu "bat-sims" ????
Ah, No again Knocks et al.....
Here, they fire Batsims into the air on a regular basis for religious purposes, the cnuts. I do like a bit of white noise, being EOD-ey, but they take it to extremes, so much so once, I got flashbacks to a Sarajevo landing in a Herc at er... Sarajevo, and had to hide in the cellar.
Any road up, they are all in bed now (the neighbours), so will wait until midnight and start playing "Wings" and that one where ya go "Get On parade...... "12, 13 14, ONE TWO". Anyone pierce my port-fuddled mind with what the fcuk that is? So long ago....
"advance in revue order" as i recall it.
 
#13
I ahve always found anything by the tartan boys from Bonny Scotland usually drives neighbours right round the bend especially when played at mega decibels. Bloody love the bagpipes for pissing people off. Myself i love the sound of the pipes and no i,m not Scottish just a plain ole sheep sha**er.Good luck mate.
 
#14
I can endorse the use of the Pipes as well,

I had a group of Neds hanging out on the corner at the side of my hoose, they soon shift when they heard skirl of the pipes at max eardrum splitting level.
My neighbour went out into his garden and played his as well.

The shocked look on the faces of these little c*nts was a picture and they haven't been back in a year so it does work.
 
#15
Well blurks, the Sandeman's now at sandy bottoms, so time to start ringing doorbells...
The good thing is they have speaker phones. Probably flawed plan is to turn up "Wings" and a Pistols medley, dash down/across, ring bells, apologise in an "Allo Allo" accent for disturbing them (yeah right, the farking inconsiderate cnuts) and ask if they'd like to sign a petition about that noisy Brit tw@t upstairs/across the street...then dash back and wave from the balcony. With "Jerusalem" at full blast.
Hmmm, I'm going to mildly regret this in the morning. A bit.
Fcuk it, I'm out of here on Weds anyway, C/S Zero will have to deal with it... arf arf
 
#16
Are you in the bad books with C\S zero this morning? Is there a lot of muttering annoyed neighbours looking at you with that "I'll get you" stare?

Good drills anyway, do tell us the results. :D
 
#17
STAAKEN............

Got a sore head ? Her that must be obeyed givin' you the look ? Mouth like the bottom of a baby's pram ?

Sounds like you had a good night on the Sandemans !

Re. the neighbours.........who will give in 1st ? Remember its a Christian Holiday......offer them the olive branch..........if that fails petrol thro the letter box gives the gentle hint, if they ignore that light it ! but be careful if your house ajoins theirs.....if all else fails F*ck off for a game of golf!

All the best mate.....give me a shout if your lookin for any old planties.
 
#18
not a wedge but here goes
:twisted: bit childish ,but do the old poo in paper bag and light it knock door and run
Bar mine against the front door ring bell and take cover
Tap into their water supply and load it with laxatives?

OR Slayer /Misfits at max chant usually pisses off :twisted: :headbang: my annoying neighbour quite nicely

Blow the house up and throw in loads of burnt koran(dont care if spelt wrong) pages and claim they were muslim extremists .Bound to get away with it due to the hunt the muslim attitude everyone has. :twisted:
 
#19
Agree about the Pistols - spot on. But a really sh*t scaring one is Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath off the first Black Sabbath album. They will think satan has moved in next door.
Failing that anything by Rammstein. Preferably Mein Teil or Bestrafe Mich. Then you could pretend the culprit was a German and deny all knowledge. ( Worked on holiday last year in Spain )
 

chimera

LE
Moderator
#20
Mate of mine has just rung to tell me he was kept up all night by some sodding neighbour of his that spent last night playing The Russian National Anthem, the Horst Wessel, anything by the Pistols, Jerusalem, etc etc and doing something that sounded like he was banging on the floor with a rubber hammer...................
 

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