Animals - Funny Stories

#1
Hi guys, this is my first posting on ARRSE and i thought i would lighten the mood by talking about things you have seen or heard about involving animals, anyone for starters?
 
#3
My mum got mauled by a bear when snuffling for truffles in the Rockies, not sure how you feel that is lightening the mood.

Why not have a laugh at people electrocuting turtles too?
 
#4
Driving in Australia once I spied a humongous cane toad humping the day lights out of the uncrushed back end of a femal cane toad whilst catching and eating flies that were buzzing around her tyre crushed top half. Funny thing was 4 hours later coming back the other way he was still at it!
 
#5
fusrml said:
Driving in Australia once I spied a humongous cane toad humping the day lights out of the uncrushed back end of a femal cane toad whilst catching and eating flies that were buzzing around her tyre crushed top half. Funny thing was 4 hours later coming back the other way he was still at it!
Hope I come back as a Mr Cane Toad in the next life
 
#7
I had a goldfish, I fed him twice a day, first i would sprinkle the flakes in clockwise then....... anticlockwise.

I dont have any other stories, except the one where i fingered shitter of an aardvark but thats more errotic than funny.
 
#8
I had a rabbit, who really didn't like his hair being stroked the wrong way.

I learnt later that I it was better if I didn't stroke him with a belt sander.

I saw an otter once too, but she just sniffed the air and continued to feed her young
 
#9
It would have been better if your first posting would have been at least somewhere near the right forum.............
 
#10
EX_REME said:
It would have been better if your first posting would have been at least somewhere near the right forum.............
Oh you big spoilsport, tell us a story about an animal?
 
#11
minister_doh_nut said:
I saw an otter once too, but she just sniffed the air and continued to feed her young
Oooh did she look skyward with a slight whimsical expression on her delicate waterbound features?
 
#13
Cait said:
Oooh did she look skyward with a slight whimsical expression on her delicate waterbound features?
No, I thought the expression was more like 'Its friday night, I'm with my rights, I want a chippy tea'

But I could have judged her all wrong.....
 
#14
1stgulfmac said:
My dog (nor any other animal I have come across) has never told me a funny story, where is this going am I missing something?
You have to be at one with your pet 1stgulfmac, feel the force......then the pink lipstick.... and you'll never shut your hound up again.
 
#15
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says "why the long face?"


hat....coat...byeeee
 
#17
A badger of my acquaintance once told me a whimsical anecdote involving two Masai tribesmen, the Crown Jewels and a small tub of Philadelphia. I forget the punchline, though.
 
#20
My dog grins when you tickle his prostate.
 

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