Angry Streaks

Now, I'm normally quite a placid bloke but at certain times the old switch goes and I want to hurt people. Christ, I even work for a charity so that can't be good at times!
Take today for instance, coming out of a car park in Aldershot and some biff is just sat in the middle of the exit lane, gave him a while but he's just sat there on the phone so I beeped him, as I drove past he started giving it the old tosser gesture to me....I stopped the car put it into reverse and realised what I was about to do, all I wanted to do was slam into him and break his legs!

Now this obviously isn't right! If I get into any more bother I'm going to HMP Trousers Down and be Buttfucked.
Anyone else feel like this with the general scrotes around the place?
Am I just daft in the head? (more than likely)
What can I do to calm these urges down?

I pass it on to your collective wisdom!

 

Have breast implants...then you can do all SORTS of violent lunatic crap and blame it on PMT! Works for me!

 

I'm with you JD, as I get older I seem to have less and less time for idiots/chavs/ etc etc, and while I'm on it why do old people feel that they have some kind of immunity to jump queues etc and generally be a pain in the arrse and always seem surprised when I point it out to them.

Btw, don't worry about the charity stuff I work in a supposed "caring" profession as well and all it has done has confirmed my suspicion that a larger portion of the general population are as stupid as a rock, and just taking up space in the environment that could be put to a better use.

 

I can totally sympathise with you. I hate people who drive while on the phone. Personally I would've reversed into the cnut at full speed then when Plod turn up, explain that he must've hit you as he wasn't paying attention while he was on the phone. Plod will check his call history and when he says you reversed into him, you can laugh it off and say ''why the fcuk would I reverse on a main road?''

Edited to add:

If you have a towbar on your car this will make this game a lot more interesting.

 

One egg to be dispatched at offenders vehicle,I call it 'Splat the Tw@t'

 

Fat mums pushing their multi-coloured offspring about break me,I've held my tongue many a time.

Me being the gent I am I will always be polite and hold the door for these mouthbreathing jobless cum-dumpsters but rarely ever get a "thankyou".

 

Jesus

JD I thougt it was just me crack on mate.

Magic

 

Dunno about "Angry" Streaks but I've heard the above referred to as "Viscious Streaks".

Johnny Vegas in the TV programme "Ideal" said (of his girlfriend), "She's having her viscious streaks put in".

 

Good solution if you have the balls. I too hate people who talk on the phone,I see it loads in my street which has become a bit of a thoroughfare and does have places to stop and talk, yet only one in ten ever does.

And people have stopped thinking about other road users while they go to work or pick up Jimmy from school. My town is quite small and I travel around a lot by bike which saves cruising around for ten minutes trying to park and ending up almost as far away as start-point.
So the other day I set off and was just approaching a junction when this bint overtakes and immediately cuts right across me to turn right (Foreign country - wrong side of road etc.) causing me to brake and swerve.
Why oh why did she get perplexed when she saw a swearing red-faced Dwarf telling her that she should consider that bicycles actually exist and leave nasty smears on the road if they go under a car? I mean what did she do wrong, and why did he get annoyed about nearly being whacked by a large hunk of metal? People can be so unreasonable at times.

 

JD - is your anger just confined to road / driving incidents? Or do you find yourself getting equally wound up when you're on hold to the bank whilst your dinner is going cold in front of you, pressing 3 for any other reason having already pressed it only to be told you have dialled an incorrect choice?

I too recall a similar incident on a slip lane exit from the A12. I'd just pulled off to get some fuel from the Shell garage (the one just before Colly heading Saarf) and there are two lanes marked out with idiot's guide arrows - left lane turn left, right lane straight on. So this fat old bloke with a car full of mongs towing a caravan takes the left, also indicating left along side me - decides he's also going straight on, forcing me straight over the mini roundabout. As I looked left in total surprise, he gives me the finger and pulls in to the garage.

As I pull up to the pump, he's over the other side of the forecourt fcuking around with his towing electrics so I go straight over to him at which point the fat fcuker sees me coming, and dives straight back into his car, locking his doors. So realising this guy isn’t going to open his door until I’m out of sight, I start giving him a bit of verbal. Nothing major, just asking him if he thought he was setting a good example to the mongs on the back seat by using offensive hand gestures when he’s in the wrong. I also told him to go take a walk back to the roundabout and have a good fcuking look at the road markings and to apologise in his own time. Pretty tame stuff really.

Just as I was about to give up and get on my way, over the tannoy the old slapper behind the counter has seen me poking my finger at his window, and this bloke is ‘clearly frightened’ so she starts shouting at me to get back in my vehicle or she’ll call the police etc. Without wanting to cause any problems, I go back and go to refuel. As if this couldn’t get any worse she then refuses to switch the fcuking thing on. So then come the useless hand gestures to try and ask her what the fcuk is going on – and there goes that tannoy again – and by Christ that thing is loud when you’re stood right next to it.

After going in to try and explain what I was doing, I found out she’d already called the police and told me she wasn’t prepared to serve me as it was ‘her right’ not to. So I got back in my car and went all of 1 mile down the A12 before the filth caught up with me, who quizzed me even further over nothing.

I eventually get to Reading to see my daughter 45 minutes late, at which point my ex-wife starts throwing abuse at me for not having the decency to get there on time, it’s my own fault, I should plan for these things and set off earlier (WTF?), she has a life too, can’t be doing with waiting for me to turn up all day etc etc etc....

How I never put someone’s head through the wall that day I’ll never know.

 

Without religion, I would not be angry. It is the root of all evil!

 

I think it helps when you realise that our fundamental philosophical approach to the entire universe is founded on a faulty premise. We see the whole of reality as just the net interaction of blind probability and our experience of it as simply a series of happenstances randomly-arranged in the space/time continuum. This is a mistake.

We know from everyday experience that every action or circumstance has a limited number of ways it can go ‘right’ – often only one – and a far larger number of ways it can go ‘wrong’ – in many cases, effectively infinite. If the outcome of ‘wrong’ or right’ was actually governed by random chance then if we plotted ‘wrong’ graphically we would see it arranged on a normal distribution ranging from ‘bugger’ to ‘arrsebiscuits’.

Instead, we clearly and repeatedly see that the incidence of ‘wrong’ is clustered at the high end of the scale in the area between ‘shiting wank-pig' and ‘cunting fuck-monkey’, with a p-factor of ‘arrsing twat-nuts’ and outliers all the way up to ‘cocking-shite-hoor-fuck-bastard’.

It is therefore obvious that, far from working according to blind chance, the available quantitative evidence supports the hypothesis that the universe is, in fact, a total cunt who desperately needs filled in.

You can't argue with science.

 

So I can blame Einstein then?

 

Don't shoot the messenger.

Unless he pisses you off, of course.