anger management (the proper way)

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by pagan78, May 23, 2011.

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  1. part 1
    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

    A few weeks ago I was sitting at my desk when I remembered I had forgotten to make a phone call.

    I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

    I politely said, 'This is Mark . Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f*** ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me.

    I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an arsehole !' and hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'arsehole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or getting stressed out having a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an arsehole !'

    It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic arsehole calling would have to stop.

    So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

    He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an arsehole!' and hung up.

    part 2
    A few days later I went shopping and was getting ready to pull into a parking spot when some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had been patiently waiting for.

    I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot just ignored me.

    I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW arsehole, too.

    I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is.'

    I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 ******* Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch style house, and the car's parked right out in front.'

    I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don H****n.

    I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

    I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?' He said, 'Yes' I said, 'Don, you're an arsehole!'

    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

    Now, when I have a bad day, I have two assholes to call.

    part 3

    Then I came up with an idea.

    I called arsehole #1. He said, 'Hello.' I said, 'You're an arsehole!' but this time I didn't hang up.

    He asked, 'Are you still there?' I said, 'Yeah.' He screamed, 'Stop calling me!'

    I said, 'Make me.' He asked, 'Who are you?' I said, 'My name is Don ******.' He said, 'Oh Yeah? Where do you live?'

    I said, 'Arsehole, I live at 34 ******* Blvd in Fairfax; it's a yellow ranch style house, and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

    He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don and you had better start saying your prayers.'

    I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, arsehole,' and hung up.

    Then I called arsehole No. 2. He said, 'Hello?' I said, 'Hello, arsehole .'

    He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...' I said, 'You'll what?' He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'

    I answered, 'Well, arsehole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.'

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 ******* Blvd, in Fairfax, and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill me.

    Then I called Channel 9 News about a gang war going down on ******* Blvd.in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.

    I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

    and thats how you manage anger :)
     
    • Funny Funny x 1