Andy Rooney quotes

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by viceroy, Apr 19, 2012.

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  1. This is doing the rounds on email these days, thought some of you might find these amusing:


    1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....
    I don't remember what I chose.

    2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

    3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

    4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

    5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and
    'stop', unless they are used together.

    6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

    7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try

    8. Virginity can be cured.

    9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

    10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

    11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

    12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

    13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?
    Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

    14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

    15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
    Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

    16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

    17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

    Send to the men who need a laugh and the women with a good sense of humor!

    Sent from my iPhone using ARRSE app
  2. Who's Andy Rooney?