Andy McNabbing

Do you 'Andy McNab'?

  • Every time: my shite is as slick as an eel in a bucket of astroglide

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Wouldn't risk it: my turds stick around like an ugly QA

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No chance: I take extra bog roll, baby wipes and a phosphor bronze brush to ensure a pristine ringp

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
E

error_unknown

Guest
#1
Anyone here with the b@lls to 'Andy McNab': ie, chuck away the compo arrse paper when on exercise or ops on the grounds that their turds don't touch the sides on the way out?
 
#2
I never left camp without two rolls of comfy bum in a sealed placcy bag.

The army issue tracing paper was only useful if you fancied smearing it up yer back after an good unload
 
#3
Gotta say that I too, always had a couple of rolls of Andrex in a black bin-bag, tucked away in the Bergan.

Had to. My arse hair resembles Belize and the old Compo tracing paper was about as much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
 
#4
I'm a great fan of the "Kleenex pocket pack" never leave home without one.

Dib dib dib! :D
 
#5
The butt wipe they give you guys must be made by the same people that supplied the Marine Corps. The stuff was thinner than Flash's wallet after a night at the Blue Oyster.

Always took extra, I can't stand the feeling of dried cheek grease in the nether regions.
 
#7
Only shat on exercises twice and used babywipes...otherwise I held it till I was able to use a proper bog...longest was 2 weeks and when I finally unleashed the beast I need 60 stitches to repair my ringpiece :D
 
#8
ctauch said:
Only shat on exercises twice and used babywipes...otherwise I held it till I was able to use a proper bog...longest was 2 weeks and when I finally unleashed the beast I need 60 stitches to repair my ringpiece :D
TWO F*CKING WEEKS????? 8O

I disappeared with a shovel at least once a day, every day! Sometimes twice!
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#10
Two weeks is because the septics need a rest-room to dump in, ie somewhere with enough room to rest their huge burger-fed arrses.

There is no tree, not even some of California's finest Redwoods, that would take the strain of Ctauch's corpulent, scabby backside, so he and the rest of his trailer-dwelling, inbred tribe have to wait until a low-loader's trundled them back to a reinforced concrete khazi before letting anything go.

You'll notice this whenever operating with spams in the field - most people will tell you that they're all full of shite.
 
#11
Cutaway said:
Two weeks is because the septics need a rest-room to dump in, ie somewhere with enough room to rest their huge burger-fed arrses.

There is no tree, not even some of California's finest Redwoods, that would take the strain of Ctauch's corpulent, scabby backside, so he and the rest of his trailer-dwelling, inbred tribe have to wait until a low-loader's trundled them back to a reinforced concrete khazi before letting anything go.

You'll notice this whenever operating with spams in the field - most people will tell you that they're all full of shite.
I don't know. The one's I met in Bosnia were OK. I managed to swap a stable belt for a Camp-Cot, Camoflage Poncho, M1 Abrahms and a Humvee*





*Some of the above items may not be true
 
#12
Yep, two rolls of Andrex for me in the field, but still use to put it in a bag and put it at the bottom of a mates bergen when he werent looking!
 
#13
In a previous life I had the honour of teaching young crows how to be grown up, including how to wash eat and sh1t in the field. The highlight of my lesson was a trick I'd learnt from the old n' bold that taught me (probably QM 2 para now). I'd explain that it was tactically, as well as environmentally important that combat turds should be properly buried and/or camouflaged. I then expressed by indignation at how the local FTA was covered in poorly laid bumsnakes and how one could "hardly turn over a stone without finding one around here." At that I would turn over the nearest stone to reveal a mr hanky winking at me with compo bog roll covered in skids. "This really grips my sh1t" I'd proclaim before stuffing a handful of the tissues into my mouth, ensuring I smear some of the muck around my mouth.

Of course the sh1t was really a mashed up choccy bar and the tissues were covered in cadbury's chocolate sauce, but the look on the young crows' faces was priceless, you could see them forming the letters to their mums asking to be allowed back home...
 
#14
RTFQ said:
In a previous life I had the honour of teaching young crows how to be grown up, including how to wash eat and sh1t in the field. The highlight of my lesson was a trick I'd learnt from the old n' bold that taught me (probably QM 2 para now). I'd explain that it was tactically, as well as environmentally important that combat turds should be properly buried and/or camouflaged. I then expressed by indignation at how the local FTA was covered in poorly laid bumsnakes and how one could "hardly turn over a stone without finding one around here." At that I would turn over the nearest stone to reveal a mr hanky winking at me with compo bog roll covered in skids. "This really grips my sh1t" I'd proclaim before stuffing a handful of the tissues into my mouth, ensuring I smear some of the muck around my mouth.

Of course the sh1t was really a mashed up choccy bar and the tissues were covered in cadbury's chocolate sauce, but the look on the young crows' faces was priceless, you could see them forming the letters to their mums asking to be allowed back home...

On a similar line, Many moons ago when I was training as a Soundranger, when it came to Preparing PE 4 charges to simulate Gunfire, one of the instructors would bring a bar of Icing Sugar, wrap it in the PE4 wrapper then walk round inspecting us making our charges whilst happily munching on a bar of Plastique.

'Nutter' we all thought, until one of the old sweats back at the block told us how he did it.

You should have seen his face about four lears later, when as the admin NCO on the same course, I swapped his bar back for the real deal and then watched him hock his ring up all over Blackball Firs for about ten minutes.

Laugh? I nearly passed my fags around...
 
#15
ctauch said:
Only shat on exercises twice and used babywipes...otherwise I held it till I was able to use a proper bog...longest was 2 weeks and when I finally unleashed the beast I need 60 stitches to repair my ringpiece :D
Corps told me your ringpiece could accommodate a massive black dildo 8O so what's a 2 week turd gonna do to it :roll:
 
#16
Always remember the old drills taught with the tracing paper in rat packs. Fold into 4, tear off upper corner. With finger inside the resultant hole, enter ringpiece, remove waste with finger, withdraw finger and use the 'skirt' to pull up the remaining dtrious. Use the torn off corner for cleaning muck from beneath fingernail. Funnily enough, never tried it.

Did know a bloke who could do a 'McNabb.' He still took a roll, 'just in case.'

The 'kleenex' packs in current rat packs are great imho. Just the job, soft, smooth and thoroughly absorbant (enter Black Adder joke about the WW1 soldiers rag).
 
#17
scalieback said:
Always remember the old drills taught with the tracing paper in rat packs. Fold into 4, tear off upper corner. With finger inside the resultant hole, enter ringpiece, remove waste with finger, withdraw finger and use the 'skirt' to pull up the remaining dtrious. Use the torn off corner for cleaning muck from beneath fingernail. Funnily enough, never tried it.
The standard MO (using the Daily Telegraph saved from the last flight home) in many a Middle Eastern/African country when there isn't a bottle of water handy. To be avoided, generally. Best method: hoik out all those useless clothes, boots, diesel cans, spare diffs and tyres, and fill up with cartons of Kleenex's softest, plus water-free instant hand sanitiser. Dettol wipes possibly if in company, otherwise friends can fall out. All other spare room can be filled up with Castle.
 
#18
I can remember reading a pearl of wisdom in Trek & Field magazine. It stated that a person did not require to use shat roll after dumping, simply rub your ringpiece with petroleum jelly before releasing a load. The jelly prevents poo sticking, almost a council estate version of Teflon!
I haven't tried this method myself ( for dumping purposes anyway).

What would be your get out clause if spied doing the above by the rest of the lads :?
 
#19
Geordie_Blerk said:
I can remember reading a pearl of wisdom in Trek & Field magazine. It stated that a person did not require to use shat roll after dumping, simply rub your ringpiece with petroleum jelly before releasing a load. The jelly prevents poo sticking, almost a council estate version of Teflon!
I haven't tried this method myself ( for dumping purposes anyway).

What would be your get out clause if spied doing the above by the rest of the lads :?
Surely this defeats the object, as you'd be walking around with a greasy vaseline arse for the rest of the day?

Sure, it would smell a bit better, but even so?
 
#20
LBdr_Pigshagger said:
Geordie_Blerk said:
I can remember reading a pearl of wisdom in Trek & Field magazine. It stated that a person did not require to use shat roll after dumping, simply rub your ringpiece with petroleum jelly before releasing a load. The jelly prevents poo sticking, almost a council estate version of Teflon!
I haven't tried this method myself ( for dumping purposes anyway).

What would be your get out clause if spied doing the above by the rest of the lads :?
Surely this defeats the object, as you'd be walking around with a greasy vaseline arse for the rest of the day?

Sure, it would smell a bit better, but even so?
And surely there would be all sorts of control problems? No turtle heading for a start and when you thought it was safe to fart it would suddenly be the 4th of July in your boxers :oops:
 

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