And you thought you had a bad day..............

I am sure this thread has probably been exhausted on occasion but...........

Got on a very packed train to start my journey home after work........... ticket masters were doing their rounds asking to see tickets and woke up a passenger. This passenger looked very disorientated and realised he had missed his stop. He then had to find extra cash to pay the difference in his fare, the train was coming to a halt at next stop and you could see the panic on his face as he desperately did not want to stay on train any longer than necessary!! He made a hasty exit at the next stop. There were quite a few school children on said train who couldnt stop laughing! Not only had this guy fell asleep and missed his stop, it cost him extra money and then had to catch another train!!!! To top it all, it was raining and blowing a gale! Also, these ticket masters, they have been given that little bit of extra authority and they seem to act like bloody police officers!! I did feel for this guy!!

Has anyone experienced similar or have opinions of these feisty ticket masters!!
I was once escorted from a railway station by the transport police who after an argument with a ticket inspector were waiting for me en masse at the next stop.

This argument arose by me demanding a partial refund. I had borded the train at London King Cross but was unable to sit down or even stow my luggage until we had reached doncaster. I had been booked on an earlier train which had failed to turn up and as a result this one was packed.

It was the arrogant tone of the ticket inspector which arroused my irritation. Apparantly I had paid for travel only and was not guaranteed a seat. I felt that for the price of the ticket they should have fcuking well let me have a drive of the train and got the good looking oriental female trolley woman to give me a nosh to pass the time. I voiced this opinion rather loudly. None of the other passangers found it funny.
When I joined the RN in 1997, we got to go on summer leave about half way through basic training. At silly o clock in the morning, several hundred baby matelots invaded Plymouth train station. On the train to London (I was flying home to Ireland from Heathrow), they decided to open the bar which wasn't a very bright idea as a train full of pissed baby matelots swinging the lead is not amusing to commuters. Anyway, after seducing a young wren (Vicky from Colchester-lovely girl!) and getting shiters, I soon realised at 10am in Central London that I had forgotten to get off at Woking/Reading (whichever of the two you go through from Guzz) but at this stage I was so bladdered and happy at trapping a fine young filly, that I didn't care. Because of this, I missed my flight and I was well seen off when the hangover kicked in and I got financially raped by British Midland to change my flight to the evening one. Cnuts. I'd do it all over again tomorrow though.....:D
Me and a pal met up whiile we were both on leave a few years ago.

Too many drinks later it was going home and we walked over to the station via the Chinkys. I got on my train and headed west, he was supposed to get on his train and head east. When we met up again he recalled how he woke up at about 4 a.m. - in a siding and even further west than me. Food dripping all over his clothes and with the cleaner woman sweeping around his feet.

They made him pay excess fare too.

It could only have happened to 'Lucky Eddy'
I used the old BR services a lot in the 70's and 80's, you know the ones people hark back to as the good old days. Many of the Guards (ticket collectors call them what you will) had attitudes carried on from their days staffing Belsen. My worst experience was when some Sapper going home on leave leaned against a door which sprang open. Bouncing along a 125 at 100mph was not a good move. The guard suggested to the two men who had witnessed the guy falling out and myself who had seen him twat the window where I was sitting that we were drunk. It was only physical threats from one of the boys, and more reasoned arguments from myself that made the little bastard take the occasion seriously.
I spent about 6 months working in the south of England during the week & in Northern Ireland every weekend.
I spent an interminable amount of time in Woking Station wainting for a bus to Heathrow or a train to Alton.
You may not realise it unless you've been in this situation, but the tannoy sounding 'WOKING, THIS IS WOKING' every 3 & a half minutes, will eventually drive you insane.
I still shudder whenever I hear the word 'Woking' now.
If only I'd latched on to Vicky from Colchester & gone to london instead, I'm sure my life would be better.


For my part, I always try and sit next to someone who has the daily paper!! Try reading it though........ ha, some folk are just selfish!! yeah yeah i know its bad manners to read over someone's shoulder, but who hasnt done it???? The way they discreetly fold it in half - baste*ds!!
My last experience of the train fromLondon Paddington to home was not the best. Managed to find my seat (reserved seating) when a lady asked if the seat next to me was free. I said it was and moved my bag for her to sit down. She then asked if i would sit by the window as she had bad arthritis and found it hard to get across the seats, no problem i said. I made what i thought was kind comment saying i will try not to get up during the journey... well all hell broke loose she went off on one telling me i was inconsiderate and there was no need for such comment, it was not her fault she had arthritis etc etc.... i politely informed her that her tone of voice was not necessary and i was merely trying to be polite. I then open my trashy celeb magazine and the cheeky biatch decided to try and read over my shoulder, as if! I turned toward the window and she grunted in frustration that she could no longer read my mag... humph some people, there just no pleasing them....rant over!
It's not really her fault and it wasn't done with malicious aforethought, but even so, try dealing with a flight from LAX to LHR where, just as you are beginning to go feet wet over Hudson Bay (about 7 hours to go) and just as you finish dinner, the woman in the seat across the aisle has 'a bit of a funny tummy' and proceeds to swamp herself in her seat. 8O

Fair play to the stews, after an hour or so they came up with a plan- damp down a sachet of filter coffee to cover the smell. However, sleeping on a red-eye with the smell of fresh coffee constantly permeating the air is pretty much impossible, so you spend the rest of the flight irresistably glancing over to the woman who is now sat on a pile of blankets, with one more wrapped around her waist acting as a skirt.
crabtastic said:
the woman in the seat across the aisle has 'a bit of a funny tummy' and proceeds to swamp herself in her seat.
You should have suggested that she post an account of the incident on the 'Ordinary people trying to behave like squaddies' thread... :D
Crikey I had a transport 'moment' this morning. In fact I am still reeling from it. On the morning commute today the train was quite busy as usual, but no sardines crammed in busy. Anyway on steps this verrrrry elderly lady, she looks a bit shaky on her feet, but she's determined - you know the sort! So she gets on, and since it's the time of the morning there are no seats. I am standing up and looking around gob smacked that nobody is offering their seat, nobody at ALL!
After as we come into the next stop, the movements of the train make her unbalance quite dramatically into the arms of another commuter and I. He takes the lead and asks these youths who have taken the 'priority seating' if the old lady can have one of their seats. Up jumps this little shite of a teenager, he starts mouthing off that we are picking on him due to his skin colour and that he has just as much right to the seat as her, and that if she can't stand up that's her fault -!!! I couldn't help myself and said "It's not about rights, it's about having some manners and being polite enough to see that someone else needs that seat more than you"
So he continues this tiraide of abuse directed to this elderly lady, yet he gets off at the next stop, spitting on the other commuters shoe as he leaves - yuk!!!
Where was the bl00dy train inspector then!!!?!!?
When I was in training I played rugby for the army colts meaning that most weekends myself and my pals would use BR to wherever. One sunday we were returning for Cardiff (having being hammered by Boys Clubs of Wales) along with loads of Ireland supporters (as they had just beaten Wales). Sat there in our Army red jumpers a particularly p'ssed up Irish idiot began tauntiong us thinking that we were wales fans. This lasted for the 2 hours that we were on the train and by the time we passed Swindon we were getting pretty close to the end of our tether.
Just as we approaching Reading, said Paddy decides its time for a slash and off he toddles to the WC. The train pulls up at the station and we leave but make sure that we stand by the carriage as it pulls out. Paddy stumbles back in and notices us out of the window, taking great pleasure in the fact that he's got a couple more seconds of abuse to throw at the young lads. His face soon changed when as the train started moving we showed him that we had robbed his rather expensive leather coat.
Cost of the ticket...Free with a Warrant Sale of stolen Jacket...£60 Look on Paddies face....Priceless!!
Flowers' story of bad manners on trains reminds me of an incident during my commuting days (thankfully over).

I used to have a 1.5 hour tube trip each way, but as my journey in started at the first station on the line I always got a seat, though as the journey went on the carriages became very crowded indeed. On a hot day, with people packed in, a woman collapsed. Someone pulled the emergency handle and the driver stopped at the next station having called for an ambulance. I and a couple of others tried to help the woman. The driver made an announcement over the tannoy to the efect that there would be a 5-minute delay. After a minute or so one passenger started shouting that the woman should be 'dumped on the platform', as he had an important meeting to get to. He was shushed by others,, but carried on ranting and eventually tried to grab at her clothes to move her. Once the paramedics arrived the angry man was ejected from the train by the station staff, to mild applause from the carriage. I expect he thought that it was because of his colour, and not because he was an ill-mannered arrse, too.
The best and possibly only decent experience I have had on BR was while on Ex Mission Impossible on Rowallan Company. Having hitched to Bangor and snurgled onto a train I laid up in First Class, reasoning the collectors would be down with the proletariat while I was in a suit (albeit one that was stained and smelled like a badger) and could therefore blend in with the denizens of First. I got my head down sharpish and some time later was awoken by a polite but firm shake of my shoulder, realising the show was up I gave him my chit-in-lieu and excuses, he then told me he was an ex-WO2 from the Arty, gave me a ticket to London for First Class (on the condition I return it when I got there) and shared his pack lunch with me, top bloke all round really.
I tipped up at the train station, the other day. Some dodery old bugger was selling tickets and the que was huge. Legged it accross the platform and jumped on the train. Ticket bloke bimbled along and I sais that there was a massice que and could I have a ticket to *******.

He went off on a massive rant about buying before I got on the train and minimum fines. I told him to p1ss off and that I'd pay for the fare.

He threatened me with the filty coppers and demanded my name and address. I pulled out the old MoD 90: he just told me not to do it again, and wandered off. Jobs a good 'en. :D
I had the pleasure of giving one conductor both barrels (verbally) some years ago, trying to catch a train about to depart. I waved my ticket and tried to get past but he sent me to the back of a lengthy queue. I lost the rag and yelled at him, and he went to get a copper. Meanwhile I sneaked through the barrier anyway.

Conductors tend to hide at the first sign of trouble and only pick on targets that will not fight back. On one occasion some years ago, a bunch of lads got on the Kings Cross to Edinburgh service at Darlington and it was glaringly obvious that they were recruits on their first weekend away from Catterick. They were sh!tfaced but there was a good atmosphere in the carriage for most of the journey. Shortly before Newcastle, a couple of them crossed the line into drunken abusiveness and threatened a passenger who didn't respond well to their "humour". The Queen's shilling is paid (below minimum wage) every hour of the day and I decided that, as a holder of Her Maj's bit of paper (bearing her very own reproduced signature) I should do something about "good order and discipline". There was no guard in sight (probably hiding) so I showed my ID card to the most sober lad and explained that the RMP would be waiting at the other end if they did not immediately desist. Most of them responded intelligently to this threat but one mong (for he was one) spouted some threatening cr@p; he was calmed down by his more sensible mates. I didn't see the conductor until the end of the journey when I told him that order had been restored! I phoned the Catterick guardroom and let them know that some of their recruits had been out of order - hopefully they were reminded of their responsibilities in a Bad Lads Provo Sgt sort of way at start work the following week. No sign of the conductor or British Transport Police though!

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