And you think your having a bad day!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Sabre, Aug 1, 2005.

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  1. The first one is very commendable!

    I'll bet the chubbs who fell down the hole was laughing all the way to the bank!
  2. I feel sorry for the thin girl that went down the steps before the other woman fell down it, she probably landed on her.
  3. Correct me if i'm wrong, but didn't the yanks in the helicopter get done for murder?
  4. What about this guy!!!!

    This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.

    Dear Sir,

    I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.

    Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building

    on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.

    Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

    Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.
    Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
    I hope this answers your inquiry.

    Kind Regards,

    Mike Pashby
  5. lmfaoooooo

    the fat cnut who fell into the pub cellar is indeed a cnut of the highest order who bullied my sister at school for a long time...
    and i'm glad to report she did get hurt, and nobody else did! the clip was shown on that jeremy beadle/lisa riley crap a while ago and oh how we laughed!
  6. ROFLMFAO..Absolutely brilliant Creative, ta for sharing.

    Laughed so hard I cried!!

    Good oh Beanz, great to see there is justice in the world!!
  7. Creative

    Your submission is as old as the hills, and was available on an old 78 (I heard it on such a beast in the early 70s). Strange to think that a humorous spoof physics lecture is today's urban myth.

    In an effort to find the originator and age I entered "Bricks" and "barrel" into google. All bar no 47 of the first 50 (of 21,300) entries qere extracts from this. This site quotes it as 1958 speech day at Oxford Union.


  8. This is "The Bricklayer's Lament" or "Barrel of Bricks" monologue by Gerard Hoffnung. It's been around since God was a small boy :D
  9. The Bricklayers Song......recored by somebody called Murphy and many others including Ray Stevens in 1993. Based on a story from Hofnung. Still makes me laugh when I play it.