and the wife is pissed off again because.........

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Busta-Gut, Nov 9, 2007.

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  1. the wife is pissed off again because.........

    She called me when I was driving home "stop at the grocery store and get some food for dinner".

    "What do you want" says I ?

    "nothing", < (operative word) "Just get yourself something to eat".

    Stop at store pick up a salad, I.E..lettuce
    ..pies, mushy peas & gravy.

    Duly arrive home, wife opens bags and STARTS whining about me being a selfish git, twot, a-hole, useless cnut clown for NOT bringing her anything as a surprise.

    and then she wonders why I turn her face down on the bed.

    so hows about a "the wife is pissed off again because.........thread, so that I can jot all of these insane moments down, write a book and share all of the proceeds with just me.
  2. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    The wife is p!ssed off again because . . . that is what they do?
  3. FFS where do you start. :twisted:
    How about 'cos she turned into a psycho b1tch as soon as the ring slipped on her finger. 8O
    Or 'cos it's alright for her to feck off to chat to her mates as soon as I walk through the door, but if I want to talk to one of mine I'm ignoring her and heading for divorce.
    Or the most priceless one I was a squaddie before I met her!!!
    The list is endless.
    Like Biped said, it's what they do!
  4. because she normally likes surprises.....

    Just not surprise sex :twisted:
  5. Bring your girlfriend home too next time 8O
  6. terroratthepicnic

    terroratthepicnic LE Reviewer Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Runners

    The wife is pissed off again because.........

    She told me she was pregnant and I asked, who's is it?

  7. brave... very brave :wink:
  8. LMFAO

    Mines pissed off cos it's a day ending in y
  9. the wife is pissed off again because.........

    She's a fcuking irrational, hormone driven, insecure, self centred, devious, manipulative, cut your balls off and rob your money, bitch.

    Just like the rest of them.

    Why are women with pms always right?

  10. How about the wife is pissed off again because "he never came home all night" or he swamped the bed yet again after a mega session with his mates and then when turfed out the bed at some silly hour, so the said wife can change the bed linen and hopefully sleep in a dry bed he says " FFS how long are you gonna be doing that" .... Oh happy days, the wife is not pissed off now! now shes divorcing him :D
  11. Just the excuse she's been waiting for. Now she can have anyone she wants and still spend his money
  12. lol, call it compensation :D
  13. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Very, very stupid . . . I did it the first time, and the world came crashing down around my ears! "FFS, how is it that the first whisper of sex in 6 months of purgatory - and you're up the duff? Are you being straight with me, is it mine?" I asked.

    " :censored: :crying: :frustrated: :rage: :pissedoff: :plotting: :threaten: :ncool: :rambo: :pissed: :frustrated: 8O :roll: :x :evil: " she said.

    " :salut: :pale: :omg: =| 8O :oops: " I said.

    " :donut: :toilet: :tp: :safe: :threaten: " is how it finished.

    Don't do it - it's not big, and it's not clever. What's big and clever is a secret paternity test, and a bunch of flowers; and kissing her hoop for months afterwards.
  14. Hubby said that to me when I told him I was pregnant again, he thought he was being clever in front of all his mates, I being all romantic, going to meet him on a saturday night in the pub! (he'd been on the lash all day with his mates) he asked what I was drinking when I arrived at the pub, I said a ballygowan, usual response "I'm not buying a bottle of water, you'll have a proper drink" I whispered in his ear ... "pregnancy test was positive" (we had been trying, for a few weeks) Hubby replied "crikey did you hear that lads? the wifes pregnant" then looked at me jokingly (or so he says) and says "by the way who's the father" to which I replied " your brother" ... (I was joking too) the look on his face was priceless!
  15. She's pissed off because I'm off on a course for a fortnight from today.

    We discussed it in January, I deferred in March - because she was a bit poorly.

    I've been training for six months.

    I've been packing for a week.

    I've been talking about nothing else for months.

    I've ironed and polished everything to within an inch of its' life...

    She annouces over dinner last night that she doesn't feel happy about being on her own for so long, it's my mum's 60th birthday while I'm away, she's having problems at work and that she saw some bloke hanging around the side of the garage last week.

    I'm hanging out me arrse this morning because we sat up all night while she dredged up every horrible husbandly crime ever commited throughout our long marriage and built a case for me not going on the course, jacking the RAuxAF, drinking, smoking, porn, etc and becoming a much more worthy member of the human race.

    Not surprisingly, the car is loaded and I'm raring to go.

    Not surprisingly, no breakfast this morning and a frosty peck on the cheek as I bade her farewell.

    Still, got the endex shag to look forward to upon my triumphant return - however, not exactly holding my breath......