"and the whole damned contraption was powered by steam!"

Discussion in 'Films, Music and All Things Artsy' started by EX_STAB, Apr 16, 2009.

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  1. Many years ago an old mucker was fond of reciting a rather "risque" poem on the topic of a gentleman who built a remarkable device for "pleasuring" his wife. Said poem included the line "the whole damned contraption was powered by steam" or words to that effect.

    Try as I might I can't find out what it was from so thought someone else might have heard of it.

    Any ideas?
     
  2. Old rugby club-type song. I think it started:

    "An Engineer told me before he died
    A Rum Tiddy Tum Diddy Rum Tiddy Tum
    And I've no reason to believe he lied
    A Rum Tiddy Tum Diddy Rum Tiddy Tum"

    Will do some research tonight..........
     
  3. I once knew a sailor man 'til he died.
    I know not where that poor bastard lies.
    He had a wife with a smile so wide,
    And she could not be satisfied.

    And so he built this big fuckin' wheel,
    And on it placed this big prick of steel.
    Two balls of brass that he filled with cream.
    And the whole damned thing was powered by steam.

    And round and round that big fuckin' wheel.
    And in and out that big prick of steel.
    And in and out until she cried,
    "Enough! Enough! I'm satisfied."

    There was just one thing wrong with it,
    There was no way of stopping it.
    It ripped her from her ass to her tits,
    And the whole damned thing was covered in shit.

    And round and round that big fuckin' wheel.
    And in and out that big prick of steel.
    And in and out until she cried,
    "Enough! Enough!" And then she died.

    Amen...
     
  4. The Engineer told me before he died,
    Herrum, titty, rum, titty, rum titty rum,
    The Engineer told me before he died,
    That he knew a woman with a * so wide,
    She could never be satisfied,
    Herrum, titty, rum, titty, rum titty rum,

    Is that the one?

    Not that I've ever sung it, of course... :oops:

    Litotes
     
  5. Google is your friend! Not QUITE the version I remember, but..........

    Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
    An engineer told me before he died,
    Ah-hum, ah-hum.
    An engineer told me before he died,
    I have no reason to believe he lied,
    Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
    Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
    An engineer told me before he died,
    And I have no reason to believe that he lied,

    (Chorus) That no matter whatever he tried,
    His girlfriend was never satisfied!

    (Chorus) That girl she had a @#%$ so wide
    She could never be satisfied,

    (Chorus) The engineer was a designer,
    Measured the bore of her vagina,

    (Chorus) Then he built her a @#%$ of steel,
    Powered by a bloody great wheel,

    (Chorus) Yes he built a bloody great wheel,
    Two brass balls and a @#%$ of steel

    (Chorus) Two balls of brass were filled with cream,
    And the whole bloody issue was driven by steam.

    (Chorus) He tied his girl to the leg of the bed,
    Tied her hands above her head,

    (Chorus) There she lay demanding a @#%$,
    He shook her hand and wished her luck,

    (Chorus) Round and round went the bloody great wheel,
    In and out went the @#%$ of steel,

    (Chorus) Up and up went the level of steam,
    Down and down went the level of cream.

    (Chorus) Till at last the maiden cried,
    "Enough! Enough! I am satisfied!"

    (Chorus) Now we come to the tragic bit,
    There was no way of stopping it,

    (Chorus) It went like the piston of a train,
    He should have fitted a gearing chain,

    (Chorus) Clouds of steam blew out the top,
    There wasn't a way to make it stop,

    (Chorus) She was split from ass to tit,
    And the whole @#%$ thing was covered in @#%$,

    (Chorus) It jumped off her, it jumped on him,
    And then it buggered their next of kin,

    (Chorus) It jumped on a departing bus,
    And the mess it made caused quite a fuss,

    (Chorus) The last time, Sir, that @#%$ was seen,
    Was in Buckingham Palace @#%$ the Queen,

    (Chorus) There's a moral to the story I tell,
    If you see it coming better run like hell,

    (Chorus) Nine months later a child was born,
    With two brass balls and a bloody great horn,

    (Chorus) The warning in the story is,
    Always fit a safety switch,

    (Chorus) The crux of the matter is plain to be seen,
    You should never trust a @#%$ MACHINE!
     
  6. Thankyou indeed good sirs!

    "The whole bloody issue was powered by steam!"

    That's why I couldn't google it!

    Cheers!