And the Ronaldo jokes start

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by jest265, Jul 12, 2006.

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  1. Sorry if posted elsewhere but I haven't seen it before.

    Out on her royal yacht the Queen was enjoying the sea air when she spied
    a man in the water off the port bough - clearly being menaced by a very
    large shark. Through her binoculars she could see it was Christiano Ronaldo, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!

    The Queen ordered the captain to change course to try and save the poor man, but she knew the yachts top speed would never get them there in time.

    At that exact moment a speedboat containing three men wearing England
    tops sped into view. One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

    They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat
    along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling ...... It was the Queen calling them to the yacht.

    On reaching yacht the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I'll give you a knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England team would hate Ronaldo after the world cup. But I see that the England team are true heroes and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other countries."

    She knighted them and sailed away.

    As she departed Rooney asked the others, "Who was that?!"

    "That," Beckham answered, "was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth and knows everything about our country."

    "Well," Rooney replied, "she knows F*** all about shark fishing. How's the bait holding up ?"
     
  2. Hurray!
     
  3. cristiano ronaldo goes to the doctors & says "every time i look in the mirror doc i get massively turned on".

    "not surprised by that at all" replies the doc.

    "why is that ?" asks ronaldo.

    "because you are a cnut" answers the doc.
     
  4. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Welcome to a week last Thursday with me, Jimmy Tarbuck.

    Ronaldo gets a job on the bins and he walks into a Chinese restarant.

    "Wheres your bin?" he asks

    "I bin to Hong Kong" comes the reply.

    "No you silly cnut, wheres your wheely bin?"

    "Ah, I weely bin to Hong Kong"

    *BADOOM TISH* Thank you thank you. Its the way I tell 'em. Try the veal and tip your waitress.