Now, someone come up with an appropriate snowflake version of "If" and send it to the Daily Mail ...............
If you fixate on house prices, Liz Hurley and the morals of the youth
If you can call for birching paedos while printing fruity schoolgirl pics as if were news.
Then yours will be the Mail, my son, and everything that's in it.
And hell mend you, you bum."