and now Kipling gets the Rhodes treatment.

Now, someone come up with an appropriate snowflake version of "If" and send it to the Daily Mail ...............
"If you can make up your headline while all around are printing facts and looking down on you.
If you fixate on house prices, Liz Hurley and the morals of the youth
If you can call for birching paedos while printing fruity schoolgirl pics as if were news.
Then yours will be the Mail, my son, and everything that's in it.
And hell mend you, you bum."
 
Summer holiday starts tomorrow and I've been to the pub (that's my excuse anyway). Since this is apparently becoming amateur poetry corner:

If (with apologies to Rudyard Kipling because it's shit)

If you can lose your head
Over the most trivial affairs
And generate outrage over issues
Where no-one else cares

If you prioritise someone’s skin
Over the ideas that they preach
And if anything you disagree with
Is automatically “hate speech”

If you are ignorant of context
And actions’ historical setting
But can find racism in
A statue or a building

If you refuse to buy a poppy
Because it ‘glorifies war’
But cannot demonstrate any
Of the qualities that flower stands for

If you froth and churn
Because others are allowed to perform
But ignore those on your side
When they gladly shout “no platform”

If you know none of your responsibilities
But all of your rights
And your only goal
Is more hashtags and ******* ‘likes’

Yours is the twittersphere
And everything that’s wrong
With maturity today. And what’s more
You’re a snowflake and a mong

Eedit fur speelung
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
Everyone knows he survived Khartoum, and went on to become head honcho of the NRA.
...after a spell vanquishing the Moors in Spain, followed by some time with a right bunch of monkeys
 
Students paint over classic Rudyard Kipling poem 'If' on campus wall Manchester students paint over classic Kipling poem 'If' | Daily Mail Online children think Kipling is an old, white man, or something,o vandalise another's work. Though claiming that the student body/union weren't consulted in the choice of poem, no mention of how the new poem was selected is given.
It's a shite state of affairs. I often think that we were fighting on the wrong side in Afghan and Iraq.
 
Summer holiday starts tomorrow and I've been to the pub (that's my excuse anyway). Since this is apparently becoming amateur poetry corner:

If (with apologies to Rudyard Kipling because it's shit)

If you can lose your head
Over the most trivial affairs
And generate outrage over issues
Where no-one else cares

If you prioritise someone’s skin
Over the ideas that they preach
And if anything you disagree with
Is automatically “hate speech”

If you are ignorant of context
And actions’ historical setting
But can find racism in
A statue or a building

If you refuse to buy a poppy
Because it ‘glorifies war’
But cannot demonstrate any
Of the qualities that flower stands for

If you froth and churn
Because others are allowed to perform
But ignore those on your side
When they gladly shout “no platform”

If you know none of your responsibilities
But all of your rights
And your only goal
Is more hashtags and ******* ‘likes’

Yours is the twittersphere
And everything that’s wrong
With maturity today. And what’s more
You’re a snowflake and a mong

Eedit fur speelung
Excellent stuff. Do you think the Guardian would publish?
 
Excellent stuff. Do you think the Guardian would publish?
Do what you want with it, just don't credit it to me. I'm at that stage where an elephant leg kebab with chilli sauce sounds appealing and I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret looking at this tomorrow morning.
 
Why not sit them all in a field and spray liberally with half a dozen Gpmg and then move to the next campus. The UK would become a better place very quick.
Are you mad? The cost of the weapons alone would be extortionate.

Novichok in the soya-decaff-latte-frappuchinos would be much more selective, efficient and cheaper.

Edit - Although from the news reports this Novichok stuff seems a bit crap. Original British VX would do the job properly.
 
Yet ne'er a mention of dear old Gunga Din? ;-)
Ah yes.. Gunga Din.. if these fekin' feckless SU types had read GD they would have realised that Kipling had a healthy respect for the fuzzy wuzzies... About a regimental water carrier who was beaten and abused by Tommy Aitkins and his like, treated like dirt, given a beltin' if he wasn't quick enough with the water, yet he was fearless and helpful and tended to the wounded under fire... and carried the wounded soldier in the poem off the battlefield to get treatment and was shot and killed in the process... yet before he dies he still thought of others before self and sez "I 'ope you liked your drink"... cue the remorseful "You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!" Marvelous stuff.

Gunga Din
You may talk o' gin and beer
When you're quartered safe out 'ere,
An' you're sent to penny-fights an' Aldershot it;
But when it comes to slaughter
You will do your work on water,
An' you'll lick the bloomin' boots of 'im that's got it.
Now in Injia's sunny clime,
Where I used to spend my time
A-servin' of 'Er Majesty the Queen,
Of all them blackfaced crew
The finest man I knew
Was our regimental bhisti, Gunga Din.
He was "Din! Din! Din!
"You limpin' lump o' brick-dust, Gunga Din!
"Hi! Slippy hitherao!
"Water, get it! Panee lao
"You squidgy-nosed old idol, Gunga Din."


The uniform 'e wore
Was nothin' much before,
An' rather less than 'arf o' that be'ind,
For a piece o' twisty rag
An' a goatskin water-bag
Was all the field-equipment 'e could find.
When the sweatin' troop-train lay
In a sidin' through the day,
Where the 'eat would make your bloomin' eyebrows crawl,
We shouted " Harry By!"
Till our throats were bricky-dry,
Then we wopped 'im 'cause 'e couldn't serve us all.
It was "Din! Din! Din!
"You 'eathen, where the mischief 'ave you been?
"You put some juldee in it
"Or I'll marrow you this minute
"If you don't fill up my helmet, Gunga Din!"


'E would dot an' carry one
Till the longest day was done;
An' 'e didn't seem to know the use o' fear.
If we charged or broke or cut,
You could bet your bloomin' nut,
'E'd be waitin' fifty paces right flank rear.
With 'is mussick' on 'is back,
'E would skip with our attack,
An' watch us till the bugles made "Retire,"
An' for all 'is dirty 'ide
'E was white, clear white, inside
When 'e went to tend the wounded under fire!
It was "Din! Din! Din!"
With the bullets kickin' dust-spots on the green
When the cartridges ran out,
You could hear the front-ranks shout,
"Hi! ammunition-mules an' Gunga Din!"


I sha'n't forgit the night
When I dropped be'ind the fight
With a bullet where my belt-plate should 'a' been.
I was chokin' mad with thirst,
An' the man that spied me first
Was our good old grinnin', gruntin' Gunga Din.
'E lifted up my 'ead,
An' he plugged me where I bled, An' 'e guv me 'arf-a-pint o' water green.
It was crawlin' and it stunk,
But of all the drinks I've drunk,
I'm gratefullest to one from Gunga Din.
It was "Din! Din! Din!
"'Ere's a beggar with a bullet through 'is spleen"
"'E's chawin' up the ground,
"An' 'e's kickin' all around:
"For Gawd's sake git the water, Gunga Din!


'E carried me away
To where a dooli lay,
An' a bullet come an' drilled the beggar clean.
'E put me safe inside,
An' just before 'e died,
"I 'ope you liked your drink" sez Gunga Din.
So I'll meet 'im later on
At the place where 'e is gone
Where it's always double drill and no canteen.
'E'll be squattin' on the coals
Givin' drink to poor damned souls,
An' I'll get a swig in hell from Gunga Din!
Yes, Din! Din! Din!
You Lazarushian-leather Gunga Din!
Though I've belted you and flayed you,
By the livin' Gawd that made you,

You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!
 
Last edited:
Are you mad? The cost of the weapons alone would be extortionate.

Novichok in the soya-decaff-latte-frappuchinos would be much more selective, efficient and cheaper.

Edit - Although from the news reports this Novichok stuff seems a bit crap. Original British VX would do the job properly.
My plan was flawed, how would we ever recover the student loans that the snowflake cnuts need to pay back.
 
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