A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by a very old Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man, "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainry," the Chinese man said, "but on one ah condition. If you ah ray a flinger on my daughter, I will infrict upon you the thlee ah worst Chinee tortures ah known to man." "Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old given her father's age, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinee Torture Numbah 1 ... Rarge lock on chest." "Well, that's pretty pathetic," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked up the large rock, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinee Torture Numbah 2 ... Lock tied to reft testricle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinee Torture Numbah 3 ... Light testricle tlied to bedpost."