I can't be the only person who does this. I've just returned from a trip to the shops to get myself some new brothel creepers, having successfully secured the purchase of said items and after a good old letch around town I headed back to the Spazmobile. It was during my trip down the stairs at the multi storey car park that I felt a thunk in my guts like a heavy duty solenoid kicking in, followed by the full feeling you get when the bomb bay is fully loaded with an airburst munition and it wants to get out sharpish. Now I new it was going to be pretty spicy as I'd delivered the last one not ten minutes earlier in a gentleman's outfitters right behind some spiv trying on a suit in front of the mirror, while the fruity attendant tried to butter him up for the sale, in that instance I'd layed it behind them then walked across the shop as the pungent aroma seeped out of my thundercrackers. I stood across the shop from them, the picture of innocence as I watched their eyes start to water and they both tried to ignore the consequences of my Tandoori Chicken Sizzler, a pickled egg, and a couple of packets of Scampi Fries all washed down with a litre of pineapple juice. That was just the start though and I new it, the main event was about to happen in my pants and I needed a target. As I descended the steps I spotted a prissy looking middle aged woman with a couple of kids in tow. They were only about six feet below me when I felt the payload arrive. I pushed, nothing happened. I was going to have to put maximum effort into this to deliver on target. I halted my descent down the stairs and strained. The woman sensing something was not right looked up, our eyes met. She showed a look of surprise as she stared into my face wondering why I had halted, was looking at her and was half smirking, half presenting my best poo face. Strain as I might I couldn't detonate the main charge and had to abort, the woman disappeared behind me, I felt dejected, let down by my own bowels. This was short lived as lumbering round the corner gasping for breath from the floor below came a ginger behemoth. "Tank Action!" called my inner monologue. Weapons made ready and the safety off there was no way this one was getting away. I released a huge fart, my ring reverberating dangerously as I wondered if I was going to score a "brown on brown". My ring snapped shut just in the nick of time as she was four steps below me and slowly labouring up the stairs, sucking like a V6 being redlined. The delivery was near perfect, it could only have been improved if I'd caught a handful and delivered it to her face whilst shouting "Cupcake!". My work finished I hopped down the remaining stairs with a spring in my step and a glint in my eye. Who else has a tale of bumfoolery related ambush?