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David Ginola - Vagina dildo

Teddy Sheringham - Teddy Minge rash

Ossie Ardiles - Arse is soiled

Diego Maradona - O dear, I'm a gonad

Tony Blair PM - I'm tory plan B

Virginia Bottomley - I'm an evil Tory bigot

Michael Heseltine - Elect him, he's alien

David Mellor - Dildo marvel

Dame Agatha Christie - I am a right death case

The Metropolitan Police Force - I'm fellatio, the erect porno cop

Benson and Hedges - NHS been a godsend

Selina Scott - Elastic snot

Mel Gibson - Big melons

Gloria Estefan - Large fat noise

Chris Rea - Rich arse

Martina Navratilova - Variant rival to a man

Gabriela Sabatini - Insatiable airbag

Irritable Bowel Syndrome - O my terrible drains below

Evangelist - Evil's Agent

Desperation - A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code - Here Come Dots

Mother-in-law - Woman Hitler

Semolina - Is No Meal

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