An unzeroed penis.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Porridge_gun, Mar 4, 2011.

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  1. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    Can you re zero your c0ck?

    I'm not sure whats wrong with my champ but its no longer splashing where its aimed.

    For a while now, my first splash of the day is always a nice leisurely sit down p1ss, the reasons are two fold, the first being that I take a while to come round and the second that I like to wee like a lady.

    Anyway.... recently, when I point the flesh stick at the urinal / lavvy it goes all over the floor, over my hand, down the front of my pants in fact everywhere other than where I am aiming. Its worrying me and its a ballache having to mop up p1ss everytime I go for a lag.

    Is there an IA drill on a penis which doesn't hold its zero? Am willing to try anything other than fastening it inside an armourers vice. Unless he can guarantee me that I will be hung like Lexington Steele at the other end of the treatment.

    The only other thing I thought of was welding on a sight like this one

    Does anyone else have a run away gun? has anyone had to change there bathroom carpet or re-grout over yellow stains between tiles? Is it an age thing? Will constant practise bring back its former accuracy?
  2. Lolly sticks and gaffertape, use the effiel tower as your blueprint
  3. If you remove all the chains and .50 Cal piercings off your bell-end, you ll be able to piss in an orderly manner.
  4. Get your prostate gland checked asap
  5. I notice either after sex or a wank my piss goes all over aim into the pan and find its splashing the bog rim. Even worse when it splits in two and looks like a snakes tounge or an out of control sending pish everywhere apart from the pan normally sorts its self out after 10 secs though
  6. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    I checked it myself earlier with a finger........ I love a soapy hand shandy with some prostate stimulation.

    I had no cancer on my finger nails, just a small smearing of bum butter which I wiped on the cats back
  7. I hope it was your cat, try laughing that one off with the kiddy next door
  8. At my local gun club they improved everybody's aim by gluing a piccy of Hillary Clinton inside the urinall. No one misses now. On your side of the pond you might wat to try Tony Blair, Harriet Harperson, or one of their colleagues.

    More seriously, it is just that you are getting old. Within a hear you will be wearing adult nappies. Have you started drooling yet, if not that will start soon.
  9. You have carpet in your bathroon? How terribly northern. My favourite northern bloke also has extreme difficulties targeting his piss stream, a simple leak turning into something resembling a scene from Noah and his massive fucking flood.

    You could opt for the usual methods of sitting down to piss or getting yourself in a leaning forwards stress position so it fires directly onto the water at the foot of the pan.

    Failing that, piss in the garden you strange spaghetti hosed wazzbeast
  10. I often have that problem, which I put down to a dried droplet of man-juice that needs "pissing off" out of the barrel. Best done squatting-to-piss"
  11. I dont aim at all, I generally find the S-bend water very cold........
  12. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    No I was attempting to engage the poor into the discussion.

    Michael Parkinson?

    Still spurts and coughs and misses, usually coating the fronts of my pants or stocking tops depending how I am dressed.

    Can't its patrolled by Guard Emus
  13. Rummage around in your collection of gun-related rubbish, see if you've still got a nine-milly cleaning rod.

    Alternatively, live with it; it's not going to improve with age.
  14. Get a catheter banged in there, never worry about pissing again.

    Go the whole hog and have the side of your guts opened for a colostomy, shit in bags. It saves loads of time as colostomy bags will hold several decent sized dumps before requiring a change.
  15. Well then looks like you're doomed to a future of "little boys wee's" and a despairing acknowledgement that the last strands of youth have finally slipped from your grasp.

    It comes to us all, I'm much younger than you, never had a natural childbirth and I still got piss soaked kecks after attempting to force out a sneaky fart on route home from work. Prolapsed pelvic floor...bad times.