An Old-Fashioned Military Mong

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Aleegee1698, Jul 3, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Thought I d start my own Blogg as I too lead a very tedious, boring, almost non-existent life-form on this planet.

    Heres my first Blogg:


    0800hrs, Got out of bed, brushed my teeth, had a dump. Had a wash. Looked out of the window, and drew the curtains again.

    0900hrs, switched laptop on, logged on to Arrse

    2247hrs, still on Arrse. Have been off the Veltins up until now, time for an ice cold beer.

    During the day I ate Brötchen, a packet of Minstrels, 2 rows of Whole-nut. I didnt venture to the outside world today, it was overcast and miserable, the thought of fresh air turned my stomach.

    My wifes a very important person, she s a Politician, she s the best, I just wanted to make sure you all know that, and I shall bring it up in every single Blogg-post so there are no doubts what-so-ever how great and important she is.

    Me? I m a couch-spud layabout Fuckwit who lives off her wages testing the newest X-box games (I ll post my reports on Youtube soon)

    I ve got 2 kids, daughters, one I ve christened "Twat", just to really demoralise and make insecure, the other ones called "Twat", just to really complicate matters. I love them, but love to publicly denigrate them, especially on the internet.

    Lets share Bloggs........
    • Like Like x 5
  2. Awwwwww poor Twat, can you ask the mods to create your own tab at the top, I will follow this with interest, does your wife sound like Mariella Frostrup?
  3. This is awful. But still not the worst I've read. More please.
  4. 2331hrs, Just extracted myself from the sofa, nature was calling.

    2336hrs, went down to the cellar, retrieved veltins No.3

    2337hrs, rolled cigarette, lit it

    2338hrs, opened stack of un-opened mail, wish I hadnt

    2340hrs, checked my email, wish I hadnt

    More death-defyingly interesting tweets to follow.........
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Picture of your wife??
  6. you poor sad cnut
  7. 2351hrs, recieved request for picture of my wife,cant, she works for the Bundesministierium für Geheimdienst

    2353hrs, thought of something to post on here, failed miserably

    Look, I dont want to disappoint anyone on here, this is all getting too much for me, its too much work-input. I hope that you find my Bloggs amusing and

    2359hrs, ran out of words
  8. How old are your daughters?
  9. Well played.
  10. Old enough!!!
  11. Far too old for you, and much too much intellectually advanced.

    PS. Hope spelling and grammar was OK
  12. 1030hrs - Woke up. Kicked dog off bed.

    1031hrs - Cursed the lad for not waking me up for Andrew Marr.

    1032hrs - Avoided red wine vomit on bedroom floor whilst going for a wee.

    1034hrs - After pissing like a shirehorse, went back to bed (avoiding said vomit).

    1055hrs - Dog decides he wants to be a ginger Pirate pillow but the bed is too high.

    1056hrs - Dog finally gets on bed (with a little help) and does his "Alien" Impression.

    1100hrs - Church Bells ring.

    1101hrs - Finally get to sleep again after checking phone for the 11th trillion time.

    1730hrs - Spew again. (It gets all the toxins out apparently). Feed dog. (Not vomit - that's just mean).

    1800hrs - Have argument with lad.

    1830hrs - Have another argument.

    2100hrs - Drool over Damien Lewis.

    2316hrs - Get dumped over the phone.

    2319hrs - Squish fly on screen of lappy.

    That's about it really. If anything really interesting happens, I'll let you know.
  13. Oh Slugster old bean, your day was more interesting than mine. I d like to be more specific but the grapevine tells me you are in a bad, bad mood

    • Like Like x 1
  14. Moi? Bad mood? Never.

    Where is my rusty bucket and the sharpened knives?
  15. Sharpened screwdriver is just as effective, and more difficult for a coroner to identify.