An Old-Fashioned Military Mong

A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#1
Thought I d start my own Blogg as I too lead a very tedious, boring, almost non-existent life-form on this planet.

Heres my first Blogg:

03.07.11

0800hrs, Got out of bed, brushed my teeth, had a dump. Had a wash. Looked out of the window, and drew the curtains again.

0900hrs, switched laptop on, logged on to Arrse

2247hrs, still on Arrse. Have been off the Veltins up until now, time for an ice cold beer.

During the day I ate Brötchen, a packet of Minstrels, 2 rows of Whole-nut. I didnt venture to the outside world today, it was overcast and miserable, the thought of fresh air turned my stomach.

My wifes a very important person, she s a Politician, she s the best, I just wanted to make sure you all know that, and I shall bring it up in every single Blogg-post so there are no doubts what-so-ever how great and important she is.

Me? I m a couch-spud layabout Fuckwit who lives off her wages testing the newest X-box games (I ll post my reports on Youtube soon)

I ve got 2 kids, daughters, one I ve christened "Twat", just to really demoralise and make insecure, the other ones called "Twat", just to really complicate matters. I love them, but love to publicly denigrate them, especially on the internet.

Lets share Bloggs........
 
#2
Awwwwww poor Twat, can you ask the mods to create your own tab at the top, I will follow this with interest, does your wife sound like Mariella Frostrup?
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#4
2331hrs, Just extracted myself from the sofa, nature was calling.

2336hrs, went down to the cellar, retrieved veltins No.3

2337hrs, rolled cigarette, lit it

2338hrs, opened stack of un-opened mail, wish I hadnt

2340hrs, checked my email, wish I hadnt

More death-defyingly interesting tweets to follow.........
 
#6
you poor sad cnut
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#7
Picture of your wife??
2351hrs, recieved request for picture of my wife,cant, she works for the Bundesministierium für Geheimdienst

2353hrs, thought of something to post on here, failed miserably

Look, I dont want to disappoint anyone on here, this is all getting too much for me, its too much work-input. I hope that you find my Bloggs amusing and

2359hrs, ran out of words
 
#12
1030hrs - Woke up. Kicked dog off bed.

1031hrs - Cursed the lad for not waking me up for Andrew Marr.

1032hrs - Avoided red wine vomit on bedroom floor whilst going for a wee.

1034hrs - After pissing like a shirehorse, went back to bed (avoiding said vomit).

1055hrs - Dog decides he wants to be a ginger Pirate pillow but the bed is too high.

1056hrs - Dog finally gets on bed (with a little help) and does his "Alien" Impression.

1100hrs - Church Bells ring.

1101hrs - Finally get to sleep again after checking phone for the 11th trillion time.

1730hrs - Spew again. (It gets all the toxins out apparently). Feed dog. (Not vomit - that's just mean).

1800hrs - Have argument with lad.

1830hrs - Have another argument.

2100hrs - Drool over Damien Lewis.

2316hrs - Get dumped over the phone.

2319hrs - Squish fly on screen of lappy.

That's about it really. If anything really interesting happens, I'll let you know.
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#13
1030hrs - Woke up. Kicked dog off bed.

1031hrs - Cursed the lad for not waking me up for Andrew Marr.

1032hrs - Avoided red wine vomit on bedroom floor whilst going for a wee.

1034hrs - After pissing like a shirehorse, went back to bed (avoiding said vomit).

1055hrs - Dog decides he wants to be a ginger Pirate pillow but the bed is too high.

1056hrs - Dog finally gets on bed (with a little help) and does his "Alien" Impression.

1100hrs - Church Bells ring.

1101hrs - Finally get to sleep again after checking phone for the 11th trillion time.

1730hrs - Spew again. (It gets all the toxins out apparently). Feed dog. (Not vomit - that's just mean).

1800hrs - Have argument with lad.

1830hrs - Have another argument.

2100hrs - Drool over Damien Lewis.

2316hrs - Get dumped over the phone.

2319hrs - Squish fly on screen of lappy.

That's about it really. If anything really interesting happens, I'll let you know.
Oh Slugster old bean, your day was more interesting than mine. I d like to be more specific but the grapevine tells me you are in a bad, bad mood

x
 
#14
Oh Slugster old bean, your day was more interesting than mine. I d like to be more specific but the grapevine tells me you are in a bad, bad mood

x
Moi? Bad mood? Never.

Where is my rusty bucket and the sharpened knives?
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#16
Moi? Bad mood? Never.

Where is my rusty bucket and the sharpened knives?
Thats the spirit, nothing can get you down, all this relationship shoite. It must be hard for you I m sure, but tell me, do you like taking off mens underpants with your teeth?
 
#17
Thats the spirit, nothing can get you down, all this relationship shoite. It must be hard for you I m sure, but tell me, do you like taking off mens underpants with your teeth?
Depends if they are smelly or not.

Boxies or tighty whiteys?
 

Grumblegrunt

LE
Book Reviewer
#18
I'm not sure I want to know what the dogs alien impression is all about.
 
#19
08:22. Woke up when the Sun came blindingly into the bedroom window.

08:22:15. Wrote memo to self to re-install blind I had taken off last week for cleaning.

08:23. Plodded into kitchen and put the kettle on. It didn't fit so I plugged it in and depressed the on switch.

08:24. Grabbed smokes, glasses, and a novel and headed to the bathroom (sharpishly) to crimp one off.

09:00. Came out of the stink room and checked my Crackberry for messages. None.
But did wonder out loud why my berry time said 06:11.

09:03. Made a coffee and fired up the 'puter.

09:04. Thought WTF !!!! why is my PC time @ 06:15.

09:04:01 Startling realization as I dimly remember a "short" power outage last evening.
Reset Alarm Clock to proper time.

09:10. Finish coffee and climb back into sack. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

11:22. Wake up and check PC E-Mails. Think about cracking one off but can hear the Wifey pottering about, decide it's tooo dangerous and settle for a quick fluff up only.

11:23. Read E-Mail from nephew who is coming to visit for a few weeks. Stunningly alarmed when I read he arrives on the 7th and not the 17th.

11:35. Move furniture in spare bedroom and start painting frantically.

16:48. 1st coat is done, and I must say what a fukkin beezing colour.
(for the decorators - Deep Cherry Red with Off White accents).

17:00. Grab a Beer from the Fridge and sit on the balcony in the Sun.
(83 deg for the Global Warmists) and read my book.

19:38. Check on Arrse and start writing a silly blog.

19:46. Realize that I have nothing further to say.

END BLOGG
 

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