An Important Question for The Slit-Arses

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Furryturd, May 19, 2013.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Seeing as I have read all the books on my side of the bed I was lying there this morning and idly flicking through random sections of Fifty Shades of Grey.

    Apart from an increasing sense of The Queg creeping up on me I came across all the details of what she agreed to participate in. Making a mental note I checked through to the end of the book and she really doesn't get up to much that is particularly good for morale but I live in hope.

    Anyway, to save me having to buy the next two books and consequently developing a specific talent for colours could one of the Lumpy Jumpers on here confirm whether Anastasia Steele gets it up the Ronson in the second or third book?
  2. FT, did you sniff the pages to see if the missus had been flicking the bean whilst reading?
    I often detect the aroma of week old haddock in the Romance/Ladies Porn shelves of the Library in which I work.
    • Like Like x 5
  3. Slit-arses?

    Are these the fabled slanty-eyed horizontal smiles?
    • Like Like x 2
  4. I gather the second two are a bit shite, and were really just cashing in on the first. There won't be a fourth as everyone has realised that now
  5. Quality, best I have are chairs to sniff but I got caught wheeling it into the traps to whack one off, you can just take a paperback of a particularly haddock scent and nip off to the loo for a swift one!
    • Like Like x 1
  6. That old chestnut.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. A woman of rare stamina. I managed one truly execrable paragraph.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. The young lady who tends my follicles (see pic elsewhere) having read a few passages of Vol. One to me asked for my opinion, as a well-travelled and worldly-wise bloke. I managed to ask her if she wanted to test some of the fiction about 5 seconds before 'The Millstone' came out from under the hairdrier.

    One day, God-willing; one day...
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Reviews from some of my punters.
    Betty Bluerinse: I rubbed my nubbin raw.
    Cynthia Clunge: 2 battery changes on my rabbit!
    Bertha Wizardssleeve: I got all 3 volumes up me I was so wet!
    Betty Windsor: And what do you do here young man?
    • Like Like x 4
  10. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Mrs B&T says that 50 Shades puts her in the right mood to have sex with me. I told her that 10 cans of Special Brew puts me in the mood to shag her.

    I masterbate alot.
    • Like Like x 8
  11. Haven't read the first one let alone the other two.

    I would imagine John Cleland's Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure published 1748 has more literary merit. Which I have read.
    • Like Like x 2
  12. Has it got pikchas? (Or even woodcuts?)
    • Like Like x 1
  13. I've just had a cunning plan... I'm going to buy the rights to the pop-up version of 50 Shades...
    • Like Like x 3