An evacuated latrine!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by k13eod, Jan 13, 2008.

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  1. Help or advice needed here ...

    This morning, during my morning ablutions, I have had quite a traumatic experience. Now I don't know if this is just the combined effects of the festive season indulgence and a week spent in Brussels frequenting Irish bars and curry houses or some old age condition. After the first 'S' of the 3 'S' routine I was forced to grab the toilet roll and make a sharp exit from the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Now, I have a strong stomach but the stench was overpowering and brought me close to collapse ... even the dog is now hiding 'upwind' in the garden. I have managed to 'wipe down' and burn the offending stained tissue, but the door to the bathroom remains firmly closed with the toilet unflushed. There is one window but, alas, it is located behind the toilet and remains firmly closed.

    The situation is worsened by the fact that my other half is at her mothers for the weekend and will not return until this evening; so I can't send her in to rectify the problem.

    I did think the dog could be utilised in the way that dogs will eat anything, but she steadfastly refuses to go upstairs (even, despite being placid, baring teeth when I drag her near the stairs).

    I have no self contained breathing aparatus in the house either.

    Solutions/suggestions anyone?

  2. surface-laying ????
  3. Mate, if you don't flush and brush, she will tear the rest of your limbs off.

    Mr Slug learned his lesson. Hence he is under the patio.
  4. No mate ... only time for a quick glance but it looked more like ditch water to me.

  5. Well, I have a few hours grace here ... but I was toying with the fact that she is medical, so might be more used to this kind of situation.

    She couldn't really afford to have the patio up again :D

  6. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Whatever you do, don't smoke or use any naked flame.
  7. Sorry. You've shat it.

    (Yes, that was a play on words but "shat" is such a good word)
  8. msr

    msr LE

    Failed to learn his lesson, surely?

  9. Snailio's only a clerk, mate, you should know by now that English and grammar are not their strong point.
  10. He failed in lots of ways, so I killed him. You're next if you don't shut it. :x

    (Glass stealer!)
  11. The situation is; I am still risking smoking, but only in the garden.

    I have been upstairs on a recce (unfortunately I have no detector paper) but was forced back down again.

    It appears that the vile pungent stench is now wafting from beneath the bathroom door :cry:

  12. sandbagging reuired then.
  13. It sounds like a good solution ... but just who is going up there to do it?

  14. Set fire to the house and go down the pub. When the Mrs turns up,feign ignorance and blame it on the now frazzled dog.
  15. full IPE, crack on.