An evacuated latrine!

#1
Help or advice needed here ...

This morning, during my morning ablutions, I have had quite a traumatic experience. Now I don't know if this is just the combined effects of the festive season indulgence and a week spent in Brussels frequenting Irish bars and curry houses or some old age condition. After the first 'S' of the 3 'S' routine I was forced to grab the toilet roll and make a sharp exit from the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Now, I have a strong stomach but the stench was overpowering and brought me close to collapse ... even the dog is now hiding 'upwind' in the garden. I have managed to 'wipe down' and burn the offending stained tissue, but the door to the bathroom remains firmly closed with the toilet unflushed. There is one window but, alas, it is located behind the toilet and remains firmly closed.

The situation is worsened by the fact that my other half is at her mothers for the weekend and will not return until this evening; so I can't send her in to rectify the problem.

I did think the dog could be utilised in the way that dogs will eat anything, but she steadfastly refuses to go upstairs (even, despite being placid, baring teeth when I drag her near the stairs).

I have no self contained breathing aparatus in the house either.

Solutions/suggestions anyone?

k13
 
#2
surface-laying ????
 
#3
k13eod said:
Help or advice needed here ...

This morning, during my morning ablutions, I have had quite a traumatic experience. Now I don't know if this is just the combined effects of the festive season indulgence and a week spent in Brussels frequenting Irish bars and curry houses or some old age condition. After the first 'S' of the 3 'S' routine I was forced to grab the toilet roll and make a sharp exit from the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Now, I have a strong stomach but the stench was overpowering and brought me close to collapse ... even the dog is now hiding 'upwind' in the garden. I have managed to 'wipe down' and burn the offending stained tissue, but the door to the bathroom remains firmly closed with the toilet unflushed. There is one window but, alas, it is located behind the toilet and remains firmly closed.

The situation is worsened by the fact that my other half is at her mothers for the weekend and will not return until this evening; so I can't send her in to rectify the problem.

I did think the dog could be utilised in the way that dogs will eat anything, but she steadfastly refuses to go upstairs (even, despite being placid, baring teeth when I drag her near the stairs).

I have no self contained breathing aparatus in the house either.

Solutions/suggestions anyone?

k13
Mate, if you don't flush and brush, she will tear the rest of your limbs off.

Mr Slug learned his lesson. Hence he is under the patio.
 
#5
The_Snail said:
Mate, if you don't flush and brush, she will tear the rest of your limbs off.

Mr Slug learned his lesson. Hence he is under the patio.
Well, I have a few hours grace here ... but I was toying with the fact that she is medical, so might be more used to this kind of situation.

She couldn't really afford to have the patio up again :D



k13
 

Auld-Yin

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#6
Whatever you do, don't smoke or use any naked flame.
 
#7
k13eod said:
The_Snail said:
Mate, if you don't flush and brush, she will tear the rest of your limbs off.

Mr Slug learned his lesson. Hence he is under the patio.
Well, I have a few hours grace here ... but I was toying with the fact that she is medical, so might be more used to this kind of situation.

She couldn't really afford to have the patio up again :D



k13
Sorry. You've shat it.

(Yes, that was a play on words but "shat" is such a good word)
 
#8
The_Snail said:
Mate, if you don't flush and brush, she will tear the rest of your limbs off.

Mr Slug learned his lesson. Hence he is under the patio.

Failed to learn his lesson, surely?

msr
 
#9
Snailio's only a clerk, mate, you should know by now that English and grammar are not their strong point.
 
#10
msr said:
The_Snail said:
Mate, if you don't flush and brush, she will tear the rest of your limbs off.

Mr Slug learned his lesson. Hence he is under the patio.

Failed to learn his lesson, surely?

msr
He failed in lots of ways, so I killed him. You're next if you don't shut it. :x


(Glass stealer!)
 
#11
The situation is; I am still risking smoking, but only in the garden.

I have been upstairs on a recce (unfortunately I have no detector paper) but was forced back down again.

It appears that the vile pungent stench is now wafting from beneath the bathroom door :cry:

k13
 
#12
sandbagging reuired then.
 
#14
Set fire to the house and go down the pub. When the Mrs turns up,feign ignorance and blame it on the now frazzled dog.
 
#15
k13eod said:
A_Knocker_Till_The_End said:
sandbagging reuired then.
It sounds like a good solution ... but just who is going up there to do it?

k13
full IPE, crack on.
 
#16
Murphy_Slaw said:
Set fire to the house and go down the pub. When the Mrs turns up,feign ignorance and blame it on the now frazzled dog.
Problem is, the dogs not a Beagle so doesn't smoke!

k13
 
#17
Soak a towel in your wifes favourite perfume,Tie it round your face.Then attack toilet very fast.......................She will forgive you
 
#18
Very funny. It must be the time of year. I confess that I don't possess a loo brush as they are a haven of disease. Friday night was a bit of a boys night. Was getting the house nice yesterday for a potential Mrs 58 Mk2 to nightstop. I noticed that there was a brown skid in the loo. Used my gay Tesco fruity toliet gel and a 360 degree squirt and left it for half an hour. Went back and could see it was still there.

The Emperor Mong then spoke to me "58 In Order to get a Khazi like an Operating Theatre try your Aerosol of Industrial Strength Mr Muscle Oven Cleaning Foam on this offending stain"

Fcuk my old Boots the chemical reaction was like something off a science lesson. The fumes choked me & made my eyes stream. I kid you not I had a flashback to the first time I took my S6 Respirator off in the gas chamber back in the 80's.

Tesco Toliet Gel & Mr Muscle should not be mixed. They should not even be allowed to be sold in the same shop. I am convinced that CDE Porton Down developed this and thats what ended the Cold War in Europe. It was a our secret weapon.

By the way the Khazi came up like Wedgewood Porcelain Bone China and potential Mrs 58 mk2 commented on it was nice to see a chap with a lovely clean bathroom. Go on try it at home.......
 
#20
k13eod said:
Help or advice needed here ...

This morning, during my morning ablutions, I have had quite a traumatic experience. Now I don't know if this is just the combined effects of the festive season indulgence and a week spent in Brussels frequenting Irish bars and curry houses or some old age condition. After the first 'S' of the 3 'S' routine I was forced to grab the toilet roll and make a sharp exit from the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Now, I have a strong stomach but the stench was overpowering and brought me close to collapse ... even the dog is now hiding 'upwind' in the garden. I have managed to 'wipe down' and burn the offending stained tissue, but the door to the bathroom remains firmly closed with the toilet unflushed. There is one window but, alas, it is located behind the toilet and remains firmly closed.

The situation is worsened by the fact that my other half is at her mothers for the weekend and will not return until this evening; so I can't send her in to rectify the problem.

I did think the dog could be utilised in the way that dogs will eat anything, but she steadfastly refuses to go upstairs (even, despite being placid, baring teeth when I drag her near the stairs).

I have no self contained breathing aparatus in the house either.

Solutions/suggestions anyone?

k13
Is the Flying Geese still there.... ?
 

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