An English man in lockdown in France

Oyibo

LE
Just 14 more sleeps then a gentle start towards the return of a proper life in the country.
Aperos in the garden with the neighbours, and the belated start of the pétanque league.
For those two little things alone I shall be truly grateful and feel blessed.

(Got a shit ton of green waste to go down the tip when it opens too!)
Same same (apart from the pétanque - hunting is the main sport where I am). I suspect there's going to be quite a few 'soirées bière et fromage' in my neck of the woods when things return to something approaching normality.

Waiting for the déchetterie to open as well - 'twas sod's law that my freezer packed up last week, so now I have that sitting around with all the packaging from the new one.
 
Same same (apart from the pétanque - hunting is the main sport where I am). I suspect there's going to be quite a few 'soirées bière et fromage' in my neck of the woods when things return to something approaching normality.

Waiting for the déchetterie to open as well - 'twas sod's law that my freezer packed up last week, so now I have that sitting around with all the packaging from the new one.
Déchetterie done this morning - ours hasn’t closed and empty bottles do take up space.
With a bit of luck the museum will reopen on 8 June and I can go back to work, and ´Les Pétes en Queues’ are getting out to practise.
 

Oyibo

LE
Déchetterie done this morning - ours hasn’t closed and empty bottles do take up space.
With a bit of luck the museum will reopen on 8 June and I can go back to work, and ´Les Pétes en Queues’ are getting out to practise.
Queuing in France, IMO, has been the most astonishing social change I have ever seen! (Said with some, but not complete, irony.) The acid test will be when flights get back to normal and one has to 'queue' when the boarding announcement is made - being British I always intervene when some f*cker pushes in and point out where the back of the queue is. It works sometimes!
 
Queuing in France, IMO, has been the most astonishing social change I have ever seen! (Said with some, but not complete, irony.) The acid test will be when flights get back to normal and one has to 'queue' when the boarding announcement is made - being British I always intervene when some f*cker pushes in and point out where the back of the queue is. It works sometimes!
And the other sense of ‘queue’?
 

Oyibo

LE
And the other sense of ‘queue’?
Ah! I see what you mean. I'm not so up-to-speed on French double-entendres. One of the few ones I know is "I washed my spoon yesterday".
 
We arrived in France Jan 2017, my wife has a job in Paris that rents our property for us. We were lucky enough that we had a choice of properties. Ours is in a small village on the outskirts of Paris. We chose the location as we have a small girl (3 at the time of writing) also we had two dogs. The location of the property means we can walk to the forest in 10mins at toddler speed (more about that in a bit).

When covid 19 arrived in France we had seen the measures that the Italians had taken, we realised that similar measures would have to happen in France. So while my wife was away in the UK for a week long course I started to make a list of the food we had in the house as well as the camping meals we had left over from my adventures in my van. I calculated that in just the camping meals alone we had enough meals for the three of us for nine days. They would be boring meals, that’s why they have been left over. As a family we like to have a relatively well stocked, fridge, freezer and cupboards.

Moving on to 12th March 2020 The French president announced that the education system would be closing on the 16th March 2020 so after taking our girl to school on the 13th I went to our local corner shop brought some more, milk, bread, fruit and veg. The shop was still fully stocked and no one seemed to be panic buying, French nonchalance I thought.

14th March 2020 it was announced that, Cafes, clubs, bars and all other non-essential places were to close from midnight. The next day I went out to the shop brought more, milk, veg, a few tins of spam and corned beef. Still no panic buying by the locals. Okay I thought we have landed on our feet here the locals are going to be sensible about this whole thing.

15th March 2020 we went for a family walk in the local forest. It seemed that the whole of the local population had the same idea and that everyone who possessed a bike had taken it out for a ride (more about that later).

16th March 2020 the president announced he would address the nation at 20:00 local time. Off I go to the local shop in the afternoon leaving the little one with her Mum. Well my hope we are in a sensible community is dashed there was feck all left on the shelves. I was not really after anything the trip was just a case of idol curiosity. The attestation forms (yes there are two different ones, this is France after all) come in to effect.

17th March 2020 after the address last night we are in lockdown from midday.

18th March 2020 wife works from home little one and I play.

!9th March 2020 a change in what you can do while you are out. You are only allowed 2Km from home exercising and only for twenty mins, no cycling at all, no going to the park and the most unusual not allowed in to the forest

20th March 2020 the local shop, doctors and chemist are still open but on a new set of opening hours. The shelves have been restocked. Life is carrying on pretty much as it ever did. Though both the wife and child now have temps in the 38s with cold like symptoms. Joy... Still little lady will be four tomorrow.
My boss in a secret spy base retired to France, 30 years later his wife is in a care home over there (cannot speak much French), the boss is in a poor medical state and I wish him all the best.
 
From past experience in France it absolutely astonishes me that any of the French took any notice of the laws at all. Suppose I spent most of my time in the SW in more rural areas.

Presume Germany told them to bring in these measures and they eagerly collaborated complied ;)
 

Oyibo

LE
Let's hope you never get told "the English have landed" any time soon then!
I had to look that up, and am now armed with more euphemisms for menstruation in French than I know in English!
 

GrandadsMOB

War Hero
I had to look that up, and am now armed with more euphemisms for menstruation in French than I know in English!
At a wedding in France several years ago, after the marriage ceremony was completed (in French and English) I took the training wheels off and boldly pronounced:
"<groom>, vous pouvez baiser votre épouse!"
I was astonished at the reaction :eek:
When I went to school it meant you may kiss your wife.
Of course I'd used my English-French dictionary beforehand and saw that "to kiss" in French was "baiser" (or "embrasser"), as indeed it had been all those years ago when I was learning French at school.
It was only when I looked up "baiser" in the French to English section that I realised what I'd said.
All during the reception afterwards I was asked by many of the young ones present would I please conduct their marriage!
Thank God I didn't try to say, "May I kiss your wife?"
 
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Ned_Seagoon

War Hero
The two déchèteries that cover our area back in business this week but by appointment only and limited to 200 clients per day. Good news, as I have a trailer full of hedge cuttings ready to go. Less good news, ComdHomeFront imagines that I am going to dig out and dispose of the “temporary” weed-pit that I created in our woods just after this epic started. I might get round to that in a decade or two.
 
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Oyibo

LE
At a wedding in France several years ago, after the marriage ceremony was completed (in French and English) I took the training wheels off and boldly pronounced:
"<groom>, vous pouvez baisser votre épouse!"
I was astonished at the reaction :eek:
When I went to school it meant you may kiss your wife.
Of course I'd used my English-French dictionary beforehand and saw that "to kiss" in French was "baisser" (or "embrasser"), as indeed it had been all those years ago when I was learning French at school.
It was only when I looked up "baisser" in the French to English section that I realised what I'd said.
All during the reception afterwards I was asked by many of the young ones present would I please conduct their marriage!
Thank God I didn't try to say, "May I kiss your wife?"
On a similar note, at a works Christmas party in Brussels my father apparently asked his secretary if he could 'baiser' her under the mistletoe! @Trackpen may well correct me, but I believe that if the word is used as a noun it means 'kiss', if used as a verb it means ****
 
On a similar note, at a works Christmas party in Brussels my father apparently asked his secretary if he could 'baiser' her under the mistletoe! @Trackpen may well correct me, but I believe that if the word is used as a noun it means 'kiss', if used as a verb it means ****
I would guess he used the only speaking basic French excuse to test his secretary's response , :) , after all who wants a kiss if a shag is a possibility.
 

Oyibo

LE
I would guess he used the only speaking basic French excuse to test his secretary's response , :) , after all who wants a kiss if a shag is a possibility.
He knew fine well what he was saying - his French was excellent, and he joked about it when he got home (presumably rather 'tired and emotional'). Luckily it was in the '70s so he didn't face a sexual harassment charge!
 
At a wedding in France several years ago, after the marriage ceremony was completed (in French and English) I took the training wheels off and boldly pronounced:
"<groom>, vous pouvez baisser votre épouse!"
I was astonished at the reaction :eek:
When I went to school it meant you may kiss your wife.
Of course I'd used my English-French dictionary beforehand and saw that "to kiss" in French was "baisser" (or "embrasser"), as indeed it had been all those years ago when I was learning French at school.
It was only when I looked up "baisser" in the French to English section that I realised what I'd said.
All during the reception afterwards I was asked by many of the young ones present would I please conduct their marriage!
Thank God I didn't try to say, "May I kiss your wife?"
That had the tears rolling down my cheeks.
 
On a similar note, at a works Christmas party in Brussels my father apparently asked his secretary if he could 'baiser' her under the mistletoe! @Trackpen may well correct me, but I believe that if the word is used as a noun it means 'kiss', if used as a verb it means ****
Unless you find it as a compound noun such as ‘baise-ball’ - see ‘San Antonio’ and, as usual with that source, use your imagination!
 

Oyibo

LE
Unless you find it as a compound noun such as ‘baise-ball’ - see ‘San Antonio’ and, as usual with that source, use your imagination!
I must say, this Covid confinement is doing wonders for my French slang. I have just found 'baisodrome' as a term for a brothel.
 
From past experience in France it absolutely astonishes me that any of the French took any notice of the laws at all. Suppose I spent most of my time in the SW in more rural areas.
Presume Germany told them to bring in these measures and they eagerly collaborated complied ;)
They really are a nation of hypochondriacs in normal times, look at how many villages of under a thousand residents always has a pharmacy(and hairdressers too).
The place runs on Doliprane (paracetamol) for everything or eau de vie in the country for the aged.
Dany Boon has it nailed, again.

 

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