Amusing ways to mess with someones car

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Wetneck, Jul 12, 2013.

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  1. Hello NAAFI,

    I have a bit of a problem. Right now, outside my house somebody has parked a Van.

    Normally this wouldn't be a problem (apart from the fact its a dirty van outside our house) but as it's a Friday night, the Mrs has gone to work and both my car and my 'weekend' car are on the drive meaning that when the shouty one returns home at about 0700 she will need to park in the spot outside the house.
    We only have two spots on the drive and the weekend car normally lives in the garage, but what with it being a nice weekend it's been prepared for the usual fun and is sitting on the drive, not going back in the garage until Sunday night.

    We have this problem about once a month, the chap who lives round the corner brings home the works van for a weekend apparently under the pretence to clean it but really to use it to run all his crap down to the tip (sorry, Household waste & recycling collection and distribution centre)

    It always seems to clash with the Mrs doing a nightshift and so he parks his van infront of our house for some reason, despite the fact he lives on an entirely different road, just so he can keep his drive free for his and his wifes matching BMW's

    I've asked him nicely to stop doing it and 2 weekends ago when I saw him I did remind him not to do it again.

    It seems he has forgotten.

    I was planning on going out at about 2300 to put dogshit under his door handles and let the tyres down but I'm sure the NAAFI must have some better options out there.

    Pictures will be provided of any action carried out on really good, practical, suggestions.
  2. Grow a penis.
    • Like Like x 8
  3. Fuck off you malignant cock pocket.
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Cock.

    You want him not to park on the road you can, for the exact same reasons.

    Dick... I hope he catches you messing with his van and fetches his lump hammer to the back of your thick skull.
    • Like Like x 2
  5. In fact, nobody's that much of a cock.

    I call WAH.
  6. I was going to suggest something but was diverted by the clarity of this single simple solution.
  7. That's not a wah, what's a wah is a wah.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Immediately ring the police, there appears to a man who owns a van, and possibly pays road tax, parked on the public highway near your house.

    Demand the death penalty, he's obviously a danger to the rest of us and has very nearly caused an apocalypse, with his, frankly, outrageous attitude of just parking wherever he is legally entitled.......the gainfully employed law abiding cunt.
    • Like Like x 3
  9. There was a thread last year I think, by someone who was having a problem with a necky guy parking in his actual drive. Since the van is on the public highway, there's not much you can do about it. The Shouty one will have to park along the road a bit.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. I reckon you should clean the side of his van that faces your house. Spotlessly and with a high wax shine.
    • Like Like x 6
  11. Put some gravel in the hub caps, then when he drives off he'll think that the wheel bearings have failed and he'll take the van to the garage to get it repaired. If you're lucky, the nearest approved dealer will be in a large town a long way from your drive; so you'll be rid of this pesky and inconsiderate scoundrel for a while.

    This advice provided by Tropper - who knows about these things. He invented jolly japes, don't you know.
  12. There was... it was the ancient cock...I mean Mariner...spluttering tea all over his Daily Mail and posting about it on Arrse.

    The fanny.
    • Like Like x 2
  13. The only problem you have is to plan the quickest route to the local A&E Department, as sure as hell that is where you will end up messing with this guys vehicle, in fact he might be a benevolent sort, and drop you off at A&E to get rid of the final piece of trash in his van.
  14. Simple, wait until he doesn't bring the van home again, go round to his house at dark o'clock in the morning and torch the house with him, his wife and kids in it. Problem sorted, he'll never park outside your house again ^^
    • Like Like x 2
  15. Spray some graffiti all over it