Amusing Swearing

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by deerhunter, Dec 23, 2009.

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  1. This may have been done before; if it has then someone will remind me of it, no doubt.

    My son is now old enough not to hide the fact that he swears from me, and I can get away with the odd bit of choice language back.

    I was thinking of the number of amusing and inventive swearing I have heard during my time - stuff that is not really offensive, but which could be pretty rude. Stuff that, if you were on the receiving end of it, you would not really mind, despite the words that were being said, and could chuckle at.

    Examples I've recently used "at" my son: spunk trumpet, cock knocker, shit lips, etc.

    Anyone got any others that may come in handy?

  2. Is he also old enough not to hide the fact that he's gay?
  3. mysteron

    mysteron LE Book Reviewer

    Spunk Bubble, Spacktard and Quadraspaz-on-a-life-plug are my personal favourites.
  4. I was once in a cab being driven by a pissed turkish taxi driver. Someone cut him up, so he wound the window down and screamed "Idiot-cunt!" at them.

    I'd never heard those two words put together before then.

    Another one that made me smile (on a different occasion) was "Lop-eared son of a double-cunted whore!" :D
  5. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    I recall shouting retread at some chavs in Nuneaton, that stopped them dead whilst 94 and I pissed ourseleves laughing!
  6. Wobble Gob, Spunk Splash, Arse Wipe. Other favourites include "Face like a bulldog licking shite from a stinging nettle" or "If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave its arse and make it walk backwards!"
  7. Prick licker
    clunge monkey
  8. "Anonymous donation to a sperm bank"
    and from another Arrser describing Jodie Marsh - spunk bowser
  9. Face like a dog's bum with a hat on

    Face like a well-slapped arse

    Face like a welder's test-piece

    A workman was doing a job at my dear old ma's place when something went wrong. He was about to say 'oh fuck' when he realised the Dowager Duchess Civvie was there, so he swerved into 'oh fairycakes'.

    I now find myself using that when my 5 y.o. daughter is around.
  10. Face like a melted piece of lego.
    sperm burper
  11. Why did you get in a taxi that had a drunken driver?
  12. Cock jockey
    cant think of anymore ATM so will get back to that
  13. Head like a fire-damaged stickle brick
    cock knocking zip sniffer
  14. It was about 2 in the afternoon, so I wasn't expecting him to be pissed!

    I got in, and after a couple of hundred yards he starts asking me how many vodkas do I think it would be possible to drink before being over the limit. I wanted to know why he was asking, and he said it was because he'd just got out of the pub after having six or so. It was while we were having this conversation that he was cut up by the Idiot cunt!
  15. haha its been a while since i contributed on here,but one of my faves is " a face like a plasterers radio" :D