American idiots- renamed to miserable arrseholes

#1
i bloody love this



The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
"How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
 
#4
RATO (for rocket assisted etc) surely? There have been aircraft that used jet assisted takeoff - the Mk3 Shackleton was one and I'm sure there were others - but this was RATO.
 
#5
there was a bloke who strapped a one to his truck but that was in a desert and he didnt crash . the tale is an urban myth .
 
#6
humour police please-
it is only supposed to be a bit of fun- ffs
i dont really care how true it is or if the terminoligy is wrong- did you guys forget your happy pills this morning?
:evil:
 
#7
I've read this before it's on a web site called darwin awards, it's the awards for people who die in stupid circumstances.
 
#8
must be a few on here with US relations somewhere in their past!!
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#9
Operator said:
Ahh, if only it were true. (see the darwin awards book). But unfortunatly this little gem was born and raised on the internet.

Snopes reference
Quote 'The Wylie Coyotie-ness of it.........'

LOLOLOLOLOL Brilliant! :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#11
Techtechtech said:
Filbert Fox said:
must be a few on here with US relations somewhere in their past!!
I've had relations with US girls in the past :lol:




Is that my coat, how kind............ 8O
Surely not your sister
 
#12
ctauch said:
Techtechtech said:
Filbert Fox said:
must be a few on here with US relations somewhere in their past!!
I've had relations with US girls in the past :lol:




Is that my coat, how kind............ 8O
Surely not your sister
it was your sister.....or was it your mum? fecked if I know but she was your relative, webbed feet and hands, licked windows and went mmmmmmllllllaaaarrrrr a lot :wink:
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#13
dui-lai said:
ctauch said:
Techtechtech said:
Filbert Fox said:
must be a few on here with US relations somewhere in their past!!
I've had relations with US girls in the past :lol:




Is that my coat, how kind............ 8O
Surely not your sister
it was your sister.....or was it your mum? fecked if I know but she was your relative, webbed feet and hands, licked windows and went mmmmmmllllllaaaarrrrr a lot :wink:
Isn't Ctauch's sister and mum the same thing ?
 
#15
i did get that from the darwin awards site- but who cares. - i thought it was funny-
BUT... not as funny as talking about someones mum!

to all those who put stupid remarks on this thing-

'i hear your mum is a mattress in hmp dartmoor' 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O
 
#16
Cutaway said:
dui-lai said:
ctauch said:
Techtechtech said:
Filbert Fox said:
must be a few on here with US relations somewhere in their past!!
I've had relations with US girls in the past :lol:




Is that my coat, how kind............ 8O
Surely not your sister
it was your sister.....or was it your mum? fecked if I know but she was your relative, webbed feet and hands, licked windows and went mmmmmmllllllaaaarrrrr a lot :wink:
Isn't Ctauch's sister and mum the same thing ?
My mum is also my aunt and my sister is also my mum...and they are two different people for feck sake.

I guess you Brit's don't know the saying "if she ain't good enough for your family then she ain't good enough for ours"

Isn't it a fact that the British Empire was at its greatest when the royals were inbreeding? :wink:
 
#17
dui-lai said:
ctauch said:
Techtechtech said:
Filbert Fox said:
must be a few on here with US relations somewhere in their past!!
I've had relations with US girls in the past :lol:




Is that my coat, how kind............ 8O
Surely not your sister
it was your sister.....or was it your mum? fecked if I know but she was your relative, webbed feet and hands, licked windows and went mmmmmmllllllaaaarrrrr a lot :wink:
she did all of those things, but it was your Mum DL 8O
 
#18
Techtechtech said:
she did all of those things, but it was your Mum DL 8O
My Mum is working the streets of Leith, Edinburgh and if you have to go there for a knee trembler with her, you are fecking desperate 8O

Did she take out her teeth to give you a BJ? Did for me on a few occasions :wink:
 
#19
dui-lai said:
Techtechtech said:
she did all of those things, but it was your Mum DL 8O
My Mum is working the streets of Leith, Edinburgh and if you have to go there for a knee trembler with her, you are fecking desperate 8O

Did she take out her teeth to give you a BJ? Did for me on a few occasions :wink:
I've heard of motherly love, but this is all quite disturbing! 8O :lol:
 
#20
DozyBint said:
dui-lai said:
Techtechtech said:
she did all of those things, but it was your Mum DL 8O
My Mum is working the streets of Leith, Edinburgh and if you have to go there for a knee trembler with her, you are fecking desperate 8O

Did she take out her teeth to give you a BJ? Did for me on a few occasions :wink:
I've heard of motherly love, but this is all quite disturbing! 8O :lol:
Aahhh, come on DB. Its what I call true love, even better if she swallows :wink:
 

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