American idiots- renamed to miserable arrseholes

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by GrumbleWeed, Mar 21, 2005.

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  1. i bloody love this

    The Arizona Highway Patrol were mystified when they came upon a pile of smoldering wreckage embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The metal debris resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it turned out to be the vaporized remains of an automobile. The make of the vehicle was unidentifiable at the scene.

    The folks in the lab finally figured out what it was, and pieced together the events that led up to its demise.

    It seems that a former Air Force sergeant had somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take-Off) unit. JATO units are solid fuel rockets used to give heavy military transport airplanes an extra push for take-off from short airfields.

    Dried desert lakebeds are the location of choice for breaking the world ground vehicle speed record. The sergeant took the JATO unit into the Arizona desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, accelerated to a high speed, and fired off the rocket.

    The facts, as best as could be determined, are as follows:

    The operator was driving a 1967 Chevy Impala. He ignited the JATO unit approximately 3.9 miles from the crash site. This was established by the location of a prominently scorched and melted strip of asphalt. The vehicle quickly reached a speed of between 250 and 300 mph and continued at that speed, under full power, for an additional 20-25 seconds. The soon-to-be pilot experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners.

    The Chevy remained on the straight highway for approximately 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes, completely melting them, blowing the tires, and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. The vehicle then became airborne for an additional 1.3 miles, impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, and left a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

    Most of the driver's remains were not recovered; however, small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

    Ironically a still-legible bumper sticker was found, reading
    "How do you like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-SHIT."
  2. Ahh, if only it were true. (see the darwin awards book). But unfortunatly this little gem was born and raised on the internet.

    Snopes reference
  3. RATO (for rocket assisted etc) surely? There have been aircraft that used jet assisted takeoff - the Mk3 Shackleton was one and I'm sure there were others - but this was RATO.
  4. there was a bloke who strapped a one to his truck but that was in a desert and he didnt crash . the tale is an urban myth .
  5. humour police please-
    it is only supposed to be a bit of fun- ffs
    i dont really care how true it is or if the terminoligy is wrong- did you guys forget your happy pills this morning?
  6. I've read this before it's on a web site called darwin awards, it's the awards for people who die in stupid circumstances.
  7. must be a few on here with US relations somewhere in their past!!
  8. Quote 'The Wylie Coyotie-ness of it.........'

    LOLOLOLOLOL Brilliant! :lol: :lol: :lol:
  9. I've had relations with US girls in the past :lol:

    Is that my coat, how kind............ 8O
  10. Surely not your sister
  11. it was your sister.....or was it your mum? fecked if I know but she was your relative, webbed feet and hands, licked windows and went mmmmmmllllllaaaarrrrr a lot :wink:
  12. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Isn't Ctauch's sister and mum the same thing ?
  13. My point exactly.......hard to tell them apart :wink:
  14. i did get that from the darwin awards site- but who cares. - i thought it was funny-
    BUT... not as funny as talking about someones mum!

    to all those who put stupid remarks on this thing-

    'i hear your mum is a mattress in hmp dartmoor' 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O