American COPs advice to American Civilians

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by Trip_Wire, Jul 5, 2006.

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  1. Trip_Wire

    Trip_Wire RIP

    I know that most of this is intended for Americans in the USA; however, I think somethings seem like they might fit into life in the UK as well.:

    Watch out for the CSI effect. There is no machine that we can drop an eyelash into and come up with the DNA profile, fingerprints, and mug shot of the owner in 2 minutes.

    When you see an emergency vehicle behind you with its lights and sirens on: pull to the RIGHT, and Stop. We are usually required to pass cars on the left.

    Dunkin' donuts has much better coffee than they do doughnuts.

    When you're driving in the fast lane and you see a cop behind you don't, go 5 mph's under the speed limit. We are not impressed by how safe of a driver you can be, we're trying to go help someone (or catch that guy in the SUV that just cut you off). Safely move over and let us pass by you, please.

    If you get a warning instead of a ticket from a motorcycle cop...go buy a lottery ticket, because you've already beaten the odds.

    When you see an officer conducting a traffic stop, or with a suspect in handcuffs] it is generally not a good idea to approach him/her and ask for directions. If you do, don't expect the officer to be nice when he/she tells you to get lost, and don't expect the officer to take the time to explain.

    If a cop causes a car accident we usually get a ticket, and sometimes we get suspended. When is the last time you got 3 days off [without pay] for rear-ending a guy at Wal-mart.

    If you think you can fan all the pot smoke out of the car before we smell it, good luck.

    We know you've had more than 2 beers. I've never had two beers and driven my car through the front doors of a Toys-R-Us, pissed my pants, and passed out with my foot on the gas.

    Here's how to get out of a ticket, don't break the law in the first place.

    If you drive a piece of junk car; this is why you're getting pulled over. In one week I pulled over 10 cars for minor equipment violations. 8 out of 10 had no vehicle insurance, 7 out of 10 had suspended drivers licenses,
    5 out of 10 had warrants, 2 out of 10 had felony warrants, and 1 out of 10 was a known sex offender with his 12 year old niece in the car without her mothers knowledge. Of the 2 out of 10 that didn't have any other violations, one was given a fix-it-ticket and the other was given a warning(and if you are trying to do the math many had multiple violations)

    If you've just been pulled over how doing 70 in a 35 Do Not greet the officer with, "What seems to be the problem, officer?"

    We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some shopping during them.

    When you're the victim of a burglary take the time you spend waiting for the officer to find the model #'s and the serial #'s of the stuff that was taken.

    Some cops are just jerks, but take heart in the fact that other cops don't like them either.

    If it's nighttime and you're driving a vehicle with tinted windows and I pull you over. It's not because of your skin color, I can't tell if the vehicle even has a driver until the windows' are rolled down.

    Cops make mistakes, and sometimes they are big mistakes.

    Some cops are bad, and sometimes they're real bad.

    Every time you hear on the news about people running away from a crazed gunman, someone's son or daughter in a blue uniform is running TOWARD that crazed gunman.

    City cops generally don't like the highway patrol, and vice versa.

    Yes it's true, cops usually don't give other cops speeding tickets. Think of it as an employee discount, perk or benefit, and unless you're a habitual speeder all you ever get is a fine anyway.

    If your local police agency has a helicopter everyone knows it's loud and annoying, but did you know it can cover the same area as 15-20 patrol officers, and safely chase criminals that are driving 90 MPH through city streets. Many times the guy has no idea it's there and slows down.

    Your 5 year old kid getting pushed down by another 5 year old kid IS NOT a police matter, talk to the other kid's parents.

    If your kid won't do his homework or do his chores,911 is not the answer for a uniformed second-string parent.

    If you hit your spouse in front of your children, your children will hit their spouse in front of their children.

    Police work is...writing reports.

    If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but I get to see a K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the $20.

    In 1 week of patrol work in a large city only about 10 minutes would be cool enough to be on the television show, COPS. But if COPS was about report writing and accident reports each show would be a week long.

    Every traffic stop could end in gunfire, but we have to be polite and professional until that time.

    I've taken about the same amount of men/women to jail for domestic violence, so NO it's not always the man.

    People love fire fighters.

    Attention Victims: I need to know the WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, and HOW. Not what meds you're on or what your 15 cats have peed on.

    Some cops don't like to be called cops. I don't know why, but most don't care -- we've been called worse.

    If you find crack pipes in the ladies purse, there is a good chance they belong to her.

    Cops know you pay taxes and that your taxes pay cops' salaries. Cops also pay taxes, which also pay cops' salaries so, hey, this traffic stop is on me. Now sign here; press hard.

    And a Variation On The Above --- Irate Offender: My tax money pays your salary, so you work for me! LEO: I pay taxes, too, so I figure I'm self-employed.

    When you see an officer walk into the room, a polite greeting of Hello, how are you? is much more appropriate than, Uh-Oh Jim, it looks like they're here for you! or putting your arms up and exclaiming, I didn't do it! It will surely save you from looking like an unoriginal horse's ass.

    If there are police cars, fire trucks, or ambulances at your neighbor's house then there is a problem. You don't need to meddle into your neighbor's business by asking us what's happening. Your curiosity, no matter how strong, is not a reason violate your neighbor's privacy. If it's something that YOU need to worry about, we would've knocked on your door and told you.

    Remember that you and I enjoy the benefits of Constitutional rights. So does the guy you suspect of stealing your stuff. No, I can't go search his house for your property just because you suspect he might be involved.

    No, I don't know your cousin who's a police officer in (fill in location anywhere in the US) (We Don't All Know Each Other)

    No your crappy band doesn't have until 10:00pm to blast your crappy music out of that garage.

    If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don't need a warrant.

    If you don't know what the speed limit in your neighborhood is what makes you think it's 65.

    If a neighborhood association asks for police to start ticketing in their neighborhood, one of the first five ticketed is on the board of the association.

    When you're blocking an area to traffic (both foot and vehicle), "No, you can't go that way" doesn't mean, "You're special, so by all means, go ahead."

    If an officer is standing in front of you with his hand outstretched, waving furiously at you, plus he's yelling for you to "Stop", it's usually a good idea to do as he asks. Please don't keep driving towards the officer.

    Flares + cruiser parked at an angle equals a place you can't go, even if it's a ramp to the interstate.

    Don't run from the police and then attempt to hide in a warehouse. Especially don't do this if the officers tell you that the dog is going to be let loose, as this will generally result in the dog winning. They leave some pretty marks, by the way.

    Stop resisting means exactly that. Don't say "I'm not resisting" as you throw a punch at the officer's face.

    Just because you're handcuffed doesn't mean you won't go on the ground if you attempt to assault an officer. We don't even make exceptions for pregnant women who bite us, either.

    Did you really think I wasn't going to find that large lump of crack you got clenched in your butt? Come on, it's either the world's largest 'roid, or you got something you ain't supposed to have.

    If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before you search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket.

    For some reason, you think I'll believe it when you tell me that you don't know how it got there. (see above)

    Stopping a green man in a blue shirt and pink pants a block away from an armed robbery when the suspect description is a green man in a blue shirt and pink pants...IS NOT racial profiling.

    Just because you have your hazard lights on, doesn't mean it is okay to park in the fire lane and run into the store. Even if you really need milk!

    No I will not go get your 6 year old from their friends house, because it is 1:00am and you don't want to drive 3 minutes. Maybe you should set a curfew, and enforce it. I am not a bad police officer, you're a bad parent.

    Don't call us and ask us to solve a problem in 10 minutes that took 2 years to create.

    And Last but not least: 99% of Police Officers do their job honestly and with great pride, we try to do our job well. Often we have to work in environments where we are the only ones that have to follow the rules.

    A veteran Sergeant told me on my first day of patrol when you wear that uniform everything you do is a liability.

    We do make mistakes and due to the nature of the job sometimes they have horrible results. Sometimes minor mistakes cost Police Officers their lives, at a rate of 1 every 50 hours.
  2. Entertaining read. Sounds like my mates dad (retired Homicide Detective)
  3. "Watch out for the CSI effect. There is no machine that we can drop an eyelash into and come up with the DNA profile, fingerprints, and mug shot of the owner in 2 minutes. "

    There really isn't? Gutted.
  4. I'm looking forward to the episode where they comfirm the moon landings off a cctv image of a relection of the moon in a car wing mirror just by blowing up the pic.
    I've tried photoshopping my w@nk fodder and all I get is big squares.
    You'll be telling me its not real next.
  5. Definately not UK police then.

  6. Never. And here you would also be put on the sex offenders register.

  7. We have crazed gunmen here only a few weeks ago there was a seige in Liverpool.
  8. American civilians advice to whiny arsed American COPS: go suck a tailpipe, Jack. Nobody requested your retarded rant.
  9. As an American non-civilian (i.e. military: Contrary to the opinion of a number of LEOs and some recent non-legal dictionaries, cops are civilians as well), I'm a little confounded by the original purpose of the post.

  10. Trip_Wire

    Trip_Wire RIP

    Hey Five Jump! This article was posted in another area on UK Cops, but was moved by a MOD I guess. Why I have no idea, as I thought it fit better there.

    As for Civilian:

    I was just looking at that picture of you in the 'blues again, are those foreign wings on the right breast? Also, even five jump chumps wear their basic wings above their ribbons, I don't see any there. :?
  11. Just another American LOB

  12. Amazing how archeologists can dig up a single rotten leather shoe from the third century with a trowel and immediately know all there is about an entire nation but the Septics don't have an automatic DNA machine that can "come up with the DNA profile, fingerprints, and mug shot of the owner in 2 minutes!"

    Probably because the technique was developed by British scientists................................................
  13. If you must quote low-grade dictionaries, try this one.

    As I said, some recent non-legal dictionaries have started to include police. Legal dictionaries (i.e. those used by lawyers) still retain the distinction. So does the Geneva Convention, if you're curious. (Since this is a military website, after all, it's a good international standard)

    Yes they are. For what it's worth, I've accumulated a bit of bling in the years since the photograph was taken.