America Vs Glasgow

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by brettarider, Jul 3, 2007.

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  1. America v Glasgow's take on the airport bombing incident

    If this had happened in a US airport,compared to glasgow Eyewitness accounts.

    America:"Oh my God! there was a man on fire,he was running about, i just ran for my life..i thought i was gonna die,he got so close to me"

    Glasgow "C*nt wis running aboot on fire,so a ran up n gave him a good boot,then decked him"

    America:"I just wanna get home,away from here..i just wanna get home, i thought i was gonna die"

    Glasgow:"here shug,am no leaving here till am oan a f*ckin' plane!"

    America:"there was pandemonium,people were running in all directions,we didn't know what was hapening,i thought i was gonna die"

    Glasgow:"F*ck this fir a kerry oan,moan we ll get a pint in"

    America:"We thought he was gonna blow us all up he had a gas canister,and was trying to get into his trunk,i thought we were gonna die,i just ran for my life"

    Glasgow:"a swaggered by the motor that wis on fire,and the dafty couldnae even open his boot,he wis in fire annaw so a ran up n gave him a good boot to the baws"

    America:there was this huge explosion,it sounded like war,i thought i was gonna die"

    Glasgow:"There wis a bang,yi know when yi throw BO basher intae a fire it wis like that"

    America:"i'm too traumatised even to speak,i thought i was gonna die"

    Glasgow "here mate,gies 2 minutes till a phone ma auld dear,if am gonna be oan the telly a want her tae tape it"

    & finally, two quotes from an eye-witness.........john smeaton (these are real) John just surpassed himself on the National ITV new. The interviewer asked
    "What message do you have for the bombers" - he replied "This is Glasgow we'll just set about you"

    John did an interview with CNN and they asked how he restrained the guy and he said "me and other folk were just tryin 2 get the boot in and some other guy banjoed him" !
  2. 4 men were caught breaking the no smoking rule in glasgow airport, they claimed it was part of a Muslim religous period calld Ram-a Van

    Boom Boom
  3. Twas doon by the Inch o' Abbots

    Oor Johnny walked one day

    When he saw a sicht that troubled him

    Far more than he could say

    A fanatic muslim bastard

    Wiz doin what he'd planned

    And intae Glesca's departure hall

    A Cherokee he'd rammed.

    A big Glaswegian polis

    Came forward tae assist

    He thocht "a wumman driver"

    Or at least someone half-pissed

    But to his shock nae drunken Jock

    Emerged to grasp his hand

    But a flamin Arab loony

    Frae Al Qaeda's band

    The mad Islamist nut-case

    Had set hissel' on fire

    And swung oot at the polis

    GBH his clear desire

    "Now that's no richt", wur Johnny cried

    And sallied tae the fray

    A left hook and a heid butt

    Required tae save the day.

    Noo, listen up Bin Laden

    Yir sort's nae wanted here

    For imported English radicals

    Us Scotsmen huv nae fear

    Oor hame grown Glesca Asians

    Will have nae bluidy truck

    So tak yer worldwide jihad

    An get yersel tae F***
  4. Two muslims leave Pakistan to live in Scotland. They agree to meet two years later to see who has become the most Scottish. Two years pass and the first one says "I got a Scotland top, I drink whiskey and have a Scottie dog. I fish and play golf. How about you now?" Second one replies "Get tae fcuk ya paki b*stard!".
  5. How mature.