I am currently on my 25th visit (work and holiday) to the USA. While I have had a lot of great memories, it is still a deeply weird country with a lot of things that I just dont get. I thought I would capture a few to see of any ARRSERS could make sense of it all.
Very public toilets...
There is no such thing as a private satisfying shit in the USA. Every public loo stall seems to have enormous gaps between the floor and stall, and between door and stall that leaves nothing to the imagination.
You walk in and get to make eye contact with all your fellow toilet users, who often feel obliged to say hello. Why cant a man take a shit in privacy?
This is before we get to the appalling state of public toilets, which look and smell like a dirty protest cell. Americans make British toilets look serene and sophisticated.
No road signs
You drive down a road, usually a freeway and are waiting to make a turn off. Unlike the UK where things are signed up and clear, there is one tiny sign on the junction without warning. Driving here involves a lot of u turns, swearing and getting very lost - even with a GPS.
Land of the free (except for all the rules)
Go to any site, official location, shop and there are always rules telling you what you can and cannot do. The whole country is insanely germanic in the way in expressly nags and bollocks people to follow the rules. Everywhere you go there are instructions, and it feels like you cannot breathe without following the rulebook. The worst part is everyone follows the rules without question no matter how mad they are.
Third World Public Transport
I defy anyone to get on a US public transport system and not look around and wonder if they are actually in the third world country of nambia.
Decrepit stations, no information (staff follow rules saying do not ask for help). Trains dirty, slow and full of weird people. Stations designed as an example of what the world will be like when trologdytes rule the earth (hello Penn Station).
Adverts with tv shows
Last night a local TV channel showed a batman film. It started at 8pm and finiahed at midnight - to show a barely 2hr long film. It was adverts at a 1:1 ratio to film.
The adverts are awful - medical ones show images of elderly people with loving families talking about wonder drug X saving their lide. Then there is 2-3 minutes of film footage while the side effects of drug X, usually including 'death' get read out.
Cult like self belief
An isolated country led by a remote despotic figure with nuclear weapons. Kids indoctrinated from birth to belive they live in paradise, visible and very scary levels of patriotism on display and a sense that anyone who questions it is a threat. Sometimes its hard to tell DPRK and USA apart...
Look, I love this country but my god its mad out here.
Very public toilets...
There is no such thing as a private satisfying shit in the USA. Every public loo stall seems to have enormous gaps between the floor and stall, and between door and stall that leaves nothing to the imagination.
You walk in and get to make eye contact with all your fellow toilet users, who often feel obliged to say hello. Why cant a man take a shit in privacy?
This is before we get to the appalling state of public toilets, which look and smell like a dirty protest cell. Americans make British toilets look serene and sophisticated.
No road signs
You drive down a road, usually a freeway and are waiting to make a turn off. Unlike the UK where things are signed up and clear, there is one tiny sign on the junction without warning. Driving here involves a lot of u turns, swearing and getting very lost - even with a GPS.
Land of the free (except for all the rules)
Go to any site, official location, shop and there are always rules telling you what you can and cannot do. The whole country is insanely germanic in the way in expressly nags and bollocks people to follow the rules. Everywhere you go there are instructions, and it feels like you cannot breathe without following the rulebook. The worst part is everyone follows the rules without question no matter how mad they are.
Third World Public Transport
I defy anyone to get on a US public transport system and not look around and wonder if they are actually in the third world country of nambia.
Decrepit stations, no information (staff follow rules saying do not ask for help). Trains dirty, slow and full of weird people. Stations designed as an example of what the world will be like when trologdytes rule the earth (hello Penn Station).
Adverts with tv shows
Last night a local TV channel showed a batman film. It started at 8pm and finiahed at midnight - to show a barely 2hr long film. It was adverts at a 1:1 ratio to film.
The adverts are awful - medical ones show images of elderly people with loving families talking about wonder drug X saving their lide. Then there is 2-3 minutes of film footage while the side effects of drug X, usually including 'death' get read out.
Cult like self belief
An isolated country led by a remote despotic figure with nuclear weapons. Kids indoctrinated from birth to belive they live in paradise, visible and very scary levels of patriotism on display and a sense that anyone who questions it is a threat. Sometimes its hard to tell DPRK and USA apart...
Look, I love this country but my god its mad out here.
