Amazing discovery

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Blogg, Mar 22, 2007.

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  1. A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium."

    Governmentium has 1 Neutron, 12 Deputy Neutrons, 75 Assistant Neutrons and 224 Deputy Assistant Neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

    These 312 particles are held together by forces called Morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of Lepton-like particles called Peons. Since Governmentium has no protons or electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

    A minute amount of Governmentium will cause any reaction or process, no matter how rapid or energetic, to take 28 days to complete.

    Governmentium has a normal half-life of 5 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a constant structural change in which a portion of the Assistant Neutrons and Deputy Neutrons exchange places at random.

    Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since the structural changes cause more Peons to be created, Morons to become Deputy Assistant Neutrons, etc whilst the unpromoted particles do not vanish but become static Isodopes of their original form.

    This characteristic of endless Peon creation and particle promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium will implode leaving no trace whenever Morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

    However, when a near-critical morass of Governmentium is catalysed with sufficient amounts of money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which, although slightly lighter than Governmentium, has the unique ability to absorb huge amounts of energy to no observable effect. It is practically indestructable and defies all known means of change.

    To get it to move is extremely difficult. But once moving it is nearly impossible to stop or get it to change direction

    Although research continues, this is thought to be due to Administratium constantly reducing the number of Peons by half but at the same time doubling the number of Morons. Deputy Assistant Neutrons and Assistant Neutrons
     
  2. Very funny, very funy.

    I think if we can distract the morons the govermentium might explode?????

    What do you think????????
     
  3. :D :thumright:

    Can it be beamed the f**k away, Star Trek style?
     
  4. It has been found that while Governmentium has no electrons it is orbited by what is called Mandelson Particles.

    These tiny particle have no mass, no charge and no use but yet exert massive amounts of power over the central mass. Their main quility is spin, and this is what causes the attraction.
     
  5. Anyone know what the value of Spin is for shadow Governmentium?

    That information is needed to enable the replacement of the isotopes 'Bliariam' and 'Gorgonium' with something with a lesser spin rate.
     
  6. Presumably then it is the effect of the Peons and Morons on the various Neutrons that can be seen in that well documented school experiment that demonstrates Brownian Motion.
     
  7. Very good
     
  8. ROFL!

    Thanks for cheering my lunchtime!

    Litotes
     
  9. You refer to the simplistic Smoke Cell arrangement to demonstrate Brownian Motion, Collapsar. [Nuffield General Science Course]

    I suspect that in keeping with the characteristics of the current sample of Governmentium the apparatus needed will be somewhat more complicated.

    It will doubtless consist of 'Smoke and Mirrors' to enable sufficient brightness to be subtended on the Peons and Morons. However the effects are likely to cause confusion as to exactly what is actually occuring and no real experimental results can be obtained until a successful Oppositiononium sample is installed within the vacuous vestibule in the Westminster facility.

    Note the defunct biological waste nearby: Bacillus Briani Haws.
     
  10. Governmentium does not show true Brownian Motion though. If you watch it for a while you will se it moves in a series of U-turns untill it gets hopelessly lost and then just stalls.