Am I going to Die?

Mattb

LE
Post your worrying illnesses, injuries and conditions here so that ARRSE's highly opinionated team of pessimists can tell you how horrible your death is.


I've just pulled out a nose hair and it's at least half an inch long and it's white (they're usually black) - do I have nose cancer? Is it AIDS?



Am I going to die from insufficiently diligent checking of the search function?
 
 
Of course you're going to die you fool! Everyone's going to die so why worry if your nose is cancerous- it will drop off if you pick it with sufficient force enough times !
 

Mattb

LE
Good to know.




Size 12, before anyone asks.
 
Oi, Ponytail Schnozz, before you die of nose aids remember to bung the tenner in the post. You haven't got long left.

Don't trip on your hooter hair on the way to the post box.
 

Yokel

LE
Post your worrying illnesses, injuries and conditions here so that ARRSE's highly opinionated team of pessimists can tell you how horrible your death is.


I've just pulled out a nose hair and it's at least half an inch long and it's white (they're usually black) - do I have nose cancer? Is it AIDS?



Am I going to die from insufficiently diligent checking of the search function?

You should have used a nose condom.
 

zaps

Old-Salt
I count pulling my nasal hair out with snipe nosed pliers as a hobby. I once tugged one out that felt like it was anchored in my brain, she was a beaut, I was so impressed that I kept it coiled up in a matchbox. If I'd had a few more of them I could have fashioned them into a 30 ton SWL rope and used it for vehicle recovery.
 
On my manly chest covered in hair is a pore that dribbles a drop of some undefined clear liquid now and again.
I wondered if it was an ingrown hair and have performed field surgery on it a number of times whilst drunk.

Could it be the AIDS ?

On another hair related matter, I have started to sprout the odd one or two from the top of my nose so that in side profile I have the appearance of a unicorn . These get torn out as soon as they are visible.

I'm thinking of suicide
 

Psychopomp

Old-Salt
I've been on the sauce solid for the past three days and my heart wont stop beating like the clappers, have I got time to make it to the bookies and put a few grand on my immediate death?

I've no one to give it to like, it'd just be nice to beat the bastards for once.
 
A few years back one of my snout hair folicles got infected. Did it ever fooking throb, made me feel properly poorly it did, the little barsteward. As I recall it was up my left nostril. The end of my nose was as red as an alcoholic squaddies (just so those who have served can picture it accurately). I could tell it was full of puss, so I was trying to squeeze it out, as you do. Stuck my finger up the right nostril and pushed from the other side. I can only describe what came out as a maggot of puss. The relief! Felt like a different man 5 minutes after it came out.

And I didn't die.
 

Blue Vinny

War Hero
Nasal and ear hair were the bain of my life until I splashed out and bought myself one of those battery powered trimmers. I now walk about proudly with my nostrils and earholes as hairless as a new born babe. The problem now is the monthly AA battery bill.
 
Look, if youse kunts are going to shuffle off, will you make it sooner rather than later: anything during silent hours, and I have to pay my blokes more for out-of-hours removals.

..............and don't go dying on the shitter: your Kestrel-soaked hovels will smell bad enough as it is. Plus, if you do kark it on the crapper, you ain't going anywhere until first rigor mortis has passed.

Selfish kunts.
 
I've just pulled out a nose hair and it's at least half an inch long and it's white (they're usually black) - do I have nose cancer? Is it AIDS?
No your just getting old!!
Your family will have you in a care home by the end of the week.
You can then wet your pants, dribble food down your bib and feel up woman with droopy tits!!
 

Mattb

LE
On my manly chest covered in hair is a pore that dribbles a drop of some undefined clear liquid now and again.
I wondered if it was an ingrown hair and have performed field surgery on it a number of times whilst drunk.

Could it be the AIDS ?

On another hair related matter, I have started to sprout the odd one or two from the top of my nose so that in side profile I have the appearance of a unicorn . These get torn out as soon as they are visible.

I'm thinking of suicide
Yep, and do it quick.

You'll have to burn yourself you death though, any other method and the AIDS might get out.


Please set up some sort of live stream so that we can check it all went well.

Best wishes, etc


Talking out of my bum, via a mobile telephone.
 
No your just getting old!!
Your family will have you in a care home by the end of the week.
You can then wet your pants, dribble food down your bib and feel up woman with droopy tits!!
**** me, you know how to spread a bit of cheer don't you... What do you do for an encore?
 

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