The Mem Sahib's bicycle was in for repair this week and she asked me if I'd go and pick it up from the cycle shop. Because it was a nice day, my bike needs a service and I need the exercise I decided to take my own bike and cycle the 5 miles to the cycle shop. It was only when I picked hers up it dawned on me, she has a Dutch 'sit up and beg' no-croosbar girlie bike with only 3 gears. To cheers from the guys in the cycle shop I set off back home with my polo shirt collar pulled up in the vain hope it will hide my identity. I was not far from home when a woman stepped out in front of me. I yanked on the brakes and skidded to a halt in front of this puffy, purrilant saggy boobed bright red GWAR. She looked at me and smiled (stuff of nightmares) and turned slightly towards me and said sorry. This woman would make Hattie Jacques look slim but when she turned she had a very low cut white and flowery vest which did nothing to conceal nipples the size of hitchhiker's thumbs pointing at her feet. She also had on a pair of red thin cotton cropped trousers with a huge camels toe with a dark red damp patch around it. Surely a GWAR crossing you path must be the strongest form of bad luck and I'll be doomed forever?