Am I being selfish in wanting to do another tour?

#1
My unit has now been offered the chance to go to Afghanistan as well as the UN tour to Cyprus.
I have already done Telic 4 and had a good time (as much as one can) whilst I was there. I would love to go on another tour because, 1. my mates are going, 2. I had a (relatively) good tour last time, 3. social responsibility.
HOWEVER, Mrs MBE thinks in a different way to me and doesn't want me to go at all as she suffered last time with me being away with one sprog and now we have two. She also wants me to leave the TA after I receive my VRSM (the papers go in in November). I however, do not.
I am hopefully due to get promoted to Sgt in the near future which will take some of the pressure off the call-up situation as in my corps they mainly wants corporals. I have promised her I will not volunteer to do another tour because of her not having a laugh a minute last time, so, two questions:
Am I really being selfish in wanting to do another tour? And by far the most important, how do I win her over by staying in the TA after my VRSM is pinned on my chest (I must point out that she was TA herself for five years so knows the score!!)?
 
#2
Ask shortfuse for advice! :D


http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/index.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=75882#1478693


First thing i would do is check between my legs for a set of balls....

How could you let your relationship get to a point where she would dare even make eye contact let alone raise a hand to you....

and what in the name of all that is holy was the television remote doing out of your hand? were you taught nothing as a child?

This sort of behaviour undermines what is wrong with todays society... it starts with not dishing out daily doses of ubertanked up beer fuelled violence to the wife and before you know it the very fabric of society is falling apart.

You dress wearing homo, grow a set and get in there, shove her head in the hot pan, and remind her of the man she once loved through swollen eyes.
 
#3
MightyBigEgo said:
My unit has now been offered the chance to go to Afghanistan as well as the UN tour to Cyprus.
I have already done Telic 4 and had a good time (as much as one can) whilst I was there. I would love to go on another tour because, 1. my mates are going, 2. I had a (relatively) good tour last time, 3. social responsibility.
HOWEVER, Mrs MBE thinks in a different way to me and doesn't want me to go at all as she suffered last time with me being away with one sprog and now we have two. She also wants me to leave the TA after I receive my VRSM (the papers go in in November). I however, do not.
I am hopefully due to get promoted to Sgt in the near future which will take some of the pressure off the call-up situation as in my corps they mainly wants corporals. I have promised her I will not volunteer to do another tour because of her not having a laugh a minute last time, so, two questions:
Am I really being selfish in wanting to do another tour? And by far the most important, how do I win her over by staying in the TA after my VRSM is pinned on my chest (I must point out that she was TA herself for five years so knows the score!!)?
Do the Cyprus tour and take her with you. Sorted.
 
#4
Yes you are being selfish. That's the straight answer. If you have to go you go but you have responsibilty to your wife and kids so don't volunteer. I can feel the flak coming in already but it's not as though you've dodged the column, you've done your share now give your missus and the sprogs a bitt of consideration, that way she may be a bit more amenable to you staying in the TA and doing another tour a bit later when the sprogs are a bit older.
 
#5
Listen to the advice of the Domestic Chief of Staff.

msr
 
#6
No, you're not being selfish (I've only done one and spending time away due to other commitments, plus only now coming back to the TA means it'll be a while before I can do another). Mrs MBE must be taken along with you though - surely she goes with the "for better or worse" thing?
 
#8
legal_eagle said:
Fcuk em...If you needed a wife and kid you would have been issued with them!
Well, he has signed for them....

msr
 
#10
craftsmanx said:
Yes you are being selfish. That's the straight answer. If you have to go you go but you have responsibilty to your wife and kids so don't volunteer. I can feel the flak coming in already but it's not as though you've dodged the column, you've done your share now give your missus and the sprogs a bitt of consideration, that way she may be a bit more amenable to you staying in the TA and doing another tour a bit later when the sprogs are a bit older.
Agree with above advice. Its hard work being left behind doing all by yourself, especially with children. If she had tough time before with one then hows she gonna cope. All well and good being told to 'deal with it' and 'pull yoursefl together' but it dont work like that.

If you have to go away then fair enough, but if you have a choice you have to consider your misses and the kids as well.
 
#11
M.B.E. my thoughts are with you,have just signed papers to go to afghan in march,after a long time of discussion and argument with the wife.i have three kids,and wanted to go for awhile,mrs ten501 was'nt very interested.eventually i ground her down and she relented,and so the papers were signed,but i still remember all the selfish batards that she called me.you are not being selfish mate,it is your duty to go,and therefore,you must.your missus,is not very realistic in her outlook,were you in the t.a. before you met,for better or worse and all that.and it's not as if you can play around much out there,so it's should'nt be a question of trust.all i know is,if she loves you she will live with it,and if not,then i'm sorry.
 
#12
Good luck with that approach mate.. Juyst remember, your family will be around a hell of a lot longer, and will care for you better, than the TA ever will. I take my duty seriously, but in order of priority, my family are always first.. and if my missus was telling me she couldn't cope with me going away, I would be seriously listening to her..especially if there are kids in the equation.
You know the score, it is your marriage/relationship, so ultimately it is only you that can decide..
 
#13
Stephanie said:
craftsmanx said:
Yes you are being selfish. That's the straight answer. If you have to go you go but you have responsibilty to your wife and kids so don't volunteer. I can feel the flak coming in already but it's not as though you've dodged the column, you've done your share now give your missus and the sprogs a bitt of consideration, that way she may be a bit more amenable to you staying in the TA and doing another tour a bit later when the sprogs are a bit older.
Agree with above advice. Its hard work being left behind doing all by yourself, especially with children. If she had tough time before with one then hows she gonna cope. All well and good being told to 'deal with it' and 'pull yoursefl together' but it dont work like that.

If you have to go away then fair enough, but if you have a choice you have to consider your misses and the kids as well.
Listen to both the above and not the (hopefully tongue in cheek) replies saying that you should just ignore her as she is only your wife ! If you are told you are going then fine, but to volunteer knowing what she went through the last time you went is selfish. I think it comes down to who/what you value the most, her or the chance to go out and be shot at with your mates (because that is what she will be thinking).
 
#14
#15
Dear All,
thanks for the replies, and it does actually confirm what I was already thinking, I just needed it from an outsider's perspective.

The more important one is how to stay in the TA after my VRSM. I feel I still have a lot to offer regarding training (having been the recruit and recruiting cpl - they are two different things in my unit) and experience - even if it does mean going on tour again, but againm she is, understandably worried that I will go (compulsorily) on another tour. I don't particularly want to join the cadets as an instructor but may have to go down that line if necessary...
 
#16
We've all got to move on at some stage, there's no point dragging it out.

Get the VRSM, add it to your TELIC medal and join the cadets - heaven knows there are some scrotes out there, and the more of them you can put on the straight and narrow, the better all of us will be.

Now, if some of them actually go on to join the TA, then it is a double winner :)

msr
 

Mr Happy

LE
Moderator
#18
Mate,

Well done for Telic. You should not feel underpressure to do Herrick as well. That's probably enough for a part-timer. Cyprus is just a gong tour - are you sure you want a gong and no action so bad as to pish off the partner and not see your kids?

I too would love to do Herrick but I got out when my first boy was born. As you've been in for nearly ten years its obvious that you know the score about leaving. Loads get out early and few manage 5 years let alone 10, obviously many get out because their partners want them to. Speaking personally I banged out when the kids started getting born - I didn't want them to grow up without a dad and having done 15 years and three S-Types/tours - it was enough. I am full of respect for dads still serving - but it isn't for me.

If you want to go on another tour and it involves volunteering may I recommend just lying to the wife and telling her you got mobilised. No need to tell her you are volunteering.

If she REALLY did have a bad time of it (as opposed to the moaning version) then may I recommend sitting down with her and writing a long list of what went right, what went wrong and what needs to be sorted so it doesn't happen again (e.g. replace the 20 year old boiler before going, get the roof fixed now, start saving in case of glasgow pay office cock ups now, all that sort of thing) so she doesn't have such a tough time next time around. If its time-off from the kids, motivate her to go to mothers and baby clubs etc for companionship.

Also - I suggest leaving the normal TA and joining a specialist TA unit (one camp a year, couple of weekends, no wednesday training etc) - this will prolong your life in the military whilst not making you very mobilisable. Of course you'll lose the pay and a big bunch of the comraderie but it'll be better than the Cadets. However I say this having never been a cadet nor a specialist TA soldier so use a pinch of salt.[/]i

Mr H
 
#19
Mr Happy said:
If you want to go on another tour and it involves volunteering may I recommend just lying to the wife and telling her you got mobilised. No need to tell her you are volunteering.
Can I rather strongly recommend that you do not lie to your mum*, the Domestic Chief of Staff or your employer...

Mr H, I think you need to have a work with yourself.

msr

* see paragraph 4
 

Mr Happy

LE
Moderator
#20
msr said:
Mr Happy said:
If you want to go on another tour and it involves volunteering may I recommend just lying to the wife and telling her you got mobilised. No need to tell her you are volunteering.
Can I rather strongly recommend that you do not lie to your mum*, the Domestic Chief of Staff or your employer...

Mr H, I think you need to have a work with yourself.

msr

* see paragraph 4
Whats wrong with a little lie?? The big thing is going, fibbing to the Mrs is simply avoiding a bollocking at home for volunteering. I don't see an issue with it at all?

Its like telling the wife you've got to go to work early because you're busy when in fact you've got to do all your work before a boozy long lunch...
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top