Alcoholism is no laughing matter. Well, that's not strictly true as I've put plenty of them into the back of vans over the years and many of them seemed fairly happy. I once nicked a Polish opera singer for being drunk and he was more fun than a box of frogs. Or look at Oliver Reed, permanently pished and utterly hilarious. Anyway, watching poor old Charlie Kennedy paying the ultimate price for leading A Very Boring Political Party (although his politics make me wretch I'd happily share a bottle with the man, he looks amiable enough) made me think about my own alcohol consumption. Over the Xmas period, whilst on a rather extended period of leave, I think it's fair to say that me and the bloke who works in the local offie have become bezzers off the back of my frequent visits, and I'm often too pished to even think about driving to France to do a booze run for a fraction of the cost. Now I'm not sure if this is because I am a lush or if it's because the devil is finding work for idle hands to do. When I'm at work I'm far less inclined to "get on it." My mate who is a doctor who has worked on rehab projects assures me that I'm not an alcoholic. He asked me if I ever fancied a bevvie for breakfast or had the shakes. My answer was no on both counts, so he said "you're fine, Veg, mine's a pint of Adnams" as it was 11:15 in the morning and we were sat in a nice cosy boozer in SW London. Most doctors I know are boozers and smokers of the highest order, this is reassuring to know. I felt like I was on holiday. But in January. So, am I a drunk? Are you? Or is it only on leave when you can get away with it?