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Alzheimers; a right bastard

4(T)

LE
Probably one of my last posts on this thread.

Mums now nil by mouth, and the clock is ticking down. She’s on morphine to keep her comfortable, and I’ve got a swizzle stick thingy to keep her lips moist.
Dad was discharged from hospital this morning and bought straight to the home so that he could see her. He’s gone home, and knows I will call him if needs be. He’s shattered, in all senses of the word. My wife’s looking after him.

Mums comfortable and peaceful, and I want her to stay that way.

Will probably be posting crap on other threads all night, or asking for good threads to read up on.

Anyway, thanks to all those who’ve posted support and advice, and read my rants, it may seem strange to post this, but it has at times been therapeutic typing into the void.


Chin up; you've done all that can be expected of a son.
 
Probably one of my last posts on this thread.

Mums now nil by mouth, and the clock is ticking down. She’s on morphine to keep her comfortable, and I’ve got a swizzle stick thingy to keep her lips moist.
Dad was discharged from hospital this morning and bought straight to the home so that he could see her. He’s gone home, and knows I will call him if needs be. He’s shattered, in all senses of the word. My wife’s looking after him.

Mums comfortable and peaceful, and I want her to stay that way.

Will probably be posting crap on other threads all night, or asking for good threads to read up on.

Anyway, thanks to all those who’ve posted support and advice, and read my rants, it may seem strange to post this, but it has at times been therapeutic typing into the void.

My deepest and most sincere condolences on the situation you and yours are in. I hope that, when the time arrives, it will be swift and without pain or fear for your mum. I can only offer the advice that getting as many affairs in order now will make things a little less of a chore when the time comes. Get all your ducks in a row and then leave yourself a chance to grieve, both alone and as a family.

All the best buddy.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
My deepest and most sincere condolences on the situation you and yours are in. I hope that, when the time arrives, it will be swift and without pain or fear for your mum. I can only offer the advice that getting as many affairs in order now will make things a little less of a chore when the time comes. Get all your ducks in a row and then leave yourself a chance to grieve, both alone and as a family.

All the best buddy.
What he said. More eloquently than I could. May your God be with you all...
 
I do not know what part of the country you are in.
But if you are within a four hour drive and there is anything that i can do, even if its to bring a packet of biscuits, give me a shout.
 

Schmoe

War Hero
Mum passed over at 23.26 last night.

If I hadn’t been there, I would not have believed how peaceful it was. I was able to tell my dad that she didn’t suffer, and that the last few hours with her had been serene and to be honest beautiful.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
Mum passed over at 23.26 last night.

If I hadn’t been there, I would not have believed how peaceful it was. I was able to tell my dad that she didn’t suffer, and that the last few hours with her had been serene and to be honest beautiful.
Sorry for your loss.

Glad for you both that it was peaceful. Hopefully Dad will understand how you and your wife did your best.

You did a good job for her. A son to be proud of. I only hope mine does so well when the time comes.
 
My deepest sympathies. we lost mum earlier this year.
Remember the good times.
 

GDog

Old-Salt
My dad has today been moved into a Macmillan unit in hospital, I suspect things aren't going very well with his cancer.

After going through a crazy week of my sister trying to run his business and clearing bank security while my dad was ruined on morphine, I have learned the value of having a finance LPoA in place.

As a result I've learned there's a similar (and £82 cost) document for health.

Given that people can write living wills and doctors are supposed to make the best decisions for your health - in conjunction with next of kin if necessary - as a bare minimum, can anyone tell me what the purpose/advantage is of having a *health* LPoA?

The advantages of the finance version are now clear cut. I'm not sure what the health LPoA grants that cannot be done by a patient writing a living will or similar document.
 

Schmoe

War Hero
My dad has today been moved into a Macmillan unit in hospital, I suspect things aren't going very well with his cancer.

After going through a crazy week of my sister trying to run his business and clearing bank security while my dad was ruined on morphine, I have learned the value of having a finance LPoA in place.

As a result I've learned there's a similar (and £82 cost) document for health.

Given that people can write living wills and doctors are supposed to make the best decisions for your health - in conjunction with next of kin if necessary - as a bare minimum, can anyone tell me what the purpose/advantage is of having a *health* LPoA?

The advantages of the finance version are now clear cut. I'm not sure what the health LPoA grants that cannot be done by a patient writing a living will or similar document.
The health LPA allows you to intercede on behalf of whoever it covers.
It meant that when my mum needed treatment to be comfortable, we could ask on her behalf, and check that it was done.

You can get medical records moved to where they need to be, change GP practice if they are moved to far to be practical, so on and so on. We found it more important than the financial one.
Good luck with Dad.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
We were given the example of a lady who had requested 'no medication' and died a slow, painful death because no pain relief could be given. A health poa could have changed that.

Also, where choices are to be made our health poas can discuss those and choose for us if we are incapable of understanding/choosing.

Worth the money for peace of mind, especially as it triggers those awkward conversations with offspring about what you do or don't want, so they know in advance of your becoming ill.

All irrelevant if you just die suddenly, but most people don't.
 

DAS

War Hero
My dad has today been moved into a Macmillan unit in hospital, I suspect things aren't going very well with his cancer.

After going through a crazy week of my sister trying to run his business and clearing bank security while my dad was ruined on morphine, I have learned the value of having a finance LPoA in place.

As a result I've learned there's a similar (and £82 cost) document for health.

Given that people can write living wills and doctors are supposed to make the best decisions for your health - in conjunction with next of kin if necessary - as a bare minimum, can anyone tell me what the purpose/advantage is of having a *health* LPoA?

The advantages of the finance version are now clear cut. I'm not sure what the health LPoA grants that cannot be done by a patient writing a living will or similar document.
Living wills & next of kin "status" are legally worthless really, whereas a Health POA has full legal recognition. We have both health & financial POA for my father. If anyone is heading down the road of a parent etc being diagnosed with dementia/ Alzheimers get them in place asap. Once the patient is classed as incapable it's too late. It can be a difficult conversation for sure and some patients will not admit to a problem and for a while, I thought that's how my Father was going (donkeys are easier to deal with) but thankfully there was a short period of acknowledgement that he had a problem. Long enough to get him to agree to POAs & get him in a good care home near my brother.
 

4(T)

LE
can anyone tell me what the purpose/advantage is of having a *health* LPoA?


Insurance against NHS ineptitude, for one.

Regretfully, my solicitor, during preparation of financial LPoA and Will for my father, was of the opinion that health LPoA wasn't really necessary "because it was only typically used for end-of-life decisions" ("pull the plug out" etc).

I've been caring for my father since I rescued him four years ago. Thus I've been wheeling him in and out of GP and hospital appointments since then, and have been contact for all matters. This was done on the basis of the NHS' own "patient's authority" form, which my father had signed - giving me access to all his medical matters.

About ten months ago, the NHS managed to lose or delete this authorisation. Suddenly it was all "we can only discuss this with your father", etc. "Fine", I'd go, "I'll leave the room and you can talk to him. Good luck...". Now we're in a bodge state where the NHS is forced to turn a blind eye to data protection and patient confidentiality, etc. Luckily/unluckily, they'll do anything to avoid taking care responsibility for an oldie with dementia....

(This is on top of the usual dysfunctional, uncoordinated inter/intra department stuff you seem to get in certain parts of the NHS, such as filling in forms with the patient's data three times in one hospital visit).


A second issue is where the oldie is in and out of treatment, and also in and out of "competence". You get the situation where NoK or relative is making decisions one minute for the incapable oldie, but then they recover a bit and start countermanding care instructions. The NHS and adult social services deem someone to be legally "capable" or "incapable", and switching back and forth with the medical condition of the oldie can be chaotic. A medical LPoA - unless constrained by specific conditions - helps cut through this by providing continuity of authority.
 

Schmoe

War Hero
Back here again, can anyone give a recommendation for a solicitor in the Surrey area. I need to sort my Mums affairs, and I need to also sort out business for my Dad.

This is mainly about inheritance issues of a business that they had between them, and that I have been managing for them for the last 10!years or so.

It’s a family business, which I have been involved in since I could crawl.

Dad has lost all interest now, and just wants me to deal with everything, so I guess I had better do as he asks.
Any recommendations gratefully received.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Back here again, can anyone give a recommendation for a solicitor in the Surrey area. I need to sort my Mums affairs, and I need to also sort out business for my Dad.

This is mainly about inheritance issues of a business that they had between them, and that I have been managing for them for the last 10!years or so.

It’s a family business, which I have been involved in since I could crawl.

Dad has lost all interest now, and just wants me to deal with everything, so I guess I had better do as he asks.
Any recommendations gratefully received.
PM sent.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
Yesterday's evening sky.
20201021_154534_resized.jpg
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
Have you forgot that you posted that in the self taken thread
I wondered where it had gone! D'oh!

Put me down for the Care Home at once.
 

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