Alzheimers; a right bastard

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
As my ex said last year - being orphaned at 63 leaves me at the top of the tree, with furthest to fall.
In my case, there is no tree, there is just me.

Apart from my Aunt, who cheerfully stated, a few years back "I feel sorry for you". *Oh yes?" said I. "Yes, she said, "when you've done with looking after your mother you'll have me to look after".

She's been milking it for all its worth the last week, having finally decided to go to hospital with heart problems after dicking around with paramedics and doctors, then deciding she was going home again. In a vehicle of her choice, at a time that suited her. With a porter.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
In my case, there is no tree, there is just me.

Apart from my Aunt, who cheerfully stated, a few years back "I feel sorry for you". *Oh yes?" said I. "Yes, she said, "when you've done with looking after your mother you'll have me to look after".

She's been milking it for all its worth the last week, having finally decided to go to hospital with heart problems after dicking around with paramedics and doctors, then deciding she was going home again. In a vehicle of her choice, at a time that suited her. With a porter.
No point getting old if you can't be cantankerous.
 

Poppy

LE
It's like being given a promotion you didn't want, to a job you don't know how to do.
oh yes I SO agree with that - it's a brilliant way of putting it
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
@Schmoe saw you post although you have deleted it. Sending hugs, but more practically, can you get help? Social services can be of use, depending who you get, and can you bear to kick your siblings in some way that will result in them sharing your load?

Hang in there!
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Slightly off topic but I'm struggling at the moment with the idea of - sooner rather than later - having no family left alive.

Is that silly?
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
Slightly off topic but I'm struggling at the moment with the idea of - sooner rather than later - having no family left alive.

Is that silly?
Friends are the family you would choose for yourself. Cultivate many and you will be fine.


Not silly, either.
 

Poppy

LE
Slightly off topic but I'm struggling at the moment with the idea of - sooner rather than later - having no family left alive.

Is that silly?
I know what you mean - I think we're socially programmed to think of family as something special but as already said you choose friends - not family. Since my big brother dies I've faced up to the fact I'll probably be only one left at some point as parents in 80s and younger brother type 1 diabetic - he does manage the condition well but is stressy so fingers crossed he does manage a ripe old age
 
Slightly off topic but I'm struggling at the moment with the idea of - sooner rather than later - having no family left alive.

Is that silly?
No, its not silly. This last year has had a profound effect on me, and not in a good way. I realise that I am a bit FUBAR as a result and in the New Year I will get some mental health help.
If you are struggling reach out to someone, whether a therapist or a mate, please remember that your mates will want to help you, as you would them. As GR says above, your mates are the family you choose.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
No, its not silly. This last year has had a profound effect on me, and not in a good way. I realise that I am a bit FUBAR as a result and in the New Year I will get some mental health help.
If you are struggling reach out to someone, whether a therapist or a mate, please remember that your mates will want to help you, as you would them. As GR says above, your mates are the family you choose.
Thanks. I'm still trying to sort out medication issues which are making me feel quite ill. I'm hoping my doctor can help me wade through it soon. As for "therapists", the idea terrifies me!

Hope you get the help you need.
 
Thanks. I'm still trying to sort out medication issues which are making me feel quite ill. I'm hoping my doctor can help me wade through it soon. As for "therapists", the idea terrifies me!

Hope you get the help you need.
I got referred to TILs which is part of the NHS only for the Armed Forces or Veterans and through them got referred to WWTW.
I've recently had some help from Walking with the Wounded, had a dozen sessions with a ferepissed. He really helped me see what my problem was, so much so that I finally got some Antidepressants to help me along.
Sometime in the next couple of months, I'll be attending the Warrior Programme. The aim of this is give me the tools to manage my problem.
Help is available it's just finding were to go.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
The family thing is not so much to do with having people "close". I don't even have friends in my locality any more. It's more the fact that there's nobody around to remember my parents and grandparents. That history will die with me, and nobody to share it with.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
The family thing is not so much to do with having people "close". I don't even have friends in my locality any more. It's more the fact that there's nobody around to remember my parents and grandparents. That history will die with me, and nobody to share it with.
Get yourself onto Ancestry. New relatives pop out of the woodwork, especially if you have a naughty Uncle, like I do. Found an unexpected cousin!!!
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Get yourself onto Ancestry. New relatives pop out of the woodwork, especially if you have a naughty Uncle, like I do. Found an unexpected cousin!!!
Oh yes I've done the ancestry thing and got as far as I could go without it getting ridiculously complicated.

I traced most of my second cousins and have been in touch, but again they are dotted around the country and apart from shared great grandparents we probably don't have much in common.
 
I've found three cousins and an aunt recently, all still alive.

One of the new family has traced us back to Edward IV.

Get it all noted down before it's too late. Scan photos, write down rumours. Store it in a cloud somewhere

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk
 

4(T)

LE
I've found three cousins and an aunt recently, all still alive.

One of the new family has traced us back to Edward IV.

Get it all noted down before it's too late. Scan photos, write down rumours. Store it in a cloud somewhere

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

Sad how quickly the information gets lost.

My old man used to repeat endless stories about this or that relation. About 15 years ago I sat him down with a flipchart pad and asked just to simply sketch out the family tree as he recalled it.

He couldn't/wouldn't do it, which was disappointing at the time. I now realise with hindsight that he was probably even then in early stages of Alzheimers, and that this was inhibiting his ability to process and present information (these days he can't even draw a clock face).

The result is that we have lost every single lead we had about his side of the family. He even has siblings whom neither we nor him have heard of for 50+ years. The tales about great uncle so-and-so trading across the South China Sea have now just become fairly tales - there is literally no way to retrieve the facts now.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
Sad how quickly the information gets lost.

My old man used to repeat endless stories about this or that relation. About 15 years ago I sat him down with a flipchart pad and asked just to simply sketch out the family tree as he recalled it.

He couldn't/wouldn't do it, which was disappointing at the time. I now realise with hindsight that he was probably even then in early stages of Alzheimers, and that this was inhibiting his ability to process and present information (these days he can't even draw a clock face).

The result is that we have lost every single lead we had about his side of the family. He even has siblings whom neither we nor him have heard of for 50+ years. The tales about great uncle so-and-so trading across the South China Sea have now just become fairly tales - there is literally no way to retrieve the facts now.
Ancestry is a great help in proving those tales or contradicting them, and finding new ones. You don't know until you try it, as I found. Many family stories disproved as true facts found. Plus new cousin, plus Irish great great Grandfather wounded at Alma.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Ancestry is a great help in proving those tales or contradicting them, and finding new ones. You don't know until you try it, as I found. Many family stories disproved as true facts found. Plus new cousin, plus Irish great great Grandfather wounded at Alma.
Although not every bit of information dug up by Ancestry is 100% correct. My great aunt's maiden name was consistently mis-spelled due to being incorrectly copied from the curly handwriting on her marriage certificate - I got a bit fed up of correcting "Huseby" to "Huxley". FFS, is Huseby even a name?!

Also never got to the bottom of how my grandmother managed to be born in 1898 when her father had (allegedly) died in 1896 ...
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
Although not every bit of information dug up by Ancestry is 100% correct. My great aunt's maiden name was consistently mis-spelled due to being incorrectly copied from the curly handwriting on her marriage certificate - I got a bit fed up of correcting "Huseby" to "Huxley". FFS, is Huseby even a name?!

Also never got to the bottom of how my grandmother managed to be born in 1898 when her father had (allegedly) died in 1896 ...
Oh yes, my maiden name, which you know, has some interesting spelling variations even without curly handwriting. OK for the branch that stayed in one village for hundreds of years, but those that moved around are tricky. Mother, being a Long, has easy ancestry!!!!
 
Hi everyone, time for the latest update on Mrs Dave....

It's over 5 months since I posted on here, shortly after her visit to the local psychiatric/psychologist hospital where they queried their initial diagnosis of NPH.

In December I had cause to contact the local neurology centre as Jenn was acting more strangely than usual. This was after confirming with her sister that she WAS acting strange and it just wasn't my observation.

She went off quite happily with sister and one of our sons (I stayed away) and after the usual tests (memory, walking and various questions) the results came back that there was no need to panic, everything was normal and there was no degradation in her general demeanour(!!) A letter to that effect was sent to her doctor to make it even more official. After that visit our son, Neil, took it on himself to jildy her up as he thought that her sister and I were "too caring" and not helping her, consequently she now is rushed in her walking and the distance walked has increased. This has now resulted in her coming home extremely tired and her being more confused. As Neil goes home after these forays out he doesn't see the consequences of his actions and when challenged says "well, the centre said she needs more exercise and that's what she's getting"...

So why then is she losing the plot? The shunt that was installed to drain cerebro-spinal fluid from her brain has not been touched, consequently the amount of CSF is the same as previous, but her reasoning skills (or lack of) and slowing down of thought processing is now very obvious - but only to us apparently, not the authorities/people in the medical profession.

After observation over a period of time we've noticed that her thought processes are sequential, that is, she cannot do two things at once and if you interrupt her whilst she's thinking/doing she stops, just like as though someone has pressed a button and the pause can be quite lengthy whelst she collects her thoughts. Even Neil said the other day (as though it was funny) that she can only do one thing at a time mentioning that "she laughed and stopped walking - she can't do both at once".

We've had a white board some time now to assist her in laying out the next days objectives but even that can go tits up. Two nights ago she had 6 diaries out, trying to cross-refer 2018/2019 and 2020 A4 diaries and associated pocket diaries but couldn't synchronise them and was getting more and more frustrated - even though her sister and I have a weekly meeting with Jenn to synchronise diaries.

Out of nowhere yesterday she decided she needed a birthday card posting (I've not been well over the last few days and had not been out at all for over a week and was reluctant to go out) 20 minutes before collection at the local post box. Obviously, it would take me a while to haul my carcass into the car, etc but she was quite adamant that she would drive to the post box to post the card if I couldn't/wouldn't - her licence was revoked 2 years ago. If you point out these things she flies off the handle and becomes a SuperBitch.

Little by little, day by day, minute by minute the subtle changes are becoming more apparent to her sister and I - how much longer this is going to carry on is anyones guess, but it's not easy and it's not nice living with.

Ho hum. Sorry it's so long.
 
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