Alzheimers; a right bastard

Schmoe

War Hero
Also remember that if your father did military service, as many of his age did, SSAFA and RBL can help, with visitors, advice and funding. Particularly for stairlifts, scooters, etc, where so many ripoff merchants operate.
He did his National Service in Egypt.

Does that qualify? Just want to be sure, because that is another avenue to pursue.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
He did his National Service in Egypt.

Does that qualify? Just want to be sure, because that is another avenue to pursue.
Absolutely. SSAFA promise One day's service, a lifetime of support.

I had a client when I was a caseworker, who was a Palestine veteran, another the widow of a hostilities-only veteran - she was getting a small allowance from his Regiment to help with bills.
 

Schmoe

War Hero
Absolutely. SSAFA promise One day's service, a lifetime of support.

I had a client when I was a caseworker, who was a Palestine veteran, another the widow of a hostilities-only veteran - she was getting a small allowance from his Regiment to help with bills.
Thanks for that, will start looking into that for them both.

Has actually made me feel a little happier.
 

Schmoe

War Hero
******* brilliant! He’s been back 3 hours and he’s already arguing about politics!

My mums settled down really well, she doesn’t even know he been away.

He’s accepted that he needs to slow down and accept help, mainly due to trying to stride out of hospital, and feeling shit within 20 steps.

Going to be fun riding herd on him, will update as we go, but happy to have the argumentative git back.

He’s also accepted that we need to talk about my mum, something that he has avoided up until now.

Back to the armchair for the night.
 

ancient

War Hero
Thanks for that, will start looking into that for them both.

Has actually made me feel a little happier.
Try his Regimental association if one exists. I did a stint with 1 Rifles welfare unit. We had so much cash that we were actively looking for old riflemen to help out.
 

Poppy

LE
******* brilliant! He’s been back 3 hours and he’s already arguing about politics!

My mums settled down really well, she doesn’t even know he been away.

He’s accepted that he needs to slow down and accept help, mainly due to trying to stride out of hospital, and feeling shit within 20 steps.

Going to be fun riding herd on him, will update as we go, but happy to have the argumentative git back.

He’s also accepted that we need to talk about my mum, something that he has avoided up until now.

Back to the armchair for the night.
that's a MASSIVE step forward compared to my parents! my dad did national service.I think in Egypt going by the photos he's shown me
 

wheel

LE
******* brilliant! He’s been back 3 hours and he’s already arguing about politics!

My mums settled down really well, she doesn’t even know he been away.

He’s accepted that he needs to slow down and accept help, mainly due to trying to stride out of hospital, and feeling shit within 20 steps.

Going to be fun riding herd on him, will update as we go, but happy to have the argumentative git back.

He’s also accepted that we need to talk about my mum, something that he has avoided up until now.

Back to the armchair for the night.
Get as much help as you can mate, you will need it. Make sure you get power of attorney quickly. If possible get your father to give you access to his bank accounts , joint signatures. It all helps.
Most importantly look after yourself they will need you fit and able.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
^Wot he said.

Oh, and @Schmoe why are you in the armchair overnight?!

This is not good for you - can't you at least get a z-bed/camp bed or something in the next room?

Don't worry about falling asleep. You'll soon be up at the slightest sound! (Hopefully that will improve as you get more confident about their safety).

(Just my tuppence - sorry if I've misunderstood something - very best to you all).
 

Schmoe

War Hero
Today’s been tough again.

Understandably my dads sleeping a lot, mum has completely spaced out.
Insistent that she lives somewhere else. It’s been very tiring dealing with her.

The problem is she has dementia, but she’s not stupid, so lying to her is out of the question.
Have played along with her, have been economical with the truth, but sadly my dad woke up and drove a coach and horses through everything.

She kicked off, he kicked off, managed to calm it down.

Am not proud of this next bit, but have them both a large brandy.

Both of them had a power nap (as the wife and I call them).

Woke up in a much better frame of mind.

Have my dad booked in with the GP on Wednesday, will be in there with him.

I have to be honest, on a roller coaster at the moment. Happy that they are both together and mainly happy, feeling a bit worried that this is the next whatever number of years of chaos.

I seem to have turned into my parents parents.

Oh, St Bob, I’m sleeping in the armchair because it makes me sleep lightly, as mums a bit of a night bird, and has been known to head for the front door in her knickers!
 

wheel

LE
Today’s been tough again.

Understandably my dads sleeping a lot, mum has completely spaced out.
Insistent that she lives somewhere else. It’s been very tiring dealing with her.

The problem is she has dementia, but she’s not stupid, so lying to her is out of the question.
Have played along with her, have been economical with the truth, but sadly my dad woke up and drove a coach and horses through everything.

She kicked off, he kicked off, managed to calm it down.

Am not proud of this next bit, but have them both a large brandy.

Both of them had a power nap (as the wife and I call them).

Woke up in a much better frame of mind.

Have my dad booked in with the GP on Wednesday, will be in there with him.

I have to be honest, on a roller coaster at the moment. Happy that they are both together and mainly happy, feeling a bit worried that this is the next whatever number of years of chaos.

I seem to have turned into my parents parents.

Oh, St Bob, I’m sleeping in the armchair because it makes me sleep lightly, as mums a bit of a night bird, and has been known to head for the front door in her knickers!
tin cans with some pebbles in and a bit of string, you know the drill ;)
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Today’s been tough again.

Understandably my dads sleeping a lot, mum has completely spaced out.
Insistent that she lives somewhere else. It’s been very tiring dealing with her.

The problem is she has dementia, but she’s not stupid, so lying to her is out of the question.
Have played along with her, have been economical with the truth, but sadly my dad woke up and drove a coach and horses through everything.

She kicked off, he kicked off, managed to calm it down.

Am not proud of this next bit, but have them both a large brandy.

Both of them had a power nap (as the wife and I call them).

Woke up in a much better frame of mind.

Have my dad booked in with the GP on Wednesday, will be in there with him.

I have to be honest, on a roller coaster at the moment. Happy that they are both together and mainly happy, feeling a bit worried that this is the next whatever number of years of chaos.

I seem to have turned into my parents parents.

Oh, St Bob, I’m sleeping in the armchair because it makes me sleep lightly, as mums a bit of a night bird, and has been known to head for the front door in her knickers!
Have you told anyone else what you've told us?

Seriously there are agencies whose job it is to look after people in this situation!

Social services, community matron/District nurse (whatever they're called in your area), call thiehospital your dad was discharged from, they have a duty Of care.
 
Have you told anyone else what you've told us?

Seriously there are agencies whose job it is to look after people in this situation!

Social services, community matron/District nurse (whatever they're called in your area), call the hospital your dad was discharged from, they have a duty Of care.
Indeed. despite having savings etc. After she came out of hospital (fell & broke her hip - replaced), mum had some significant help from social services, including five days a week of dad being picked up & spending from 10am to 4pm at a day care centre.
 

Schmoe

War Hero
Have you told anyone else what you've told us?

Seriously there are agencies whose job it is to look after people in this situation!

Social services, community matron/District nurse (whatever they're called in your area), call thiehospital your dad was discharged from, they have a duty Of care.
I have spoken with their GP, due to confusion about the wheelbarrow of medications that I am shovelling into them both.

Have made her very aware of the situation, and will be having a face to face meeting tomorrow.

Pushing as hard as I can to get my dad to sort LPA, but he’s not being difficult, but vaguely says it’s sorted, and he’s written a letter.

Which to my mind doesn’t give LPA.

Have had some good information given on here, but it’s finding the time and space to action it.

I have been taking some time out by sitting in the conservatory, but after yesterday’s events not comfortable doing that.

I’m not alone, my wife is being fantastic, she’s in it with me.

She’s covering looking after our son and multitude of furry cats and dog.

As an aside, typing on here to a bunch of anonymous people helps, as I sure as shit would not say all this face to face.

And perusing threads like the Gingers and history etc are light relief.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
LPA involves a cost, a document being drawn up, signed by the donor and the Attorneys, and lodged with the Court of Protection. I have just done mine.

I suggest you ask your Dad to show you what he's done, and suggest using it as a basis for an LPA. We were told a story of a lady in Somerset who didn't have a health one and died unpleasantly because she told docs she wanted 'no treatment' with no Attorney to say she would want pain relief and water. Feel free to pass that on.

Likewise my father in law received a Daily Telegraph every day for the 2.5 years mother in law was gaga in a home, because he had no POA for financial matters, so couldn't cancel the Direct Debit. £100 a month he could have done more with.
 

4(T)

LE
I have spoken with their GP, due to confusion about the wheelbarrow of medications that I am shovelling into them both.

Have made her very aware of the situation, and will be having a face to face meeting tomorrow.

Pushing as hard as I can to get my dad to sort LPA, but he’s not being difficult, but vaguely says it’s sorted, and he’s written a letter.

Which to my mind doesn’t give LPA.

Have had some good information given on here, but it’s finding the time and space to action it.

I have been taking some time out by sitting in the conservatory, but after yesterday’s events not comfortable doing that.

I’m not alone, my wife is being fantastic, she’s in it with me.

She’s covering looking after our son and multitude of furry cats and dog.

As an aside, typing on here to a bunch of anonymous people helps, as I sure as shit would not say all this face to face.

And perusing threads like the Gingers and history etc are light relief.

Re: LPA (and Will), you have to be proactive instead of hoping a confused oldie will do something. A local "family law" solicitor will normally do an all-in-one fee that includes a home visit. This saves a lot of logistic effort, and having a professional third party person there will prompt the oldie into getting the LPA/Will done there and then.

The LPA/Will process can be quite reassuring for oldie and carer, because it gives a sense of "putting things in order", often during a period when life seems terribly volatile and complicated.

If you anticipate having any issues with siblings or other relatives squabbling over care/ estate, etc, the a fresh LPA and Will also goes a long way towards nipping trouble in the bud.
 

Schmoe

War Hero
Further update

Have now see the GP with him, medication issues sorted.

GP is going to get the community nurse to make an appearance, nd hopefully get some help in.

Progress on LPA’s is happening, but only after a heated discussion.

Culminating in me telling him that his letter is no better than toilet paper.

He finally, seems to agree that it ha to be registered.

Explained repeatedly, that he has to tell me and mums wishes, it’s not for me to decide.

The form itself is simple, but does ask very relevant questions that they/he needs to answer.

I am very disappointed with the family, as my wife and I have literally been left to sort/care/ do everything.

Not moaning, as they’re my parents to, but absolutely everything has been left to us.

The last 11 days I have been here 24/7, this could be a bit of a line in the sand reference my brothers.

To be fair, the one who has the most chequered history has made for him, a big effort. The other, well, rhymes with hunt.

Found out today, that he has to have another stent, as they’ve told him it’s a one day affair, he’s convinced he’s going to be absolutely fine afterwards. I am not so convinced that he’s going to be gazelling around.

If anyone’s has experience, please let me know.
 

wheel

LE
Further update

Have now see the GP with him, medication issues sorted.

GP is going to get the community nurse to make an appearance, nd hopefully get some help in.

Progress on LPA’s is happening, but only after a heated discussion.

Culminating in me telling him that his letter is no better than toilet paper.

He finally, seems to agree that it ha to be registered.

Explained repeatedly, that he has to tell me and mums wishes, it’s not for me to decide.

The form itself is simple, but does ask very relevant questions that they/he needs to answer.

I am very disappointed with the family, as my wife and I have literally been left to sort/care/ do everything.

Not moaning, as they’re my parents to, but absolutely everything has been left to us.

The last 11 days I have been here 24/7, this could be a bit of a line in the sand reference my brothers.

To be fair, the one who has the most chequered history has made for him, a big effort. The other, well, rhymes with hunt.

Found out today, that he has to have another stent, as they’ve told him it’s a one day affair, he’s convinced he’s going to be absolutely fine afterwards. I am not so convinced that he’s going to be gazelling around.

If anyone’s has experience, please let me know.
Keep your chin up mate and most of all stay calm and logical.
 
Further update

Have now see the GP with him, medication issues sorted.

GP is going to get the community nurse to make an appearance, nd hopefully get some help in.

Progress on LPA’s is happening, but only after a heated discussion.

Culminating in me telling him that his letter is no better than toilet paper.

He finally, seems to agree that it ha to be registered.

Explained repeatedly, that he has to tell me and mums wishes, it’s not for me to decide.

The form itself is simple, but does ask very relevant questions that they/he needs to answer.

I am very disappointed with the family, as my wife and I have literally been left to sort/care/ do everything.

Not moaning, as they’re my parents to, but absolutely everything has been left to us.

The last 11 days I have been here 24/7, this could be a bit of a line in the sand reference my brothers.

To be fair, the one who has the most chequered history has made for him, a big effort. The other, well, rhymes with hunt.

Found out today, that he has to have another stent, as they’ve told him it’s a one day affair, he’s convinced he’s going to be absolutely fine afterwards. I am not so convinced that he’s going to be gazelling around.

If anyone’s has experience, please let me know.
Good to see that PA is getting sorted, that will save a lot of problems later on.

My partner's brother and a couple of friends have had stents done over the past couple of years - one around 4 weeks ago, while they were not running around like a young thing, they are all getting around and mostly back to normal. The newest one is still taking his time with things and doing everything he is told to do.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
Further update

Have now see the GP with him, medication issues sorted.

GP is going to get the community nurse to make an appearance, nd hopefully get some help in.

Progress on LPA’s is happening, but only after a heated discussion.

Culminating in me telling him that his letter is no better than toilet paper.

He finally, seems to agree that it ha to be registered.

Explained repeatedly, that he has to tell me and mums wishes, it’s not for me to decide.

The form itself is simple, but does ask very relevant questions that they/he needs to answer.

I am very disappointed with the family, as my wife and I have literally been left to sort/care/ do everything.

Not moaning, as they’re my parents to, but absolutely everything has been left to us.

The last 11 days I have been here 24/7, this could be a bit of a line in the sand reference my brothers.

To be fair, the one who has the most chequered history has made for him, a big effort. The other, well, rhymes with hunt.

Found out today, that he has to have another stent, as they’ve told him it’s a one day affair, he’s convinced he’s going to be absolutely fine afterwards. I am not so convinced that he’s going to be gazelling around.

If anyone’s has experience, please let me know.
Be prepared for accusations of 'interference' from the brother who rhymes with Hunt. Treat them with the contempt they deserve.
Persevere with doing the right things for the right reasons.
Good news that NHS Local is now involved.
Good luck with Op Stent II.

HANG IN THERE!
 

Schmoe

War Hero
Pretty tired at the moment.
Still at my parents, just over two weeks now.

Going to have to chase up the community nurse, as there’s been no contact so far.

Dads getting better, but can’t be left alone with mum.

Mum is bloody hard work, all sorts of gibberish coming out of her, hallucinations and basically bloody hard to deal with.

Maintaining a happy exterior, but it’s getting more difficult.

Got the LPA’s well underway, but won’t make much difference whilst my dad is adamant that things will stay as they are, which means I’m bloody stuck here, as it’s all downhill if I go.

Moan over.
 
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