Always have an ample supply of tissues

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by PetrovthePrat, Aug 7, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. So it's Friday! The weekend starts here,which means sod all to me,coz I'm either flu ridden or carrying the plague. The amount of snot freely running out of my nose could be used to cement a brick wall,and I'm aching like a geriatric running a triathlon.
    But rather then sit here wallowing in self pity and mucus,I decided to treat my self to a hand shandy. Girlfriend is at work,and even then she's not to keen on my sneezing and drooling my illness on her.
    So having found a suitable website ( I took matters in hand. Not the most satisfying pedal and crank,but with the headache and sneezing and coughing it was a welcome relief. Now,I don't like messing the carpet or gumming up the keyboard,so I use the trusted tissue catch method.
    All well and good,tidied myself up,and sat back. Then I was wracked by a sneezing fit,and having saved the laptop from one body fluid,damned if I was gonna snot it up. So I grabbed a tissue. You can see where this is going? I just smeared snot and seman across my face. Manky. So that'll probably be the highlight of the weekend,damn I hate being ill.
  2. Antihistamine and single malt cocktail required I think
  3. get some wet wipes man
    tissues for snot
    wet wipes for cocksnot"
  4. good call
  5. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer

    You're screwed with this cocktail if your nose is streaming snot because you have developed an intolerance to alcohol though.

    For years I have lived hundreds of miles from home and to watch my football team, I had to travel to London, meet my mukkers and down half a dozen pints with them before the game. At first I thought it God having a go at me for following Sunderland and giving me a cold halfway through every game I went to. Wouldn't surprise. I thought I was getting off lightly for supporting Sunderland.

    Then I decided that I had grown allergic to London, which let's face it, isn't surprising given the filth in the air.

    Then I found it happened on a Sunday following pre-dinner aperitif, wine with the meal and a liqueur to finish.

    My GP was suspicious, because he had noticed just how much industry-strength antihistamine spray I was getting through and wanted to discuss addiction (that's how we found out about the polyps which led to me undergoing treatment for sinal polyposis). It is no longer possible to get Dexarhinaspray any more, prescription or otherwise. The consultant who stripped the lining out of my nose and sinuses confirmed my worst fears.

    So many years in front of me supporting Sunderland and no alcohol to numb the pain. Is it worth it?
  6. Posh cnut.

    Use the curtains like everybody else does. :wink:
  7. i normally use the neighbours beef curtains
    but when she's out and i fancy a really posh one
    i use the girls peppa pig bumwipes
    cracking for cracking one off :twisted:
  8. Sounds very much like swine flu. Or if you have a pigeon chest, it's bird flu. Likely to be fatal, though. :D

  9. Time to throw yourself under a tram, or a trolleybus, or whatever you use for public transport in your neck of the woods. :)
  10. Donkeys.

    Sunderland (allegedly) has enough of them. :wink: