ALTERNATIVE OLYMPIC SPORTS

#1
Can anyone suggest some new Olympic sports which could be introduced in 2012 to show the "British way of life"?

What about Morris Dancing?
Or hopscotch through the legal minefield?
How's about underwater solo synchronised swimming?

Suggestions peeps?
 
#3
Happy with that mag. Any rules? Or just the normal Friday night "kick the sh1t out the next guy"?
 
#4
If it was in Glasgow I would suggest terrorist doctor shoeing - obviously after he has lit the olympic flame.

Otherwise welly throwing, pie eating or benefit fraud (some of the competeing nations will do well)....
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#5
Out-of-town shopping mall orienteering.

Speed ASBO tag removal.

Xtreme Chav breeding.

Tossing the Pikey. er, that might need some work on the title?

White van Grand Prix.

AlcoPop projectile vomiting for under 16's
 
#6
Multi distraction slalom course... using a cell phone, eating, and chastising children in the back seat while navigating a track in a minivan.
 
#8
Rapid bar hopping, or pub crawling as you call it... a timed race to get from one side of town to the other while consuming one beer at each bar/pub/illegal still on the way... points are docked for spewing or spilling.
 
#9
Early Olympics had medals for poetry and painting, so what about a Gold Medal for prose on the theme 'Brief encounters with Kriss Akabussi'.

Only original work, not those already in the pantheon of great literature

And when the swimming pool has finished we can have "chav drowning".
 
#10
Once we get a Working Party set up and funding of some £200K from the National Grottery, we can then submit a business case to Lord Co-ed.

There's some good stuff coming out here guys and gals.

Nobody's mentioned chuck the dwarf yet or has that been banned as well?
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#11
Speed Burglary - Daytime with a special night course too

Combine this with Olympic Burglar Stopping, either bare-fisted or using sports equipment from under a bed.

Speed Street Robbery

Smack Death Race - Big bag of smack, 10 needles, go . . .

Happy-Chav Slapping - Get a chav on the deck in the fastest possible time.

Muslim Vault - lock up as many as you can in 5 minutes.
 
#12
Norfolknchance said:
Once we get a Working Party set up and funding of some £200K from the National Grottery, we can then submit a business case to Lord Co-ed.

There's some good stuff coming out here guys and gals.

Nobody's mentioned chuck the dwarf yet or has that been banned as well?
The sport's not banned ... but the term 'dwarf' is! :twisted:

Unfortunately 'Sling the vertically challenged person of any gender or sexual orientation' may be a tad long for the programme. :lol:
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#13
FrankIG said:
Norfolknchance said:
Once we get a Working Party set up and funding of some £200K from the National Grottery, we can then submit a business case to Lord Co-ed.

There's some good stuff coming out here guys and gals.

Nobody's mentioned chuck the dwarf yet or has that been banned as well?
The sport's not banned ... but the term 'dwarf' is! :twisted:

Unfortunately 'Sling the vertically challenged person of any gender or sexual orientation' may be a tad long for the programme. :lol:
Vertically accelerate the vertically challenged challenge?
 
#14
Vertically accelerate the vertically challenged challenge?
S'got my vote Biped!

Underwater knitting for beginners?
 
#15
FrankIG said:
Norfolknchance said:
Once we get a Working Party set up and funding of some £200K from the National Grottery, we can then submit a business case to Lord Co-ed.

There's some good stuff coming out here guys and gals.

Nobody's mentioned chuck the dwarf yet or has that been banned as well?
The sport's not banned ... but the term 'dwarf' is! :twisted:

Unfortunately 'Sling the vertically challenged person of any gender or sexual orientation' may be a tad long for the programme. :lol:
The proper term is PORG - Persons of Restricted Growth :lol:
 
#16
OK, so it's now Bung a PORG. I'll have to start practicing. Just got to find a dwarf now I suppose!
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#17
Hen Night Endurence Triathlon.

Mid-life crisis on a Fireblade formation splatter pattern.

Goth hurling challenge
 
#18
Badger baiting
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#19
Honey Bear Badger vs Shi'ite. Place bets now.
 
#20
Wot I want to know is -
How do we 'spot' the real athletes from the track-suited herds that smooze around the East End already?

How are those athletes lined up at the start of track races able to tell the 'Starter's' gun from the real background/everyday noise?

Is this the only 'Olympics' where the crowd will fail the drug test?
 

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