All things funny about Hurricanes

Discussion in 'OTC and ACF' started by Sarge, Oct 13, 2005.

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  1. Recieved this in an e-mail thingy thought it was Hi-Larious.

    Enjoy and read on

    Hurricane hits Portsmouth

    A major Cat 3 Hurricane (Shazza) hit in the early hours of Monday.

    Epicentre:  Portsmouth, Hampshire.  Victims were seen wandering around
    aimlessly muttering "faaackin ell" ..

    The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
    damage.  Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and
    Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.  Three areas of historic burnt
    out cars were disturbed.  Many locals were woken well before their giro

    Power FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were
    confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that
    something interesting had happened in Southsea apart from the local punch
    ups at closing time!

    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith - a 15 year old mother of 5 said "It was
    such a shock.  My little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
    crying "What the F*** was that?"  My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and
    Megan-Storm slept through it all.  I was still shaking when I was watching
    Trisha the next morning, and must 'ave smoked 60 Lambert an' Butlers".

    Apparently though, looting. muggings, spraying graffiti and car crime did
    carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000
    crates of Sunny Delight and special fried rice with curry sauce to the area
    to help the stricken locals.

    Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
    quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from
    Elizabeth Duke at Srgos and Bone China from Poundland.


    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
    unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.  Clothing is most
    sought after, items most needed include:

    FILA or Burberry baseball caps
    Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
    Shell suits (female)
    White sports socks
    Rockport boots
    Any garment by Donnay
    Any other items usually sold by Primark

    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
    Required foodstuffs include:

    Microwave meals
    Tins of baked beans
    Ice cream
    Pork scratchings
    Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew

    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

    £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks and slush puppies for a family
    of 9

    £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those

    *** BREAKING NEWS ****

    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret.

    "Where are you bleeding from?" they asked.

    "Paulsgrove" said the girl, "Woss that faaackin got to do wiv you?"

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  2. Oi! I live near Portsmouth and work in Portsmouth!! But it's so true it's scarey!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  3. Sarge, outstanding mail. For said clothing in abundance I have just seen an excellent film, THE FOOTBALL FACTORY!
    Jog on.
    (This film contains strong language)