Recieved this in an e-mail thingy thought it was Hi-Larious. Enjoy and read on Hurricane hits Portsmouth A major Cat 3 Hurricane (Shazza) hit in the early hours of Monday. Epicentre:Â Portsmouth, Hampshire.Â Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "faaackin ell" .. The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately Â£30 worth of damage.Â Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.Â Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.Â Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. Power FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms withÂ the fact that something interesting had happened in Southsea apart from the local punch ups at closing time! One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith - a 15 year old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock.Â My little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying "What the F*** was that?"Â My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.Â I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning, and must 'ave smoked 60 Lambert an' Butlers". Apparently though, looting. muggings, spraying graffiti and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight and special fried rice with curry sauce to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Srgos and Bone China from Poundland. HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.Â Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include: FILA or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sports socks Rockport boots Any garment by Donnay Any other items usually sold by Primark Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals Tins of baked beans Ice cream Pork scratchings Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. Â£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks and slush puppies for a family of 9 Â£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. *** BREAKING NEWS **** Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret. "Where are you bleeding from?" they asked. "Paulsgrove" said the girl, "Woss that faaackin got to do wiv you?"