All things funny about Hurricanes

#1
Recieved this in an e-mail thingy thought it was Hi-Larious.

Enjoy and read on

Hurricane hits Portsmouth

A major Cat 3 Hurricane (Shazza) hit in the early hours of Monday.

Epicentre:  Portsmouth, Hampshire.  Victims were seen wandering around
aimlessly muttering "faaackin ell" ..

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of
damage.  Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and
Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.  Three areas of historic burnt
out cars were disturbed.  Many locals were woken well before their giro
arrived.

Power FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that
something interesting had happened in Southsea apart from the local punch
ups at closing time!

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith - a 15 year old mother of 5 said "It was
such a shock.  My little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
crying "What the F*** was that?"  My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and
Megan-Storm slept through it all.  I was still shaking when I was watching
Trisha the next morning, and must 'ave smoked 60 Lambert an' Butlers".

Apparently though, looting. muggings, spraying graffiti and car crime did
carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000
crates of Sunny Delight and special fried rice with curry sauce to the area
to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from
Elizabeth Duke at Srgos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?


This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.  Clothing is most
sought after, items most needed include:

FILA or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sports socks
Rockport boots
Any garment by Donnay
Any other items usually sold by Primark

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
Ice cream
Pork scratchings
Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks and slush puppies for a family
of 9

£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those
affected.

*** BREAKING NEWS ****

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret.

"Where are you bleeding from?" they asked.

"Paulsgrove" said the girl, "Woss that faaackin got to do wiv you?"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#3
Sarge, outstanding mail. For said clothing in abundance I have just seen an excellent film, THE FOOTBALL FACTORY!
Jog on.
ET
(This film contains strong language)
 

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