Did I miss a bit? Which part is funny? Opening with a knife is SOP if you leave the tin opener at home.
A mate in Moz ended up hacking holes all over the tin with a diving knife while in a pissed up frothing rage because he couldn't find the opener. Sulked like a girl when I opened my tin of pickled fish in the approved manner and dined like a gentleman, sans crunchy sandy bits.
Possibly old and been done before, but............
I was standing next to this bloke in the changing room at the gym yesterday when a mobile phone rings. He was getting dry so he puts it on loudspeaker. I thought straightaway wot a smug bastard!
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the gym?"
WOMAN: "I am at the trinity centre now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It' s only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2018 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000".
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand.
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this fucking phone belongs to?"