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Rock a bye baby in the tree top
when the wind blows the cradle will rock
I was that baby and what bothers me
is why Mum & Dad had put me up a tree.

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
to get the doggy a bone, but when she bent over
up jumped Rover and gave her a bone of his own.

Mary had a little frog she kept it in a bucket
and every time the frog got out
the dog it tried to ... pick it up and put it back.
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From a Lime Juicer mate of mine presently in Oz . . .

So, here's the story. . .

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single £1 Coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the £1 as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco Super Store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...

(You're going to hate me for this ... )

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 AT TESCO!'

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