All I said was.....................

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by The_Flying_Hamster, Mar 29, 2004.

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  1. "That bit of halibut was good enough for Jehovah" and boogger me 5 minutes later there they are, knocking on the blo*dy front door on a Sunday morning, expecting everyone to suddenly see the light, stop farting and get religion.

    Even the kids refuse to answer the door now. I'm thinking of employing a butler or someone just to answer the door every sunday.

    Anyone got any sure fire ways (short of claymore's) of getting rid of em?
  2. Claymores ? Then again a half slaughtered goat might help ? oh and lots of candles
  3. Hang bags of blood on the front door with a sign saying "free transfusions"

  4. there was a funny story in my family of my Auntie in the 60s she was cutting some animal up after slaughtering it ( in those days many people kept animals in the back yards of terraced properties) it was a sunday when the jehovahs witness came round to talk religion and she had to cut the animal up before it was too late, so she went to the door with a knife with blood dripping from it as soon as she saw who it was she shouted "I've no bleeding time!" all the while waving the knife around splashing blood on them , needless to say they they never came back for a very long tme ! ...........
  5. Thought you said it was a funny story??
  6. well its a family legend, at the time it was funny as it was the only thing that got rid of them.
    ah well it probably was out of time being 2000+ not the 60s
  7. Someone once told me that the best way to get rid of them is to invite them in! It takes them completely off guard and they forget what they have to do. This is your chance to bombard them with your beliefs, by the time they leave you could have them smoking cigars drinking vodka and singing black sabbath backwards? :twisted:
  8. Was the someone Jasper Carrott? That's his patented method for dealing with the problem.

    The other approach, apparently, is to stare at them and shout 'Heresy! Heresy! You shall burn in Hell, you blasphemers!' slamming the door shut on them (never mind if they happen to have any parts of their anatomy in the way). This is held to work by one acquaintance, who boasts that he has never been visited by them since.

    A friend from Uni days recounted that his father (a police inspector) threatened to arrest a pair of Witnesses. They left hurriedly, unaware of the fact that the impressive sounding legislation he had threatened to employ didn't actually exist (the other version of this story is that the legislation *did* exist, but had been repealed in about 1830).
  9. Just tell the kiddiefiddling bastards to faak off!,This makes their day as they are being "reviled for jesus's sake"and they will often thank you.
  10. When I was a lad a number of us took a well deserved R&R from holding off 3 Shock Army/5 Guards Tank Army and the rest of the Western Group of Forces.We went to visit Schloss Wewelsburg near Paderborn,the one time residence of the Prince-Bishop of Westphalia until one Heinrich Himmler seized it in 1933 as the spiritual home and cultural centre of The SS(Younger readers may be familiar with this castle as the model for"Castle Wolfenstein" in some vulgar PC game) Very interesting place especially the SS "KULT-RAUM" with the 13 SIG runes on the floor where the SS round table with its 13 thrones once sat.
    In the immediate environs of the Castle(by the main gate/drawbridge) stands a Holocaust Memorial Museum commemorating the small but nasty Concentration Camp"KZ-Niederhagen" that lay next door.I was translating the info boards for the group and explaining to them that the purpose of this camp was"Vernichtung durch Arbeit" (Destruction through work) of Russian POWs.Jewish political prisoners and......JEHOVA'S WITNESSES! Many of our group responded to this with quite inapropriate laughter which drew some anger and disapproval from other visitors.The question was then asked"Why did the Nazis put the J.W.s in the camps" the answer came flying back"Because they kept knocking on the drawbridge!"

    Don't knock a good idea just because the wrong person had it!
  11. Now that's a funny story!! :lol: