DOES ALISTAIR DARLING HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO RUN SEVENTEEN BANKS AT ONCE? CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling was said to be nervous and excited last night after being told he would have to run 17 banks at the same time. Mr Darling, who has no previous experience of running a bank, has opened a new Word file on his computer and has already typed some headings in block capitals. The chancellor said: "Barclays - now that's quite a big one isn't it? Right, so that'll probably need all of Monday. "Nationwide I can do Tuesday mornings. I'll split Wednesday between Lloyds and Abbey. HBOS is fucked so that'll need all day Thursday, and I can do the rest on Friday. Should be finished by half-four." He added: "Worst comes to worst, I can always take RBS home with me and fiddle about with it in the garage." City analyst Julian Cook said: "I believe British banking is about to enter an exciting new era of dreadful speeches, lost CDs and changing its mind every 20 minutes." Meanwhile, as the FTSE 100 continued to fall despite the Â£500bn pound cash injection, stockbrokers finally admitted they have not been completely honest with us. Martin Bishop, a senior trader at Madeley-Finnegan, said: "Yeah, okay, basically what happened was last Christmas we all got shitfaced and ended up throwing Â£800 trillion into a volcano. "It was all Fred Goodwin's idea. He's mental."