Alien abduction - Now I believe!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Tartan_Terrier, Dec 7, 2008.

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  1. I've always been a bit of a sceptic when I hear about people being abducted by aliens. I mean it's not that I didn't believe that there is intelligent life out there somewhere in the Universe, I just couldn't really see why they'd bother coming here and 'probing' random crazies.

    That is, until last night when it happened to me!

    Usually when I read about people who've been abducted it seems to happen out in the sticks somewhere late at night where there are no witnesses, this is not how it happened to me. I was at my work's Christmas do along with a couple of hundred of my colleagues when I was abducted.

    I remember sitting down at the table and having a beer, and then it's all a blank. I only have a vague impression of bright lights, loud noise, and a strange dizzy sensation. I'm sure I was the unwilling participant in some kind of medical research, as I awoke this morning with the distinct impression that all of my internal organs had been removed and then replaced in the wrong order.

    Have any of my fellow ARRSErs had any similar experiences? If so, perhaps you you could tell your story too, and we could start some kind of alien abductee support group.

  2. A guy I know had a similar experience to yours, the only difference is that he reported injuries consistent with anal probing. And he woke up on Canal street.
  3. Poor chap! Luckily I managed to avoid the probing, as well as any attempts for them to breed with me, but I've heard about it on many occasions.

    I'm sure there must be a few ARRSErs out there who've woken up in the morning to find that they've been the victim of an alien/human mating experiment.
  4. TT, were any of the "bright lights" flashing blue ones? Were the "loud noises" actually shouts of 'get in the van now, you nonce!' and was the "dizzy sensation" you report caused by a spray of a pepper-related substance?

    If so, we may have solved the mystery.

    I want to believe.....
  5. No I don't think so, though I must admit that my eyes were a touch painful this morning (especially if I opened them).
  6. I had the unfortunate experince of being abducted by aliens one night. they dropped me off at an all night laundrette.
    When I recovered at approx 8.00am they had fortunately left me details of world events by leaving me with The Sunday Sport and The News Of The World. Unfortunately they did not leave my borrowed shoes behind.
    I had to walk for ages in my socking feet before I found a phonebox and was able to phone a taxi.
    I was not subject to any anal probing :cry: :cry: :cry:

  7. I have been a victim of this on several occasions, even witnessed by some of my oppo's.

    I to have had one or two beers and then spining lights, then the transportation phase where all of a sudden you get from one place to another without recall of mode of transport, then you smell a pi$$y, tabacco, tesco blue strip washing powder smell, then the alien blob is doing strange things with your knob.

    about 5 in the morning you find yourself wandering the streets mumbling and incoherant smelling like a fishmongers appron.

    why do the aliens drop you in dodgy council estates? beats me!!

    Also Its/her arrse was too fat and smelly for anal probing!
  8. If you are referring to Canal St in Manchester then he has probably been anally interfered with by giant green Ferrets from the planet Chutneyus. The only cure is to cauterize his arse using red hot pokers, which will lead almost invariably to his death, but hey, it will save the planet!

    If anyone else is planning a late night wander to visit the Scabby needle scarred nuns of the horizontal mancunian order of St Minshull St, they should avoid the Canal banks at all costs and on no account are they to eat or converse with the goldfish!
  9. I too have experianced the horror of abduction and experimentation. I was having a few drinks and the next thing I know I'm lying outside my house covered is a strange kind of slime with a horrible smell. I believe they must have done something with my eyes because it felt like someone was scrubbing them with a brillo pad. I'll never know how they even found my address!
  10. Does anal probing cause your poo to become liquid mud and rather foul smelling?

    If so I believe I may have not only been abducted by aliens but also anally probed on more than one occasion.

    Embarrassed of Kentistan :oops:
  11. I know two blokes who were held for the full 24 hours - one woke up in the huge bins on wheels around the back of a hospital, the evil b*stards dumped the other bloke next to a railway line in North Lanarkshire.

    Last thing they remember is being at a social function having a quiet drink, nipped outside then (presumably) seized by the Klingons.
  12. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    They are devious them aliens. They have the power to make the whole planet tilt suddenly and nobody else notices except you, their victim.

    And another thing - if they are mind bending aliens, how come they lift around 100 earth pounds out of my wallet and leave half a cold kebab on the kitchen floor every time they abduct me?
  13. It seems that aliens of the Orient are a kinder and more forgiving species.
    I went out on Saturday night with the bird and we were rowing...1 alien intervention later and I woke up on Sunday morning with a new issue honey. I am still fairly unclear as to how it happened but I have vague recollections of the (now)ex being spirted away in a flying saucer....or it might have been a taxi
  14. This also happened to me on Saturday evening, on a military base no less! Was attending the Mess Christmas Ball, I can remember upto going into the dining hall to have dinner, and after that it's all a bit of a blur. I woke up in an arm chair that had had it's cushions removed, and I had a huge headache. When I visited the toilet, my bowels seemed to be working so anal probing probably didn't occur, but my turds were a darker brown than 90% chocolate. Worrying, to say the least!
  15. I am actually an alien, abducted by strange foreign people and forced to live in their land while they experiment on me by plying me with all kinds of strange concoctions and well-tidy birds. It's killing me, I swear. I pine for home and proper anal probing.