ALERT IN FRANCE

#1
AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate."

The raise was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military
 
#3
These disparaging remarks reference our Gallic neighbours are actually quite unfair :cry: Rommel himself (no slouch on the generalling front) admitted that it was the actions of the French Army which stopped him cutting off the BEF in 1940, enabling the Dunkirk evacuation.

Apparently they were surrendering in such vast numbers the Germans couldn't process them quickly enough :twisted:
 
#4
Did you know? that Winston Churchill's famous speech:

We shall go on to the end;

We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans;

We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air;

We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be;

We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds;

We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets;

We shall fight in the hills;

We shall never surrender...


utilized words that originated in English language with the exception of one....the word 'surrender' originated in the French language.
 
#5
Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America?

A. They had no use for her anyway

B. They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France for God's sake.

C. She wouldn't put out

D. To be a constant reminder of the help they gave to defeat the British. As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory.

E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the balls to do what is right.

F. All of the above


naturally the answer to the french question would be 'F'


8)
 
#6
Thanks, Gunny, I needed a good laugh. Now, however, I need a new monitor as I spewed my ale through my nose all over this one.
 
#7
Seems strange to me that France recently rejoined NATO and then suddenly put their alert state on terrorism up 8O

It would be interesting to see if any suspected members of Terrorist organisations living in France will be arrested :?:
 
#8
I think that I am right in saying that France never actually left NATO. They wanted their own control over their nukes.
 
#9
The French are a much maigned and insulted people. They do not deserve their reputation as rude, arrogant, narrow minded, self absorbed, smelly or lazy. I will blockade the ports and dump dead cows in the street of anyone who does so.

Just look at their superb education system and world view.

By the age of FIVE every French child must be able to say in flawless French, German and English

"The ones you are looking for are hiding under the stairs officer"

How many English kids could do the same.

Bon Chance.
 
#10
This is just too good a thread to keep out of sight!

We all know why the roads in France are lined with trees? Because the Germans like to march in the shade!

Nice one M. Chirac for being rude to George Dubberyer - talk about being ungrateful! He's clearly forgotten DDay and the Liberation, or secretly did the Frogs want to stay firmly under the heel of the German Jackboot? Methinks that this is the case - look only as far as what's happening in Brussels. Vichy France and the Hun are slowly getting back all that Uncle Adolf lost 60 years ago.
 
#11
Lyndon Johnson's reply to De Gaulle when told he wanted all American soldiers off French soil....... "Including the dead ones?"
 
#12
Actually the French have left NATO, they only have observer status (something they seem to be quite good at).

this of course, make Chirac's rumblings about replacing NATO with EUFOR. As usually the British press has missed this whole point!
 
#14
The Frogs were originally in NATO, (or OTAN if you're a Cheese-eating surrender-monkey).

De Gaulle, and at this stage remember that NATO HQ was in France at Fontainblue outside Paris, decided that due presumably to the outstanding bravery shown by himself (ran away to England) and by the French army (just ran away), deserved to be more important than everyone else, especially the Mercans and the Brits, and that he should be in charge.

Not surprisingly he was told to shut the f*ck up, so he banished NATO from French soil, so recently fertilised by the blood of those whom he now chose to spite.

The result was a 'temporary' HQ in Belgium, at SHAPE near Mons, or Bergen if you're unfortunate enough to be Flemmish. SHAPE is still there.

Having had his bluff called, Big Nose De Gaulle then tried to jump on board again and we ended up with a thing called 'Live Oak' which basically was the French mission blistered on the side of SHAPE.

We had to be a bit wary as the cowardly nation of waiters and vendors of the aptly named Vichy water were on the top table at the UN and were a nuclear power.

One of the down sides to this move was a collapse in the quality of rations whilst out 'sur le ming' - Mons is not a fair swap for gay Paree. And all NATO officers were condemned to a perpetual diet of moules et frites and got bigger and fatter, but the beer was better........
 
#15
Cheers for that Queenie! beat me to it and in a much more concised manner (you must be staff trained - poor boy!)
 
#16
Bit of a cut and paste job but it appears the spams don't think much of Le Frog either.

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." —Jay Leno

"Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." —Jay Leno

"Broadway producers are saying that because of the war, musicals are suffering from weak ticket sales. Not only that, over at 'Les Miserables,' the French are refusing to take part in the revolution." —Conan O'Brien

"There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon." —Jay Leno

"A lot of Americans right now are angry at the French. In Washington, the cafeteria where the members of Congress eat announced that they have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' Nothing like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed to 'commie sauce.'" —Conan O'Brien

"In protest of France's opposition to a U.S. war on Iraq, the U.S. Congress' cafeteria has changed french fries and french toast to 'freedom fries' and 'freedom toast.' Afterwards, the congressmen were so pleased with themselves, they all started freedom kissing each other. In a related story, in France, American cheese is now referred to as 'idiot cheese.'" —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go in reverse. Tanks that only go in reverse — they've been repackaged and sold to France." —Craig Kilborn

"I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac." —Dennis Miller (Click for more of Dennis Miller's rant)

"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." —Dennis Miller

"As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi situation. With all due respect I think President Bush is handling this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." —Jay Leno

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." —Conan O'Brien

"Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?" —Jay Leno

"President Bush and National Security Guard Tom Ridge launched the new Department of Homeland Security, just 24 hours after taking us down to threat level French — I'm sorry, I mean threat level yellow." —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' Wow, this guy can't stop slamming the French." —Craig Kilborn

"According to the Pentagon today, secret surrender negotiations are now underway with key Iraqi military officials. That's what the Pentagon said: We're in secret negotiations, so for God sakes, don't tell anyone. ... What we're doing basically is giving these key Iraqi military officials instructions on how to surrender. See, this is where we could have used the French." —Jay Leno

"President Bush has delivered a new resolution to the U.N. saying that Saddam has failed to cooperate with U.N. resolutions, freeing us to get our war on. Don't mess with us France, or we'll send Jerry Lewis to Iraq as a human shield." —Craig Kilborn

"After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be dead. Hey, France, thanks a lot. We'll take it from here. Hard to believe they were invaded twice." —Jay Leno

"American tourists in Paris are reported to being yelled at, spit upon, and attacked by the French. Thank God things are getting back to normal." —Jay Leno

"French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly." —Jay Leno

"Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. Figures — just like the French to show up after the hard work has been done." —Jay Leno
 
#17
A bit off thread - but hey!

Good for the French Trade Unions - lets hope they help the Frog bid for the Olympics crash and burn!!
 
#18
Good for the French Trade Unions - lets hope they help the Frog bid for the Olympics crash and burn!!
How about we just burn the french!
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#19
Plastic Yank said:
Actually the French have left NATO, they only have observer status (something they seem to be quite good at).

this of course, make Chirac's rumblings about replacing NATO with EUFOR. As usually the British press has missed this whole point!
hee haw :lol: .
makes me die all this....last May I was involved in a EUFOR exercise.

The official UK Mil Pol line on NATO/ EUFOR as expounded to me this week was

> NATO lost its raison d'etre when the Wall came down - an organisation desparately seeking a new role.

> it is now so unwieldy that it takes 6 months to decide an exercise location, let alone deploy a High readiness formation within 5 days of the word
<< ALLEZ-Y !>>

> Britain cautiously welcomes EUFOR develepment because
A) it means we can concentrate on ops nearer the High intensity end, which ( our head shed fondly believe) is where our strengths are, and
B) EUFOR will help reduce our painfully evident overstretch.

Contrary to all the usual anti-French sentiment routinely expressed hearabouts, according to the briefers, the US has challenged Europe to contribute MORE to mil activities and ( this is the US official stance) also welcomes EUFOR as the way ahead.

In the quaint Colonial idiom " Guys, either put up or shut up ...."

It's enough to confuse a simple goat.......

<< Laissez les bon temps RO_O_O_OULEZ , mes amis!>>

Le Chevre
 
#20
How do you know a frenchman has been in your garden ?

The snails have gone and your dogs pregnant.
 

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