Alcoholic Random Rant SErvice *hic*

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by steven seagull, Nov 27, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. After viewing a couple of threads started by Bounce Banana today I've come to the conclusion that he's been on an early morning turps nudging exercise and this got me thinking. I've noticed a few users have blamed mainlining brake fluid for tear streaked or spittle soaked posts in the dark of night lately and wondered how many of you are prone to using dishwasher tablets as ice cubes in your Domestos?

    I've always enjoyed Ord Sgt's rants and ability to argue with himself, I can imagine he can drain the fuel from a Boeing 747's wing without even considering going for a kebab. Sadly he doesnt pop up much now days as he lost the keys to his platinum plated palace and was last seen trying a Rapunzel with his back hair.

    Robbeaus is my new favourite. After a day off the booze, his DT's must reach such chronic levels that he could earn good money as a paint churner on a building site. Worryingly that would give him access to paint thinners and he would probably end up naked, with a traffic cone on his head starting a fight with a phone box as Air Filter holds his coat yelling "Leave it babe, he aint worth it!!"

    So - Are you an alcoholic? Who do you think is an alcoholic? What has been your favourite drunken rant on here or in general?

    Carry on.
    • Like Like x 15
  2. I'm not an alcoholic. But I am prone to posting my slurs and swear words on here late at night after a few ales. (As a few people on here may know)

    Pebbles was a good crack on here (not sure if he was pissed all the time though) he doesn't seem to post too much these days? In the naafi anyway?

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
    • Like Like x 5
  3. A true alcoholic is one who is as lucid at midnight as he or she is at daybreak. Shit. I've just broken cover....
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Yes, actually, I am. I had a bit of a struggle though - needed some 'elp (thanks A.A.) and I've been sober for quite a few years now.

    Some of my family don't consider me an alcoholic anymore, because I've been sober for so long, but I know I can't ever drink 'normally' again, 'cos I'd just rip the arse out of it.

    I still go to A.A.; I like the banter, the coffee and helping other alkies recover. There's plenty of ex military in there too. We've recently been joined by an ex coy comd of some Welsh infantry origin. We've also an ex RAF pilot (now flies Jumbo Jets) and a few navy lads; but we don't talk to them.
    • Like Like x 10
  5. Nothing wrong with alcoholism.

    Just imagine waking up sober and thinking "The day won't get any better"
    • Like Like x 3
  6. Top marks for honesty! Good luck with it.

    Although you're not really an alcoholic until you've woken to find Sinner stood over you sniggering like fuck taking photo's.
    • Like Like x 6
  7. It's funny, but for years most alcoholics deny they're alkies and then once you're in A.A. and accept you're an alkie, the absolutely biggest insult you can possibly give another member is to say or infer that they're not a real alcoholic.

    And FYI, I've never used to 'wake up', I used to 'regain consciousness' and I once found Sinner not stood over me, but fucking up me. The dirty cunt.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. CanteenCowboy

    CanteenCowboy LE Book Reviewer

    Richard Burton?

    An alcoholic of legendary status, who after complaining of a sore back was operated on, to find alcohol had started to cyrstalize on his spine.....
  10. When I left school I did a few weeks as a temp in a frozen food warehouse, one of the FLT drivers was a mean old cunt called Bob. Bob was a right scruffy fucker and reminded me of a more dishevelled Compo from Last of the Summer Wine. I used to think no-one went near the bloke because he was such a miserable old goat and his breath stunk like he'd gargled a bucket of shit for breakfast and his teeth randomly fell out like he'd been fire fighting at Chernobyl.

    After my first week he was gone so I asked where he was and was told that he'd been caught swigging from a bottle of mouthwash that was actually vodka with food colouring in.
  11. I wouldnt call myself an alki as such, like today at work ive rode my motorbike in this morning and driven the car this afternoon both things i wouldnt do drunk, ive been coherent enough or at least as much as i can be being a geordie and tonight ill have a glass of wine with my tea, however, if it was upto me i would drink the bottle of wine and then some because i dont see the point in drinking if not to feel pissed. The wife gets a bottle of wine out, we have a glass each and then it goes back in the fridge, whats that all about? I just dont see the point in having a drink if its limited so much so that on several occasions ive just not bothered having one as i want more. She moans that its a lack of self control but surely by having none im in total control. I just know that when we go out and she says "dont get too drunk" its a fucking dampener on the whole evenings events so i dont bother having any.I like to drink to feel pissed, simple as that.
    • Like Like x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  13. I think i've met this fucker.Was his first name Len's ten.