Alcoholic Random Rant SErvice *hic*

#1
After viewing a couple of threads started by Bounce Banana today I've come to the conclusion that he's been on an early morning turps nudging exercise and this got me thinking. I've noticed a few users have blamed mainlining brake fluid for tear streaked or spittle soaked posts in the dark of night lately and wondered how many of you are prone to using dishwasher tablets as ice cubes in your Domestos?

I've always enjoyed Ord Sgt's rants and ability to argue with himself, I can imagine he can drain the fuel from a Boeing 747's wing without even considering going for a kebab. Sadly he doesnt pop up much now days as he lost the keys to his platinum plated palace and was last seen trying a Rapunzel with his back hair.

Robbeaus is my new favourite. After a day off the booze, his DT's must reach such chronic levels that he could earn good money as a paint churner on a building site. Worryingly that would give him access to paint thinners and he would probably end up naked, with a traffic cone on his head starting a fight with a phone box as Air Filter holds his coat yelling "Leave it babe, he aint worth it!!"

So - Are you an alcoholic? Who do you think is an alcoholic? What has been your favourite drunken rant on here or in general?

Carry on.
 
#2
After viewing a couple of threads started by Bounce Banana today I've come to the conclusion that he's been on an early morning turps nudging exercise and this got me thinking. I've noticed a few users have blamed mainlining brake fluid for tear streaked or spittle soaked posts in the dark of night lately and wondered how many of you are prone to using dishwasher tablets as ice cubes in your Domestos?

I've always enjoyed Ord Sgt's rants and ability to argue with himself, I can imagine he can drain the fuel from a Boeing 747's wing without even considering going for a kebab. Sadly he doesnt pop up much now days as he lost the keys to his platinum plated palace and was last seen trying a Rapunzel with his back hair.

Robbeaus is my new favourite. After a day off the booze, his DT's must reach such chronic levels that he could earn good money as a paint churner on a building site. Worryingly that would give him access to paint thinners and he would probably end up naked, with a traffic cone on his head starting a fight with a phone box as Air Filter holds his coat yelling "Leave it babe, he aint worth it!!"

So - Are you an alcoholic? Who do you think is an alcoholic? What has been your favourite drunken rant on here or in general?

Carry on.
I'm not an alcoholic. But I am prone to posting my slurs and swear words on here late at night after a few ales. (As a few people on here may know)

Pebbles was a good crack on here (not sure if he was pissed all the time though) he doesn't seem to post too much these days? In the naafi anyway?


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#4
A true alcoholic is one who is as lucid at midnight as he or she is at daybreak. Shit. I've just broken cover....
 
#5
So - Are you an alcoholic?
Yes, actually, I am. I had a bit of a struggle though - needed some 'elp (thanks A.A.) and I've been sober for quite a few years now.

Some of my family don't consider me an alcoholic anymore, because I've been sober for so long, but I know I can't ever drink 'normally' again, 'cos I'd just rip the arse out of it.

I still go to A.A.; I like the banter, the coffee and helping other alkies recover. There's plenty of ex military in there too. We've recently been joined by an ex coy comd of some Welsh infantry origin. We've also an ex RAF pilot (now flies Jumbo Jets) and a few navy lads; but we don't talk to them.
 
#6
Nothing wrong with alcoholism.

Just imagine waking up sober and thinking "The day won't get any better"
 
#8
Yes, actually, I am. I had a bit of a struggle though - needed some 'elp (thanks A.A.) and I've been sober for quite a few years now.

Some of my family don't consider me an alcoholic anymore, because I've been sober for so long, but I know I can't ever drink 'normally' again, 'cos I'd just rip the arse out of it.

I still go to A.A.; I like the banter, the coffee and helping other alkies recover. There's plenty of ex military in there too. We've recently been joined by an ex coy comd of some Welsh infantry origin. We've also an ex RAF pilot (now flies Jumbo Jets) and a few navy lads; but we don't talk to them.
Top marks for honesty! Good luck with it.

Although you're not really an alcoholic until you've woken to find Sinner stood over you sniggering like fuck taking photo's.
 
#9
Although you're not really an alcoholic until you've woken to find Sinner stood over you sniggering like fuck taking photo's.
It's funny, but for years most alcoholics deny they're alkies and then once you're in A.A. and accept you're an alkie, the absolutely biggest insult you can possibly give another member is to say or infer that they're not a real alcoholic.

And FYI, I've never used to 'wake up', I used to 'regain consciousness' and I once found Sinner not stood over me, but fucking up me. The dirty cunt.
 
#11
Ahh yes. Are they not the wise words of Frank Sinatra?/QUOTE]
I think Frank the Man said something along the lines of "I couldn't be teetotal. Imagine waking up and realising that was the best you were going to feel all day".
 
#12
I know a lad in the real world who used to drink all day, literally, he said he used to get up in the morning before seven, walk to his local shop buy four cans and whatever paint stripper cheap beer/cider/wine he used to drink, by the time he walked home he had drank the four cans as a leveller and that would be his day on the drink started till he passed out at night- every day for quite a few years, he's been dry for about a year now but substitutes the beer with cans of fizzy pop.
When I left school I did a few weeks as a temp in a frozen food warehouse, one of the FLT drivers was a mean old cunt called Bob. Bob was a right scruffy fucker and reminded me of a more dishevelled Compo from Last of the Summer Wine. I used to think no-one went near the bloke because he was such a miserable old goat and his breath stunk like he'd gargled a bucket of shit for breakfast and his teeth randomly fell out like he'd been fire fighting at Chernobyl.

After my first week he was gone so I asked where he was and was told that he'd been caught swigging from a bottle of mouthwash that was actually vodka with food colouring in.
 
#13
I wouldnt call myself an alki as such, like today at work ive rode my motorbike in this morning and driven the car this afternoon both things i wouldnt do drunk, ive been coherent enough or at least as much as i can be being a geordie and tonight ill have a glass of wine with my tea, however, if it was upto me i would drink the bottle of wine and then some because i dont see the point in drinking if not to feel pissed. The wife gets a bottle of wine out, we have a glass each and then it goes back in the fridge, whats that all about? I just dont see the point in having a drink if its limited so much so that on several occasions ive just not bothered having one as i want more. She moans that its a lack of self control but surely by having none im in total control. I just know that when we go out and she says "dont get too drunk" its a fucking dampener on the whole evenings events so i dont bother having any.I like to drink to feel pissed, simple as that.
 
#15
When I left school I did a few weeks as a temp in a frozen food warehouse, one of the FLT drivers was a mean old cunt called Bob. Bob was a right scruffy fucker and reminded me of a more dishevelled Compo from Last of the Summer Wine. I used to think no-one went near the bloke because he was such a miserable old goat and his breath stunk like he'd gargled a bucket of shit for breakfast and his teeth randomly fell out like he'd been fire fighting at Chernobyl.

After my first week he was gone so I asked where he was and was told that he'd been caught swigging from a bottle of mouthwash that was actually vodka with food colouring in.
I think i've met this fucker.Was his first name Len's ten.
 
#16
I'm not an alcoholic. But I am prone to posting my slurs and swear words on here late at night after a few ales. (As a few people on here may know)

Pebbles was a good crack on here (not sure if he was pissed all the time though) he doesn't seem to post too much these days? In the naafi anyway?


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I'm about. Laid off the booze during the working week now though. days off weds and thurs so prepare for pissed posting then!
 
#17
I wouldnt call myself an alki as such,
I hear this regularly from newcomers to A.A.. "I'm not an alcoholic, I'm more of a binge drinker", or "I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a problem drinker". It's called denile.

like today at work ive rode my motorbike in this morning and driven the car this afternoon both things i wouldnt do drunk,
This is not a litmus test for not being an alcoholic or not. Nay! It's a little more complex than that. Many alcoholics can function at a reasonable level; we're not totally stupid; well, depending on the stage of the alcoholism I suppose!

i dont see the point in drinking if not to feel pissed.
This is a big red flag! Alcoholics don't drink for the taste, we drink for the effect it has on us. Some may dress up their drinking with fancy beers or wines or spirits, but it's the effect they're after. I love the taste of sparkling water, but I've never sat down and drank a crate of it.

I just dont see the point in having a drink if its limited so much so that on several occasions ive just not bothered having one as i want more.
Huge red flag here. Once an alkie puts alcohol into their system, it creates a huge craving for more and if we're denied it, we're restless, irritable and discontented. We kinda know this at some level, so many of us would rather refuse a few drinks and go without altogether if we're not able to finish the job properly.

I'm not saying you're an alcoholic, but I strongly think you certainly have the potential to be one.

Alcoholism is normally progressive and fatal, it's my family illness, so just remember that if you're ever in a tough spot, there'll be an A.A. meeting near to where you live.

Serious.
 
#18
About 10 years ago after my divorce, I bought a 1900s terrace badly in need of renovation. I was working away contracting at the time, didn't know anybody from the area and on a recommendation employed a 'plasterer' to replaster pretty much every wall and ceiling.

I had no experience of how quickly a plasterer should work, but it seemed that when I came home on a Friday, there wasn't as much progress as I thought there might be.

One day I came home midweek for some reason, getting back about 2:00pm, finding said plasterer, truely plastered but working very very slowly. A quick look in the bin and I found 10 empty cans of Special Brew. I went ape, sacked him and thought about finding a new plasterer. It was only speaking to my neighbour who knew him, I found out he'd rack up about 10:00am and start drinking there and then, and he was carefull enough to empty the bin every day. Therefore the 10 cans represented about half a days drinking for for him.

I still see the cunt, comatose outside his local from time to time. I did find another plasterer who finished the job off at a decent price and damn quickly too.

Two footnotes, one was that weekend I was checking the place out (it was very much a building site), only to find the thieving, pikey cunt had stolen about £200 worth of copper pipe, a laptop, angle grinder and my golf clubs. The other was the recommendation came from his dad, who I found out had a family full of ne'er do wells; a druggie son and daughter and another son just out of HMP for GBH.
 
#19
I haven't had a single alcoholic drink for 8 days due to work committments but I may have an ice cold beer this evening.

A beer so cold it produces rolling beads of condensation down the outside of the glass, it's sweet yeasty perfume tickling my nose befor I take a large thirst quenching draught............

That ought to get a few winos back off the wagon.
 
#20
Damn difficult not too where I work and with the all the shit going on. But SLOWLY cutting down... working so many hours at the moment that I just fall asleep some nights - hence, thankfully for you lot, far less inebriated posts!
 

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