Al qaeda TV

Discussion in 'Sick Jokes' started by Abdiel, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Al qaeda's planned Television Guide (For when they take over)
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    6.00: G-Had TV.
    Morning prayers.

    8.30: Talitubbies.
    Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.

    9.00: Shouts of Praise.
    More prayers.

    10.00: The Apprentice.
    Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.

    11.00: Jihad's Army.
    The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion fail to repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.

    12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
    Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.

    12.30: Panoramadan.
    The programme reports on america's attempts to take over the world.

    13.30: Xena.
    Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.

    14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
    Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.

    14.30: Green Peter.
    The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.

    15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
    Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'

    15.30: I Love 629.
    A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.

    16.00: Question Time.
    Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.

    16.30: Countdown.
    Can the american prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?

    17.00: Koranation Street.
    Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.

    17.30: Middle-East Enders.
    The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.

    18.00: Holiday.
    The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.

    18.30: Top of the Prophets.
    Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?

    19.00: Who wants to be a Muhajadin?
    Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?

    20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
    The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.

    21.30: Big Brother.
    Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?

    22.00: Imam Ted.
    Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga'il accidentally burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol.

    22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
    More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.

    23.30: They think it's Allah over.
    Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.

    Midnight: When Imams Attack.
    Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.

    00:.30: The West Bank Show.
    Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.

    01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.

    02.00: A book at bedtime.
    The Koran. Again.
     
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