Al Qaeda Application

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by tomahawk6, Jan 15, 2006.

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  1. Found this on Captain Ed's site. It refers to the recent revelation in Federal Court of Jose Padilla's application to join al Qaeda. This is Ed's idea of what their ap might be.

    Application For al-Qaeda Membership

    Allahu akbar! So you've decided to join the fastest-growing organization of psychopathic murderers in the world today. Due to the exciting type of work we perform, we always have room for more volunteers, and so we welcome you to our ranks. We'd like to get to know you, while we can, so please answer a few questions for us:

    Name: Abu ____________

    Real name: __________________

    Gender: ______ Male __________ Chattel (if so, stop here)

    Marital Status: ____ Single _____ Married (# of wives: ______)

    Reason For Interest In al-Qaeda (circle all that apply):

    a. Hatred for everything Western, except those hot babes on Baywatch
    b. Suicidal impulse but lacking the skills to carry it out
    c. Inability to get women to date me
    d. Want to travel and see the world before I realize my ambition to destroy it
    e. Having 72 inexperienced young girls later sounds better than dealing with one nagging woman now

    Would you be willing to relocate? Y/N If Y, in pieces? Y/N

    Do you have any of the following disqualifying conditions?

    a. Conscience
    b. Soul
    c. Survival instinct
    d. Half a brain or more
    e. Fear of flying

    Thank you again, mujaheddin, on behalf of al-Qaeda -- an Equal Opportunity Destroyer

    The real ap.
  2. T6, with a few minor alterations, that could easily serve as an application to join the Septic Army!

  3. Hardly. But if you are interested you can inquire at the DAO office in London and they can put you on the right track. Its great to see men who are willing to volunteer for the cause of world freedom.
  4. I'd rather go back to the good old days of the Cold War, thank you.
  5. The cold war wasnt so simple. You couldnt tell a communist as easy as you can an islamic terrorist. Until they get nuclear weapons they cannot wipe us out like the Russians could have.

  6. So what does an Islamic terrorist look like? What are the basic physical recognition features?
  7. You're having a laugh right ? The giveaway for me was the big red star on the fur hat and the choice of a T-80 as preferred mode of transport. It wasn't difficult to miss 3 Shock Army and as long as your "likely course of enemy action" included an element of motion in a westerly direction you couldn't go far wrong.

    Working out who the current bunch of decentralised networked jihadi are and what they are doing is a nightmare by comparison.
  8. Maybe this will help as a recognition guide. The following is a picture of a Middle Eastern man, executed by authorities for being a revolutionary insurrectionist and destabilizing influence in the region and wider World:


    For the record, T6- you're a mong. Just thought you should be reminded of the fact on a regular basis.
  9. Sorry, T6, I'm not interested. I served my stint with a proper army, namely the British Army, so I'd never be able to accept the atrocious standard of soldiering in the Septic mob.
    But before you turn this into a Brit versus Septic verbal brawl, let me say that I'm not interested in arguing with you.
    It's like treating a corpse with antbiotics. :D :D :D


    P.S. Regarding your theory about being able to recognise "Commernissts" and "Terra wrists" - would you like to run that past me, please?
  10. 'ang on...

    You lot can't even tell the diference between say a CVR(T) and Warrior Over a BMP. So how'd you manage to ID terrorisumist's?
  11. Last I looked, most Americans couldn't spot an Irish terrorist, never mind an Islamic one...
  12. Didn't stop them financing them* though.

    *That nice Mr McGuiness et al.
  13. once they have exploded it seems that everyone can recognise them on the CCTV tapes.
  14. Run that through a spell checker set to "English (US)" and it comes out as "Freedom Fighter".

    If Bush can bomb Al Jezzeera, can we bomb Noraid?