Seconds out, round 2. Some of you will recall the purple mincers declaring war on a free and proud people by dropping a 'practice bomb' on us then saying "Sorry, but it couldnt posibly harm anyone". Flash tossers. Today my friends, Northumbria leaves a calling card. *Linky - may cause distress to people who enjoy circuit diagrams* Hah. Right up the jaxie. I can reveal that the incident was not a bird strike. Rather it was Dekka The Monkey (not his real name) lobbing a brown ale bottle from the top of Simonside with the immortal words "Do one, Biggles. You bombed me Mams chip shop". Reports that a crack team of Geordies who can use a Tom-Tom have been dispatched to set fire to Sir Jock's dustbin and hoy it through his office window cannot be confirmed or denied at this time. But a yellow 1992 Transit van with a broken tail light and questionable brakes was captured on CCTV heading south past Washington on the A1 services at 18.03 today. Be afraid Sir Jock. Be very afraid. Hey, we'll get the brakes fixed as soon as our Gaz's Giro comes in. We're on war loadings here. Back off. Jesus. Stay tuned for more breaking news, as it happens, from Al-Northumbria. The last gasp of sanity here on the Island.