Airsoft.....a slightly different perspective.

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
What sadder than running round the woods with airsoft rambo & getting shot?
Feck, your reputation is in tatters & you are now viewed on par with David "I Shag Stiffs" Fuller.
Suggest you do missionary work in Newcastle for 10 years to cleanse yourself.
Don't thank me.
 
Do you save their heathen souls or just murderfuck them and let Odin figure out who goes where?
 
I deffo couldn’t do sealed knot weekends. I don’t have the liver for that amount of booze anymore. ( I think they use it to dull the pain of halbared and quaterstaff blows).
A lot of the non sharp edged stuff does look like it comes with a big helping of red mist for some of the members.!
 
I’ve mentioned before but for rather worryingly going over the top on kit I recommend watching the mob shooting military practical rifle at Diggle, return from the fire ing points. A psychiatrist would have a doctorate out of it.!
 
You forgot to add,-and then my training kicked in.......
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could stain a few undercrackers IF the training kicked in.
 
I had a go on a stag do once, paintballing, you couldnt shoot the head but some ****** led behind a tree so all I could see what the head and gun shooting, I followed the arc of the ball until i was dropping shot after shot on the head and to its credit, it stayed there. Cost me in paint and didnt have to retire because head shots didnt count, I wanted it to move so I could shoot it but it stood firm and so did I.

At break there was a young lass covered in blood from some big cuts on her head, and my 'mate' proudly broadcast to her group...."That was him who did that", pointing at me.

I became target number 1 for the rest of the day, mainly head shots, split lip from one going through the mouth vent of the motocross mask, was also shot quite a few times walking back to start point with my hands up and the referee blokes couldnt give a shoite..
 

olafthered

LE
Book Reviewer
I’ve mentioned before but for rather worryingly going over the top on kit I recommend watching the mob shooting military practical rifle at Diggle, return from the fire ing points. A psychiatrist would have a doctorate out of it.!
I think we may have some mutual associates if you know Diggle!
 
One thing no one mentioned about paintballing was the bruising you get the following day.
I went paintballing, also at a stag do and I only had the thin covies they gave you.
There was a "Get him, he was in the Army" flavour to the whole event and yes, I wasn't prepared to quickly throw myself into the prone with this arthritis so became the other teams target of choice and I'm sure some of my own team.
Naked, I looked like a Dalmatian for the next week!
 
I have also been roped/blackmailed into stag-do paintballing twice. Given my brain damage and having to walk with a stick, you can tell that some of my mates have a cvnt's sense of humour.
Still managed to acquit myself well by staying on my belly, staying in cover and moving quickly, chucking out plenty of smoke (no Sir. Not acquired contraband, no Sirreee), nicking flags and counter-flanking 'enemy' to shoot them in their arses.
I wouldn't do it by choice but both occasions led to marathon drinking sessions so not all bad.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
Because around here cowboys and Indians is pretty tame with a lot of time to kill, you just have to set out a quarter bottle of the cheapest booze you can find and an ashtray full of fag ends as bait for chief wahoo and his warriors. The banjos just keep you fed and the fat birds keep you warm while waiting.....
Of course banjos hmmmmm
 
Had one particular paintball game about 30 years ago. Us vs a bunch of somewhat overweight and highly unfit banker types. We were caning their arses by the simple expedient of running round behind them, grabbing the flag, shooting them in the back etc. On about the 3rd game I am shot and out and end up talking to one of them.

”How come you’ve got all the camo kit and stuff?”
”oh, we’re RAF Officer cadets on a project weekend”
”you’re military? Oh FFS, that’s not fair, no wonder we’re losing etc etc,” and they all got a massive sad on.

RAF officer cadets 8 weeks into Cranwell…..military….heh heh heh….if only they knew.
 

Ritch

LE
A mate of mine is into Airsoft in a big way and I was invited to an event being held at the now closed Gloucester prison. Basically the place is used for ghost hunts, TV shoots and airsoft.

The place is huge, has all the wings and cells, with kitchens and admin units.

So I turn up with just a protective mask and borrow some kit (a MK.18 CQB I'm informed) off my mate and buy some rounds from the shop.

Plenty of guys were decked out like they were invading a small country. SAS, SEALS, Spetsnaz and a whole host of other units with a lot of attention to detail.

To cut a long story short, because I'm a cripple who can barely walk at the best of times, I did shocking - shuffling from one bit of cover to the next.

Halfway through the day, I was shot and heading back on the 10 minute walk to the respawn point with my hand held half in the air to signify I was "dead". I hear a squeal and this little lad no older than 8 or 9 jumps out with a rental G36 and hits me with about 15 pellets. His dad looked proud as punch but that look soon disappeared when I roared "you shot me in the cóck you little cùnt!" at him.

I went home later that day with a bruised trouser snake that took a week to stop hurting.
.
 
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Many years ago, the company I worked for had a paintball day. The heads of the division had the acronym HOLOC.
Consequently the posters for the event read "Come and shoot your HOLOCs in the bollox".
They were walking very gingerly for several days after, including the females.
How did I know people would take it to heart!
 
A mate of mine is quite big in arena paintballing. There is nothing walty about it at all, it’s a full on sport and you have to be fit as **** to play.

As the name suggests they have a small arena about half the size of a footie pitch. It’s dotted with inflatable pieces of scenery and / or various other objects to hide behind.

Then two teams of 4 go balls out to shoot each other, last man standing wins for the whole team. Sometimes there is a capture the flag element.

No camo or walty guns. They wear sports kits like an ice hockey team and the ”markers” are all shiny anodised aluminium in lairy colours.

They have a national league and everything.

Anyway I digress, he once invited me to the National Paintball Fields to play in an event called “Diamond Wars”. I thought it was something along the lines of the arena stuff he’s into, or even just a standard stag do type paintballing day with a few areas made of pallets and a couple of half hour games.

Nah....

This was two teams of a couple of hundred people waging full warfare across a massive 200 acre site. just a quick break for lunch but otherwise an entire day of running around this massive place. if you got shot you had to go back to your respawn base (potentially a 15 minute walk if you were on the other side of the place).

Not gonna lie, it was epic. They had everything from WW1 trench systems to a Nam themed jungle area with an actual helicopter. I couldn’t walk for days afterwards. I hadn’t realised at the time but I’d spent most of the day squatting to avoid getting shot. My thighs were in absolute bits. Hardest day of phyz I think I’ve ever done.

Because of the vast size of the teams you had everyone from seasoned arena paintballers, to walty types in their own camo (including an RAF Policeman who rocked up in full uniform, including bulled boots and beret). But most just wear the issue coveralls.

And there is no cheating. Once you’ve been shot, you’ve been shot. you can’t disguise a massive luminous yellow splat of paint.

I enjoyed it so much I may have gone a second time.

Having started playing whilst based in Detmold, you have woods tournaments (10 man) and speedball tournaments (5 man)

It can be very competative, very aggressive,

As for cheating, don't flinch when hit, wipe before the ref see's you, carry black MF's as the yellow ones can be see across the field!
 

BarcelonaAnalPark

LE
Book Reviewer
You know what they say; airsoft today, school shooting tomorrow.
 

Site Admin

War Hero
A mate of mine is quite big in arena paintballing. There is nothing walty about it at all, it’s a full on sport and you have to be fit as **** to play.

As the name suggests they have a small arena about half the size of a footie pitch. It’s dotted with inflatable pieces of scenery and / or various other objects to hide behind.

Then two teams of 4 go balls out to shoot each other, last man standing wins for the whole team. Sometimes there is a capture the flag element.

No camo or walty guns. They wear sports kits like an ice hockey team and the ”markers” are all shiny anodised aluminium in lairy colours.

They have a national league and everything.

Anyway I digress, he once invited me to the National Paintball Fields to play in an event called “Diamond Wars”. I thought it was something along the lines of the arena stuff he’s into, or even just a standard stag do type paintballing day with a few areas made of pallets and a couple of half hour games.

Nah....

This was two teams of a couple of hundred people waging full warfare across a massive 200 acre site. just a quick break for lunch but otherwise an entire day of running around this massive place. if you got shot you had to go back to your respawn base (potentially a 15 minute walk if you were on the other side of the place).

Not gonna lie, it was epic. They had everything from WW1 trench systems to a Nam themed jungle area with an actual helicopter. I couldn’t walk for days afterwards. I hadn’t realised at the time but I’d spent most of the day squatting to avoid getting shot. My thighs were in absolute bits. Hardest day of phyz I think I’ve ever done.

Because of the vast size of the teams you had everyone from seasoned arena paintballers, to walty types in their own camo (including an RAF Policeman who rocked up in full uniform, including bulled boots and beret). But most just wear the issue coveralls.

And there is no cheating. Once you’ve been shot, you’ve been shot. you can’t disguise a massive luminous yellow splat of paint.

I enjoyed it so much I may have gone a second time.

Those US paintball tournaments seem to be marketed/branded more as an extreme sport rather than military-based, compared to airsoft. The players look like they’re dressed for a motocross race.

I’d probably give airsoft ago if the opportunity arose (i.e. forced into it) but I do like watching the cheating videos on occasion:

 

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