Airport Gimps.

Find Dubai funny , like to see the two or three ( non Dubains ? ) working away and their Dubain ? Overseer checking what they are doing
People from the UAE (known as the Emirates) are emirates (em i ra tees). Very rare for locals to be involved in low level jobs, even the police are generally not locals except at more senior levels.
 
I can see this type of sophisticated boarding going down well in the near/middle/far East and anywhere in Asia.
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
OK, I know that the Arrsers only fly business or first due to either earning 5 thousand quid an hour in their consultancy job or get free upgrades because they are so ruggedly handsome and irresistible to the trolley dollies but which one of you was this?

Fat Tart

Ah the PaperWhichDareNotSpeakItsName story about a scouse gobshite?

For shame xBP - take a thousand lines.

' I will not post links unrelated to Rick Astley, in a misconceived attempt to delude '
 
Just returned from a working holiday in Lyon flying from M'cr - utter clusterf***. The gimps employed are not just incompetent, idle, brain dead jobsworths, they are creatively obstructive - to wit:

"All liquids etc must go into one 'poly bag."

"Only the supplied plastic bag is authorised."

"Only one 'fag lighter allowed per passenger".

"The bag must be sealed, but not with a knot."

"Now you need another bag for the" Vape."

"If these are Prescription medications and you do not have a valid prescription for them they will be confiscated."

These combined with a four lane electronic passport checker which worked at about 50% of the time made travel truly joyous.

It seems that every time I fly yet more of these ineffective restrictions are invented a classic case of papering over all the cracks in a room but then leaving the doors and windows wide open.

Got to say that the experience in Lyons was super slick and well organised with 0% of the UK pointlessness.
 

goodoldboy

MIA
Book Reviewer
2014 Mythbusters:
That's interesting stuff but the great idea of boarding window seats first etc would cause abject panic in passengers other than solo travellers. The groups would just freeze and then start whining.

What they didn't show is to start boarding the rows in the middle of the aircraft first, simultaneously from the front and rear steps, say 10 rows each going into the middle of the aircraft working forwards and backwards thus filling 20 rows in the middle. Then two lots of 20 rows at each entrance to fill from the middle backwards and forwards and so on with the first ten rows at the front and the last ten rows at the back getting on last. An all German or Swiss passenger list would love it and would add pure joy to their trip!

Anyway, and having said all that it's not really the boarding that pains me but more the getting off which is usually just a crazy scrum! More exit doors would be brilliant - one for each two rows maybe?
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
Just returned from a working holiday in Lyon flying from M'cr - utter clusterf***. The gimps employed are not just incompetent, idle, brain dead jobsworths, they are creatively obstructive - to wit:

"All liquids etc must go into one 'poly bag."

"Only the supplied plastic bag is authorised."

"Only one 'fag lighter allowed per passenger".

"The bag must be sealed, but not with a knot."

"Now you need another bag for the" Vape."

"If these are Prescription medications and you do not have a valid prescription for them they will be confiscated."

These combined with a four lane electronic passport checker which worked at about 50% of the time made travel truly joyous.

It seems that every time I fly yet more of these ineffective restrictions are invented a classic case of papering over all the cracks in a room but then leaving the doors and windows wide open.

Got to say that the experience in Lyons was super slick and well organised with 0% of the UK pointlessness.
Ref cig lighters, I flew from Gatwick to Berlin with my Zippo, got checked and then handed back to me. Flew on the return trip, Boxhead customs ripped the cotton wool stuffing and the wick and gave me back the empty shell, cunts!
 
...Anyway, and having said all that it's not really the boarding that pains me but more the getting off which is usually just a crazy scrum! More exit doors would be brilliant - one for each two rows maybe?
I would be so tempted, as a pilot of a passenger plane to stop 10 feet short of the gate. Count to 10 and then jerk the aircraft forward, just to have all the impatient ignorant gimps who think the seat belt sign doesn't apply to them sprawled down the aisles.
 

goodoldboy

MIA
Book Reviewer
I would be so tempted, as a pilot of a passenger plane to stop 10 feet short of the gate. Count to 10 and then jerk the aircraft forward, just to have all the impatient ignorant gimps who think the seat belt sign doesn't apply to them sprawled down the aisles.
One 'funny' isn't enough for that idea chap!
 
I would be so tempted, as a pilot of a passenger plane to stop 10 feet short of the gate. Count to 10 and then jerk the aircraft forward, just to have all the impatient ignorant gimps who think the seat belt sign doesn't apply to them sprawled down the aisles.
Do that taxiing from pretty much any Asian airport,there would be multiple casualties.;)
 

Dubb_al_Ibn

War Hero
"If these are Prescription medications and you do not have a valid prescription for them they will be confiscated."
I have an online repeat prescription with Lloyds therefore no paperwork but always have a strip of the pills in my wash kit. Nobody has ever stopped me or ever commented on them either in UK departing nor abroad when returning. Mind you I've never flown to or from Manchester. Anyone else had similar or different experience with prescription drugs ?

Bristol didn't like my Swiss Army Knife which I had inadvertently left in my carry-on daysack but although it was confiscated at the time it was there waiting for me when I got back. £6 admin fee but very friendly and helpful searcher who almost seemed embarrassed to take it.

Interestingly when the bag went through the x-ray he said it was the corkscrew attachment that stood out and not the blade. In fact he said that if he hadn't have seen the corkscrew on the screen he wouldn't have noticed the knife. Not sure I was comforted by that !
 
Re: No pointy stabby things...
After you go through security at both Frankfurt and Stuttgart ( and the Duty Mong at the metal detector has had a good rummage around in your boxers), you can buy all the Swiss Army knives that you care to at the giftshops, this has always made me go "What the fuck..."
 
I used to have to work in Tampa , Florida . The TSA were Nazis ,

However walking through the TSA they will check, no tiny metal objects .

Well there were a load of decorative rocks all over the place , as I like rocks I always took a few as the were nice rocks look nice in my garden.

Wonder if anyone working for the TSA has seen that cult film about borstal in the UK.

Easy enough to put a rock into a sock and make it into a weapon. Muppets the lot
 
Beg to differ on Vienna,workmate and i decided to leave the Airport the wrong way as we wanted to buy some beers at the shop nearby. As we started our little trip the wall ''opened'' and two blokes dressed and armed like Judge Dredd stepped out and kindly asked what we thought we were doing.
We mumbled our apologies and did a very quick about turn!
They may appear to be casual but are in my opinion on the ball.
The police in Vienna take things very seriously. They have two units based in Vienna; one is the local police SWAT team (WEGA) and the other is the Federal Police GSG-9 like unit called EKO COBRA. There is a healthy rivalry between the two units and much mutual assistance and crossover even though they have distinctly separate responsibilities.
 
I used to have to work in Tampa , Florida . The TSA were Nazis ,

However walking through the TSA they will check, no tiny metal objects .

Well there were a load of decorative rocks all over the place , as I like rocks I always took a few as the were nice rocks look nice in my garden.

Wonder if anyone working for the TSA has seen that cult film about borstal in the UK.

Easy enough to put a rock into a sock and make it into a weapon. Muppets the lot
The 7th Dan Tae Kwon Do chap whose school my lad used to attend just outside Orland, Fl., used to travel regularly as he is connected to the US Olympic martial arts team. He is also a mate of the chap who owns Cane Masters where they make walking canes designed for defensive purposes. Whenever he travels my lad's old teacher used to board aircraft with his cane master - due to medical privacy laws in the US the TSA are not allowed to ask you if you are infirm, or not, and whether or not you need the cane you are carrying. The most you will get is an attempted, "do you really need the cane"? To which you always answer, "yes of course", and evn though they know full well what they are there is nothing they can do.

 
Flying back once from Afg I was sent via France by the company I worked for they paid for the tickets so I couldn’t really complain. Anyway as it’s an International transfer I have go through several checks to get to my connecting flight. The last one I pop my rucksack- iPad out, computer, camera etc into one tray and my bag and jacket in another. Walk through scanner and ....... the mong monkey looking at the tray T.V. Screen goes nuclear.
Lots of shouting and waving of arms and I’m held at the side by some plastic policeman while we wait for someone who speaks English to turn up.
My crime ..... EVERY electronic item needed to be in its own tray! 16gb memory card out of phone in one tray, phone in another, each usb etc... passport in its own tray. In the end I must have had 20 trays to myself.
 
I would be so tempted, as a pilot of a passenger plane to stop 10 feet short of the gate. Count to 10 and then jerk the aircraft forward, just to have all the impatient ignorant gimps who think the seat belt sign doesn't apply to them sprawled down the aisles.
Flying into Kuwait 3 Kuwaiti teens returning from a whore and drink weekend in Dubai decide about 15 seconds from landing to open the luggage bins and start walking to the door To be first off.
Cabin crew shouting at them to sit down - wheels hit the ground and of course the pilot brakes - 3 teens cream into the floor on top of each other. When we pull up to the terminal airport security takes them away.
 

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