Airport Gimps.

Budapest still ranks as a hateful place to get through and out of, it makes Bristol look like a hive of efficiency.
I once actually went through Spanish immigration controls while clutching a can of open beer can in my hand. Couldn’t believe it!
 
The ones that grip me and i am not being racist or sexist her BUT they almost always seem to be the short, fat, black women at the customs desk in the US of A. Are they all born with a chip on their shoulders or is it just the way Yanks are trained for that particular role. Oh yeah and have a nice day yall.
Similar here. A recent flight to Copenhagen saw the usual tantrum as some entitled missy had it pointed out to her that she had two cabin bags, not one and a handbag. Watching her trying to get her 'handbag' in the larger one and shut it was funny, though.
 
Similar here. A recent flight to Copenhagen saw the usual tantrum as some entitled missy had it pointed out to her that she had two cabin bags, not one and a handbag. Watching her trying to get her 'handbag' in the larger one and shut it was funny, though.
I've seen people necking vodka, whisky before their checkins and putting multiple jackets and other clothing on, just to avoid the rules.
 
OK, I know that the Arrsers only fly business or first due to either earning 5 thousand quid an hour in their consultancy job or get free upgrades because they are so ruggedly handsome and irresistible to the trolley dollies but which one of you was this?

Fat Tart
What a strange chap and a very dodgy selfie, posing in a public toilet????
 
Flying back from one of the Canaries, I forget which one. A couple of weeks after 9 11.
I set off the metal detector arch and just carried on walking, not a word was said.
I guess they were just adjusting to the new rules.

I had no idea what I was carrying that set it off, but was sure it was nothing dodgy.
 
10 months after 9/11 I was leaving Newark after going through security.

I could see the web of wiring on the x-ray machine that was the large scale radio control HUMVEE secreted about my suitcase as the box was too big to fit.

Nothing happened.
 
A number of years ago we had been booked into the airport operations as opposed to one of the flying clubs at Blackpool airport (when it was a full international airport). As a result when me and the wife where going back to the aircraft they wanted us to go through full airport security. I did point out that we were GA not commercial, but it didn't seem to make any difference. We got stopped at the scanners and told that the leatherman was not allowed through. I asked that if the carrier* gave their permission, would I be allowed to keep it. They said yes, so I stood quiet for a few seconds and then said that the carrier said it was okay. I had to then point out that I was the carrier as it was my aircraft, and I was flying / operating it. Reluctantly, they let us (and the leatherman) through.

* A carrier is the term for the operator of the aircraft and has ultimate say on what can and cannot be brought onto the aircraft.
Had that more than once heading out to our nice green helicopters wearing our nice green flying suits with wings etc on.

“What’s that?”
“It’s a knife”
“You can’t have a knife”
“I have to have it, it’s part of my safety equipment”
“You’ll have to give it to the captain”
“I am the captain”
Etc
Etc

All the while trying desperately not to say

“what am I going to do with it? Stab myself and force me to fly myself to Cuba?”

When I fly I wear belt with a plastic buckle and put everything in the many packets of my shooting jacket so \i can just drop it in the tray and walk through. I always wonder how effective all this security is because I have made sure the jacket is covered in GSR, made no difference. Last time I tipped the contents of a miss fired .22 into one of the pockets without a problem.
Unless your daughter is taking a box of medication through security on a school trip that you picked up to look at shortly after reloading some rounds, that they do the swab test on anyway, then get all excited when it tests positive for gunpowder (or whatever it was they said it was).:-D
 
Worse than Banjul?
I never had any problems at Banjul (Yundum) airport, although I may have been the exception. There are far, far, worse places to spend time in a departure lounge around the continent. Murtalla Muhammed for one, Luanda for another, and Guinea-Bissau's winner, Osvaldo Vieria Airport. Jaysus.
...the Arrsers only fly business or first due to either earning 5 thousand quid an hour in their consultancy job...
Not really; after a first career in a decent Forces stream of expertise learning the basics, and after a few years at the civvy coalface if you aren't at least middle management/nascent Consultant/advisor in any African industrial or financial industry scenario you should give up and go back to shopping centre management in Milton Keynes, or *cough* personal financial advisory services, selling insurance to your former pals. The step-ups in benefits, such as a decent seat on the bus, nice house in the bush or a bigger Toyota, come as you prove your worth to your organisation, same-same as anywhere else. Stepping out of the 'consultant' role into senior management is where the big brown envelopes start to appear, especially if working for a major international group. That's when 'first class' gives way to Cessna Citation.
 
Brize f****** Norton.
Four hours before flying? In a restricted. MoD only site?

Close the thread.
 
Unfortunately, delays at check-in can be caused by frequent fliers as well as occasional ones.
The requirement change from country to country and from time to time depending on the perceived threat.
I've noticed people removing shoes for example, when it's not been a requirement. because it's what they are used to doing.
It can change even from terminal to terminal, in March in Changi terminal 2 it was and is, laptops out, now in terminal 4 its laptops stay in bag (new CT equipment) in T4)
In Japan (Naha) a few month's back, the wife thought she was being prepared by packing liquids in the clear bag provided at London City, she was turned back to get the official bag ( which we had turned down at check-in, thinking that one same-sized clear bag is like any other)

At Norwich a few years back, my lap-top was taken for visual examination, it was desperately in need of a screen wipe on keys and screen,
Me: "I'm sorry, it's filthy."
Security man: "What you have on your computer sir, is of no concern to us"

I've always found the security people at Norwich a friendly and efficient bunch, I guess it's someone senior setting the culture. (I found that often happens in other organisations too, the company culture (good or bad) is often set by an individual and that attitude works down.)
 
DMV, public service and so on very much the same. Wonder if there's something in the diversity training that convinces them they're special and not to be questioned, as asking them anything seems to be the trigger for tantrums and refusal to deal with you.
 
We have carefully selected equal opportunity govt employees working in airports, They go by the acronym TSA. In my observation they make their security rules and requirements up,as they go along. They also go through your luggage damaging and nicking stuff the thieving septic pikeys..
 
Unless your daughter is taking a box of medication through security on a school trip that you picked up to look at shortly after reloading some rounds, that they do the swab test on anyway, then get all excited when it tests positive for gunpowder (or whatever it was they said it was).:-D
A number of years ago I wrote off one of the ion scanners at Heathrow airport. Going through security they decided to swab my bag. I told them not to as I handle explosives every working day and to just accept it as contaminated. The Lass said that she had never had a positive result, so was interested to see what would happen. After all the bells and whistles went off, and a quick interview with SB ( just handed them my business card and asked them to call the Ops Room). The lass cleaned the scanner 3 times and tested it with a control sample, when it failed for the third time she called the help line, who told her that it was so contaminated that it would have to go back to the factory to be dismantled and cleaned.
The wife just stood there rolling her eyes at me!
 
Last edited:

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I’ve posted a couple of dits in the how bone is your missus thread, but Lady Ravers is a fucking nightmare to travel with.

She’s been to over 85 different countries and her job working for a posh travel agent, used to involve going on holiday every 6 weeks or so.

You’d think she would’ve had this airport crack nailed by now, but no. For some reason, a normally highly intelligent woman who speaks five languages, turns into a complete retard at the first sniff of an airport.

Whenever we go away now, a familiar and agonising ritual takes place.

Our bags are packed about 5 days before. This includes our toothbrushes, deodorant and what not.

You can probably see the problem already.

Baggage limitations on the flight must be strictly adhered to. By that I mean if the limit is 20kg each, then we are taking 20kg each.

Even if we’re only going for the weekend.

So on the morning of the flight I have to play car Tetris. The kids are crammed in with suitcases and all manner of hand luggage packed around them. Two suitcases will be half empty, but the suggestion that we combine the contents into one suitcase is met with extreme hostility.

We park up at the airport. While we’re waiting for the bus to the terminal it will be time to unpack one of the suitcases to retrieve a random item that we now need urgently.

The bus comes while the suitcase is still open and all our underwear is getting rained on. There is a mad rush to try and repack the bag while many pissed off people wait for us on the bus.

We get off the bus. We have to navigate our way to the terminal carrying rucksacks and about 3 suitcases each. My 7 year old daughter is trying to push a suitcase that is 4 times the size of her.

We eventually get to check in with only minor injuries. Bags are again emptied and repacked in the queue, usually at the check in desk, while a growing queue of angry people forms behind us.

It turns out she’s brought 4 bottles of water, just in case the kids get thirsty between the car park and the check in desk. These now have to be disposed of somewhere. Preferably in the kid’s bladders so they’ll need to piss as soon as we board the plane.

We go through security. She’s purchased fast passes at 20 odd quid a pop that mean we can go in a smaller queue. We get directed into this queue anyway because we have kids with us, no one checks the fast passes. That’s 80 quid wasted.

Never mind.

Our bags get unpacked again to remove 4 iPads, a laptop and enough random electronic gadgets to stock PC World. None of this could go in the checked suitcases because it might get nicked apparently. The bags go through the scanner and at least one gets pulled for a recheck.

“Sorry I forgot my kindle was in there.”

The first of the kids decides it’s now time for a piss.

Finally we’re in the terminal, life should be easy now, but no, we have to buy a load of overpriced shit which now means we have 3
carry ons each.

Despite the fact that we are still 3 hours early for our flight, there is a mad panic when the gate is announced and we have to run there.

We’re now first in a queue that won’t exist for at least another hour.

They call us up first anyway because we are travelling with kids.

The second child now needs a piss but we’re in the queue and about to get on the plane.

We get to our seats, the kid is now jumping around with crossed legs so I have to go back against the flow of passengers to get to the bog.

In the meantime the wife is taking up 3 overhead lockers with all the shite she’s bought.
 
Unfortunately, delays at check-in can be caused by frequent fliers as well as occasional ones.
The requirement change from country to country and from time to time depending on the perceived threat.
I've noticed people removing shoes for example, when it's not been a requirement. because it's what they are used to doing.
It can change even from terminal to terminal, in March in Changi terminal 2 it was and is, laptops out, now in terminal 4 its laptops stay in bag (new CT equipment) in T4)
In Japan (Naha) a few month's back, the wife thought she was being prepared by packing liquids in the clear bag provided at London City, she was turned back to get the official bag ( which we had turned down at check-in, thinking that one same-sized clear bag is like any other)

At Norwich a few years back, my lap-top was taken for visual examination, it was desperately in need of a screen wipe on keys and screen,
Me: "I'm sorry, it's filthy."
Security man: "What you have on your computer sir, is of no concern to us"

I've always found the security people at Norwich a friendly and efficient bunch, I guess it's someone senior setting the culture. (I found that often happens in other organisations too, the company culture (good or bad) is often set by an individual and that attitude works down.)
Protocol differs and changes as part of 'security theatre'.
You don't think they are actually looking for anything, do you?

Departing from Pointe Noire (Republic of Congo) one happy evening where they did the security checks at the steps to the aircraft, I had one herbert snap the nail file bit off my nail clippers. He wasn't interested in my claim to be able to do more damage with the bottle of spirits in my bag.
It's a con.
 
I’ve posted a couple of dits in the how bone is your missus thread, but Lady Ravers is a ******* nightmare to travel with.

She’s been to over 85 different countries and her job working for a posh travel agent, used to involve going on holiday every 6 weeks or so.

You’d think she would’ve had this airport crack nailed by now, but no. For some reason, a normally highly intelligent woman who speaks five languages, turns into a complete retard at the first sniff of an airport.

Whenever we go away now, a familiar and agonising ritual takes place.

Our bags are packed about 5 days before. This includes our toothbrushes, deodorant and what not.

You can probably see the problem already.

Baggage limitations on the flight must be strictly adhered to. By that I mean if the limit is 20kg each, then we are taking 20kg each.

Even if we’re only going for the weekend.

So on the morning of the flight I have to play car Tetris. The kids are crammed in with suitcases and all manner of hand luggage packed around them. Two suitcases will be half empty, but the suggestion that we combine the contents into one suitcase is met with extreme hostility.

We park up at the airport. While we’re waiting for the bus to the terminal it will be time to unpack one of the suitcases to retrieve a random item that we now need urgently.

The bus comes while the suitcase is still open and all our underwear is getting rained on. There is a mad rush to try and repack the bag while many pissed off people wait for us on the bus.

We get off the bus. We have to navigate our way to the terminal carrying rucksacks and about 3 suitcases each. My 7 year old daughter is trying to push a suitcase that is 4 times the size of her.

We eventually get to check in with only minor injuries. Bags are again emptied and repacked in the queue, usually at the check in desk, while a growing queue of angry people forms behind us.

It turns out she’s brought 4 bottles of water, just in case the kids get thirsty between the car park and the check in desk. These now have to be disposed of somewhere. Preferably in the kid’s bladders so they’ll need to piss as soon as we board the plane.

We go through security. She’s purchased fast passes at 20 odd quid a pop that mean we can go in a smaller queue. We get directed into this queue anyway because we have kids with us, no one checks the fast passes. That’s 80 quid wasted.

Never mind.

Our bags get unpacked again to remove 4 iPads, a laptop and enough random electronic gadgets to stock PC World. None of this could go in the checked suitcases because it might get nicked apparently. The bags go through the scanner and at least one gets pulled for a recheck.

“Sorry I forgot my kindle was in there.”

The first of the kids decides it’s now time for a piss.

Finally we’re in the terminal, life should be easy now, but no, we have to buy a load of overpriced shit which now means we have 3
carry ons each.

Despite the fact that we are still 3 hours early for our flight, there is a mad panic when the gate is announced and we have to run there.

We’re now first in a queue that won’t exist for at least another hour.

They call us up first anyway because we are travelling with kids.

The second child now needs a piss but we’re in the queue and about to get on the plane.

We get to our seats, the kid is now jumping around with crossed legs so I have to go back against the flow of passengers to get to the bog.

In the meantime the wife is taking up 3 overhead lockers with all the shite she’s bought.
And apparently we can't kill and eat them any more. Evolution, eh...?
 
I travel a fair bit with work also. And Dubai airport is one Im not altogether comfortable transiting. Always feel its only a matter of time until a Brussels type incident.
Strangely enough, I felt the same - we came through Dubai last year from Hanoi and I forgot that I had a can of Tiger in my shoulder bag. Despite the showy inter-terminal scanner machines, I still walked through without being picked up. Another airport I was not particular happy with was Vienna - I felt that they had a very casual attitude.
 

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